MIL boyfriend visiting in delivery room, post- partum

[Anonymous]

I had a baby a few weeks ago. MIL watched DC when we went to the hospital. Once baby was born (about 2 hours after we left her with DC), she asked DH if she could bring DC to hospital to meet the new baby. When they showed up (about 3 hours after giving birth), she had brought her boyfriend, in addition to DC. It was awkward bc I was still in the delivery room, half naked in the gown, still bleeding, etc. They all took a ton of pictures. I felt really awkward about the whole thing. The labor was generally smooth but I was still processin everything that had happened.
While MIL has only been dating him for about 6 months, it is a serious relationship and he helps MIL babysit DC often, which I have no issue with. I'm just not sure i appreciated having a man who is essentially a stranger to me (I've only let him 2-3 times) seeing me 3 hours post partum!!
MIL usually has good judgment about appropriateness and boundaries but here I think she crossed the line. I don't plan to say anything (what's the point now?) but wanted to get feedback on whether my feelings were valid.

SIL later came with her BF in the same time frame. Again, I was like, is this really necessary? She doesn't have kids so may not understand that most women do not want near-strangers seeing them 2-3 hours after giving birth!!

[Anonymous]

Is this your first? This is the least obtrusive thing. My 3 year old busted into the toilet while I was taking a poop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this your first? This is the least obtrusive thing. My 3 year old busted into the toilet while I was taking a poop.

Obviously you can't read well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this your first? This is the least obtrusive thing. My 3 year old busted into the toilet while I was taking a poop.

Obviously you can't read well.

+1 there's really no comparison.

[Anonymous]

So I'll put a full disclaimer on my comment that I welcomed a ton of visitors at the hospital and at home after DS was born.

That said, if you trust him enough to be around your kid while your MIL is babysitting, I'm sure MIL figured it would be ok for him to come with her. I mean, you say you don't know him at all but he helps watch your kid sometimes so....kind of a confusing statement. Either way, just chalk it up to misunderstanding/miscommunication. MIL probably figured when DH said it was fine to bring DC that he was also saying it was fine to bring her bf (if he was there with MIL and DC).

[Anonymous]

Look, I agree with how you feel. I think different women feel differently about visitors in the hospital after baby. I thought I would welcome friends to visit but once we got there and had baby in hand, I only wanted my mom and husband there. Nobody else. I declined any other visitors until we were settled at home.

However I think you have so many other things to think about right now, it seems strange to me that you are wasting time on this.

[Anonymous]

OP here: to clarify-- I would have had no problems with visitors but I just felt it was too soon after giving birth. I hadn't even been moved to the post partum recovery room yet.
As for how well I know the BF, MIL does not babysit for us that often but since he's been in the picture, maybe 2-3 times. He's certainly not someone I know well.
I did not know he was coming to the hospital or even with MIL. She came to our house alone when we left DC with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: to clarify-- I would have had no problems with visitors but I just felt it was too soon after giving birth. I hadn't even been moved to the post partum recovery room yet.
As for how well I know the BF, MIL does not babysit for us that often but since he's been in the picture, maybe 2-3 times. He's certainly not someone I know well.
I did not know he was coming to the hospital or even with MIL. She came to our house alone when we left DC with her.

Again, I think just miscommunication. MIL asked if she could bring DC to see baby and you said yes. Kind of implies you are ready to see MIL/bf since they were watching DC. If you werne't ready to see anyone but your DC, you should have been explicit when the arrived. Just sounds like miscommunication and you have plenty of other things to think about right now that I'd just let this one slide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby a few weeks ago. MIL watched DC when we went to the hospital. Once baby was born (about 2 hours after we left her with DC), she asked DH if she could bring DC to hospital to meet the new baby. When they showed up (about 3 hours after giving birth), she had brought her boyfriend, in addition to DC. It was awkward bc I was still in the delivery room, half naked in the gown, still bleeding, etc. They all took a ton of pictures. I felt really awkward about the whole thing. The labor was generally smooth but I was still processin everything that had happened.
While MIL has only been dating him for about 6 months, it is a serious relationship and he helps MIL babysit DC often, which I have no issue with. I'm just not sure i appreciated having a man who is essentially a stranger to me (I've only let him 2-3 times) seeing me 3 hours post partum!!
MIL usually has good judgment about appropriateness and boundaries but here I think she crossed the line. I don't plan to say anything (what's the point now?) but wanted to get feedback on whether my feelings were valid.

SIL later came with her BF in the same time frame. Again, I was like, is this really necessary? She doesn't have kids so may not understand that most women do not want near-strangers seeing them 2-3 hours after giving birth!!

So does he babysit often or doesn't he?

Anyway, move on. It's over now and like a PP said, I'm sure you have more important things to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: to clarify-- I would have had no problems with visitors but I just felt it was too soon after giving birth. I hadn't even been moved to the post partum recovery room yet.
As for how well I know the BF, MIL does not babysit for us that often but since he's been in the picture, maybe 2-3 times. He's certainly not someone I know well.
I did not know he was coming to the hospital or even with MIL. She came to our house alone when we left DC with her.

If I didn't know him well, I might be more uncomfortable about him babysitting my kid than being in the delivery room.

[Anonymous]

I said no way because MIL is always using her camera at the LEAST opportune times, as a RULE. This gives you an idea.

[Anonymous]

You were still in the delivery room three hrs after having birth?? Where did you deliver? Why were you half naked three hrs after delivery? Why were you worried about the fact that you were still bleeding? Most women bleed for a couple of weeks after delivery. I get the feeling that these are all excuses- that you didn't want anyone to visit. You should've used your big girl voice and said no visitors until the next day. This is all on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were still in the delivery room three hrs after having birth?? Where did you deliver? Why were you half naked three hrs after delivery? Why were you worried about the fact that you were still bleeding? Most women bleed for a couple of weeks after delivery. I get the feeling that these are all excuses- that you didn't want anyone to visit. You should've used your big girl voice and said no visitors until the next day. This is all on you.

She wasn't worried about it, but bleeding 3 houraafter

[Anonymous]

OP, hells no.

[Anonymous]

OMG. I did not want my MIL in the delivery room, let alone a boyfriend.