help with c-section news

[Anonymous]

i have just been told that i have risk factors that means i will most likely need a c-section. i do not want to discuss them here or whether or not i should have the c-section ... i think that my mind is made up on that, the risk of injury to my child is beyond acceptable levels for me. i am 37.5 weeks and this news has come out of left field and i am devastated. can anyone help? the thought of not having that delivery room experience ... of having a cold, clinical surgical birth ... of not having the experience of being able to hold my baby right away or feel him coming out of me ... i just can't even describe how bitterly disappointed and depressed i am.

can anyone give me some words of advice to get through this?

[Anonymous]

by the way, this is my first baby and that means that i have a very good chance of never having the opportunity to have a vaginal delivery. i know VBACs are possible but I also know that OBs will flake on letting you VBAC if ANY little thing comes up.

[Anonymous]

No birth is cold and clinical!! You will be awake. YOu will hear your baby's first cry. Your husband will hold the baby immediately. You will be allowed to attempt breastfeeding soon after.

Very few things in parenting are how we imagine ahead of time, so you're just getting an early start

Really - I've had two c-sections and I don't feel like I missed out. Not to minimize or discount your feelings, but the birth itself is such a tiny, tiny part of parenting. It's huge to you now, of course, but once your baby is here and you're up all night, feeding, loving, cooing, he way your baby came into the world really doesn't matter one bit.

Good luck to you and congrats!

[Anonymous]

A c-section is fine. You will give birth just like anybody who has a vaginal delivery.

I'm not saying you should do this, but you could ask for a second opinion on whether you need a c-section. Though I'd tend to believe your OB.

[Anonymous]

Just remember to keep things in perspective. The whole point of having prenatal care is to insure the health of the mother and the child. You're fortunate enough to have that care, and a trained physician is now telling you the best way to keep you and your child safe. You're doing this for the health of your baby and that's what these nine months have been about - keeping him/her safe. It's only natural to have a preference for how you deliver, and of course you're disappointed that your birth plan is being derailed, but being a mother means knowing how to prioritize - and it sounds like that's what you've done. Don't focus on the negative - just remember how lucky you are to have made it this far in your pregnancy, how wonderful it will be to have your baby with you in just a matter of weeks, and how lucky your baby is to have you looking out for him/her before he/she even enters the world. The way I see it, the only room for regret as far as c-sections are concerned is when a woman is uninformed about her choices or bullied into having one. That's not the situation you're finding yourself in.

[Anonymous]

I had a c-section and my baby was in the same room the whole time and as soon as she was cleaned up they gave her to my husband who was sitting next to me. He even carried her down the hall to the Post-anesteshia unit walking rigth next to my gurney so she was never out of my sight and I didn't feel like I missed out. My c-section was an "emergency" after 1.5 hours of pushing so I did get the fun pain experience of contractions, but I missed out on the yucky episiotomy recovery pain. Honestly, my recovery was quicker and easier than many of my friends with vaginal births. Look at the positive side, the doctor's were able to figure out that you need a c-section before any potential harm could come to your baby. Just go with the flow and look forward to seeing your baby.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know how you feel. My first pregnancy, I spent four months in intensive natural birth classes, had a doula, the whole nine yards. Then, with three weeks left, the baby would not turn. He was breech and simply would not turn, despite many efforts. I had to schedule a C and was BITTERLY disappointed. I remember my dr. putting her hand on mine, looking me in the eye and saying "this is only the beginning of things happening not quite how you planned. you are better off getting on board with it now, or you will miss it!" She was right. It took about a week and many tears, but I talked to a bunch of other people who had c's and made it special and special things to request b/c of a C. You know what? It was great. It WAS magical and a miracle and everything else. My second was a c and great too.

If you want someone to talk you through it, let me know and I would be happy to call you!! You have every right to be disappointed, but get some info and get excited! You are coming home with that baby either way!

[Anonymous]

I know how disappointing that news must be for you. But if this makes you feel any better, I had a very difficult vaginal birth that left me in terrible pain for weeks and with pelvic floor damage that will have to be repaired by surgery at some point. My son was in intensive care for a week and required follow-up care for possible neurological damage resulting from the delivery (thank God, he is normal and healthy now). My recovery was much longer and more difficult than it would have been for a c0-section. Please don't assume that vaginal births are warm, joyous occasions and that C-sections are cold and clinical. The important thing is that you will have a beautiful healthy child thanks to this modern medical procedure.

Best wishes!

[Anonymous]

Give yourself some time to grieve over your expectations, and then just get over it. And I say that in the nicest way! I too wanted to have the natural experience and then scheduled a c-section. I heard and saw the baby as soon as they pulled him out. It was fine. They way I look at it, its like wanting the "perfect wedding" when what its really about is the marriage. The birth is just one part of one day--you will have this awesome little person forever!

One practical note--for the people who know that you will now be delivering via C-section, let them know that just because you are "scheduled" for 10am (or whatever) does NOT mean that they will necessarily get an email or call right away. You will still be in recovery, etc. and we had at least one person freak out when they didn't hear right away, when really everything was fine, we were just taking time to recover and enjoy ourselves.

Hang in there. Its gonna be great!

[Anonymous]

Your baby's birth will be great, regardless of the c-section. You will hear him/her cry, see him/her. It is not the same as a vaginal birth but that does not mean it is less. The awe of it all will be the same.

I agree with the poster equating our expectations to a perfect wedding. There is no perfect. Only your own.

[Anonymous]

"this is only the beginning of things happening not quite how you planned. you are better off getting on board with it now, or you will miss it!"

This.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. I know this is not the birth you had hoped for.

Some practical advice that might help you make the best out of a situation you didn't choose:

1. You can walk into the ER instead of being wheeled in. (Or at least I could.) This might make it feel a little more participatory and a little less clinical.

2. Ask that the epidural/spinal be administered on the table, rather than earlier at the anesthesiologist's convenience. This will minimize the time your baby is exposed to the drugs, which will help him/her be more alert and ready to nurse after delivery.

3. Ask what your options are during the surgery: Do your arms have to be strapped down? Can you hold your baby (with a spotter) while you're still on the table? If applicable, do you want them to tell you if it's a boy or girl, or do you want to find out yourself? Etc. etc.

4. Ensure that your doc double-stitches your uterus, instead of using a single layer. This will be a card in your favor if/when you think about a VBAC down the road.

5. Agitate to hold your baby as soon as possible. The first "golden hour" after birth is when your baby is alert and ready to nurse. Having this hour to cuddle is one of the things that helps get breastfeeding off to a good start -- as is working with a pediatrician who understands that it will take a bit longer than average for your milk to come in, and who won't be in a hurry to supplement.

6. As others have pointed out, this is your first lesson in parenthood: nothing is ever the way it looks in the commercial. Your frustration and disappointment are completely valid, but I hope it helps to think that you'll have many more amazing moments in the years to come. (And none of them will go as planned, either.)

[Anonymous]

I would just point out that you may -MAY- not be ready/alert to nurse an hour after birth. The pain meds they gave me -which I needed- made me pretty out of it for awhile. That may just be my experience. But, I did not get to hold her for awhile . . . that and she was VERY large and needed to be kept for monitoring (blood sugar issues) for a brief time. But, I did get to see her, give her a peck and could see them cleaning her up while I was being stitched up. I also insisted her dad stay with her every second that I could not.

I'm not saying this to scare you but to make sure that your expectations are realistic. I have a wonderful relationship with my DD now and she loves her mama . . . the C-section is a non-factor at this point.

[Anonymous]

Listen, you really will probably not care at all how the baby got here after a few months. I didn't have a c-section but did develop severe pre-eclampsia and had to be induced 7 weeks early. I was on Magnesium and developed Mag toxicity and could barely breath. My BP went through went the roof and we were in total shock and fear that our baby was coming so early. The minute she was born she was whisked off to the NICU. I saw one click glimpse and then I couldn't get up until the Mag was off and couldn't hold her for the first time until she was a day and half old. We couldn't take her home with us for a few weeks. The last thing on my mind was my birth experience. We were so thankful she came through everything OK and she is the most amazing little person.

While I have never had a c-section, it sounds down right warm and fuzzy compared to what we ended up doing.

[Anonymous]

HI there, sorry if my post takes up valuable space when I don't have any experience to share with you but wanted to say how much your post and the subsequent replies have helped me. I am much earlier in my pregnancy, aiming for a natural and dvaginal delivery but have some medical issues that may make a c-section necessary. For me it hasn't come out of left field, but it's still disapointing. I've had a little bit more time with it -- and although I still haven't given up hope for a natural birth, here is how I've come to terms with whatever might happen.

Many women really bend over backwards to have natural (or at least vaginal) births more and that is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, in spreading the word that natural is better, and perhaps even more so now because of the backlash against the "too posh to push" theory on elective c-sections, it seems that many childbirth professionals have painted the C-Section as the enemy. Women are guilted out of them so forcefully that when we actually really do HAVE to have one, it feels like we're failing, or making the wrong choice. What, are you less of a mom because your baby came out one way and not another?

In cases like yours, and possibly mine depending on how things work out, c-sections are what they need to be -- a vastly important medical advance that allows women who would have faced dangerous deliveries to give birth safely. While OB's have lagged behind on some aspects of childbirth (stirrups, still? hello!) I think that c-sections have come a loooong way. The fact that you can be awake when you deliver and watch it (if you have the stomach) is amazing to me.

None of this should be taken to mean I don't think you have every right to grieve over the loss of your birth plan. In some cases, I suspect it is easier for the woman with the emergency c-section because, in the reality of the moment, there's less time to worry about what we thought was ideal and more of a focus on doing what needs to be done, whatever that is. With the luxury of time to ruminate, however, all sorts of doubts creep in. Try your best not to let them take over. I hope when you have that baby in your arms, all will be better.

In the meantime, PP with the list of tips for c-section requests -- that is a great list of things for all women to keep in mind, just in case things don't go according to plan. Wanted to thank you for that.

OP, good luck to you and I hope you feel better about this soon. Good luck with your birth!