Should I reveal Aunt's drug addiction to my kids?
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Anonymous
| My sister has a drug addiction. She went to rehab ten years ago, has lived drug free until a recent relapsed. She is a highly functioning addict. My kids are now pre-teen to teen age. The adore their Auntie, but don't about her addiction. We see her about once every two months. I thought they were too young when she went to rehab, but now they range in age from 11 - 17 |
Anonymous
| I would talk to the 17 year old before he/she goes to college. I have many alcoholics in my family and my mom has been open about how many there are and how it's easier to get addicted to alcohol/drugs when addicts run in your family. |
Anonymous
| I'd let her address with them unless her behavior warrants it (i.e., you have to explain her absence when she is at rehab, or you need to explain why she isn't able to see them as frequently, etc.). FWIW, she may be a valuable resource in talking to your kids about addiction. Hearing about it from an addict is very powerful. |
Anonymous
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The school usually starts talking to kids about drugs/addiction around middle school. That might be the age when I would start discussing the specifics of a family member's addiction with a kid. You can definitely talk about something like this w/o slamming the relative in question.
At the same time, it's important for kids to know just how devastating, life altering, soul crushing addiction can be. Don't candy coat it. |
Anonymous
| They should know that they may be genetically predisposed to addiction and should be very aware of this as they are nearing the age when alcohol and drugs will be readily available to them. |
Anonymous
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yes and talk about it often and see if yoru sister will be willing to talk to them as well about how it all started, why she did it, why she went back etc. people are so scared to let their kids know this sort of stuff but it is best to educate them on all of it, sex, drugs, finances, cars, rent etc etc
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Anonymous
| We have addiction/substance abuse issues in my family. Even though my kids really haven't seen any of the effects, we've been very open with them that, in our family, we have an increased risk for these behaviors. I've been having these conversations with them since the oldest was probably about 7. I forget at what age they learned about smoking in school but it was pretty early and when they express astonishment that anyone would ever smoke, I remind them that as they get older, they'll be tempted to do things that are perceived as cool or fun. The problem is the people in my family have a hard time stopping, that's just the way our brains work. It was easy for my kids to understand that aspect because one was a thumb sucker, another bites his nails and the third has another stimming behavior. Even though those behaviors aren't harmful, they would like to stop but find it difficult. It helps them understand the difficulty an addict has. Now that my oldest is 11, we've been talking about 'self-medicating'. I hadn't planned to discuss it so young but he came home talking about someone getting drunk. If he's hearing this at school, well, I know we need to have this discussion now. |
Anonymous
| My brother has been in 6 different rehabs. We discuss it. It's better to explain addiction to a child than let them interpret it from the media. They need to see that their aunt is still a good person, not necessarily doing dangerous things to support her habit, etc. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
Also this. |
Anonymous
| DO IT! |
Anonymous
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My 17 year old nephew and I just had a huge talk about drugs this weekend. We don't see each other but maybe once a year but he and I talk via text every now and then. He knew I'd be more open to discussion than my sister and I was very open and honest with him and the fact that I used drugs in my youth, on occasion, and that I don't recommend it and I pointed out that both of his grandfathers were alcoholics and it's a disaster waiting to happen. I didn't tell my sister much about our conversation because I want my nephew to be able to come to me for advice and to feel comfortable about it but I did tell my sister that we talked about drugs and I didn't endorse them.
Point is. Your 17 year old is old enough to talk to your sister if she wants to and she may not be getting the answer you would give. Your 17 year old is also old enough to know the truth. So is the 11 year old. My 10 year old knows about addiction problems in our family. She knows my dad, brother, and BIL all have issues with alcohol and we discussed the predisposition with her. We also came up with an "out" should anyone offer her drugs. If she feels it's a situation where she would be bullied or pressured she's going to say she tried it and had an allergic reaction. She's gone into anaphylactic shock before and can describe it perfectly. |
Anonymous
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My kids also have an aunt with an drug addiction (she's my ex's sister). They are younger, both in elementary school, but we decided a couple of years ago that we had to talk to them. Her parents refuse to acknowledge the depth of her addiction (which is nuts, because she's never tried to hide it) and never refuse her a place to stay when she's at her worst, so several times my kids have encountered her in a pretty bad state when visiting their grandparents (who lie when asked ahead of time if their daughter is there).
We've tried to walk that line between framing her situation as an illness that deserves sympathy because we love her, but we also make sure they understand that she makes choices that put her in that state. It's a hard line to walk and I'm not sure we've always done a great job. But at least their father and I are on the same page on this issue. Ultimately we both hope that the one positive outcome from this very sad situation is that our kids won't have a casual attitude towards drug use and that they understand what addiction can do to your life. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely. For teens and tweens it is best not to cover up these issues. Be matter of fact about it and ask if they have any questions. They will likely be exposed to substance use in their peer group very soon, if they haven't already. There is a genetic component to some addictions which is yet another reason to disclose, and in general, it is helpful to have open conversations w/ teens re: drinking and drugs. Good luck. Signed, a family therapist |
Anonymous
| 11-17, yes they are old enough to understand this concept. |