never been married/single 50+
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Anonymous
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to all the single 50 and up out there--
are any of you becoming more depressed since hitting 50? i've recently noticed that a few of my friends and co-workers who have never been married and are single don't seem very happy with life. one co-worker (51 1/2, but always refers to his age as 50) who recently broke up with his GF who turned down his offer to move in b/c she hadn't completely ruled out the idea of being a mom (she's 46) said he's done w/ women (can't believe she'd walk away given how limited her options are at this point in life) and content to be alone. other friends don't appear to be dating anyone and have several cats. their lives seem a lot different from other friends/co-workers who are still raising families and are married. signed, curious 40 something |
Anonymous
| Psychologists who are adherents of Erik Erickson's Lifespan Theory will understand about the importance of the 'mid-life crisis' which occurs around 40-50 years of age. The crisis during this life phase is "Stagnation vs. Regeneration" and it's important to make peace with things or do something constructive about it. Many people are on Match.com, Christian Mingle, or go back to school to get an advanced degree. Some buy the clichéd red convertible. |
Anonymous
I'm sure that some of your 50-something single friends and co-workers probably pity "curious 40 somethings" who think that they might have it made because they are married with families. 40 somethings' grass ain't necessarily greener. |
Anonymous
| OP here. the male co-worker i referred to has tried all that. he has been online dating for at least 5 yrs. that's where he's met all of his most recent gfs, including last one. he got an advanced degree which did not noticeably improve his job prospects. and finally, he bought a car which he had done w/o for his entire adulthood as well as recently by a condo (1st time home owner) |
Anonymous
| W |
Anonymous
| Who said i was married or had kids? i just said that i noticed a difference among them. |
Anonymous
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I think that *usually* a person has their own reasons for still being single/never married at 50+. There are definite perks that come from leading an orderly and uncomplicated life, no one to answer to. But maybe these folks have never completely ruled out marriage for themselves in the back of their head and for some reason at 50 it hits them that their own options of ever marrying might be becoming more limited. Hard to say.
The guy who was put off because his gf declined to move in with him might have been genuinely hurt by her decision. It also may have been a wake up call for him (maybe he has a bit of an ego?) hard to say. |
Anonymous
| My guess is that there were other reasons your co-worker's GF didn't move in with him. You can't really look at a few people you know and assume they are representative of a whole group. You may not have intended it but your post seems a bit judgmental. |
Anonymous
I dunno, I detect more than a whiff of smug. I think you're married with kids and are patting yourself on the back. |
Anonymous
| If you must know, I am 40 yr. old male, engaged to 34 yr. old fiancee. Ambivalent about kids, but if she wants them i'm willing to have one and see. |
Anonymous
Maybe she's not desperate? Not everyone who is single wants the whole married scene. It sounds like this woman wants it but I see no reason she should settle for it. |
Anonymous
| OP here--I think I need to clarify. I didn't state that, "I can't believe she'd walk away..." The male co-worker who got dumped has been saying this. |
Anonymous
I think it's possible that your coworker thought that when HE was ready for a LTR that he would simply call the shots and any woman (especially a 45+ woman) would leap at the opportunity to be with him. That didn't happen and now your coworker is feeling a bit off his game... But that's totally a guess. Maybe he thought that she was simply more into him than she really was. |
Anonymous
| I think this is an interesting subject....I got married late in life and now have a family. However, I have friends who have never married and we are all approaching 50. (I also have friends who are married.) I had lots of relatives, too, who never married. I thought maybe I would end up being a single person so maybe that it why this subject resonates with me. My opinion is that by your mid 40's, you have to reconcile with where you are in life, esp. women. By that age, it is unlikely you will have children. I think you need to embrace your life whether you are single or married. I know many of my single friends in their late 40's are having great lives. Their time is their own. They have $ and travel and pursue hobbies. That said, the ones who are dating or have significant others do seem happier than the ones who are truly single. I think upbringing and religion and personality and luck also has a lot to do with whether or not one gets married. My single friends who are not dating seemed to have given up on dating by their late 40's. They just dated less and less and less and are sort of "self-contained" independent types who don't seem to want to get involved in relationships. This sort of makes me sad for them but there are many people who for whatever reason are singletons and if they are happy, good for them. It is the ones who are unhappy that make me sad. |
Anonymous
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Yep, I'm sure that there was more to it than her not having ruled out kids at 46. Probably she just wasn't that into him. Poor guy. But we've all BTDT and he'll eventually move on.
Are people's (or women's) dating options so limited at 46? I'm married but the single women I know in their 40s-50s seem to be happily dating. Many of them are dating younger men or divorced men with kids. |