Is it worth saying something to MIL over this?
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Anonymous
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MIL has a good heart and only good intentions, but she does not think before she speaks and often says/emails/texts things that drive me crazy. Next weekend she and FIL are babysitting our toddler DD while DH and I attend a wedding. Today she sent me a packing "Wish List" outlining all the things I need to pack for DD (no joke it was at least 25 items long and included things like pajamas and socks - obviously I will pack those!) she also referred to DD as her "living baby doll" and demanded I pack at least two pretty dresses and dress shoes (wrote "very important" next to them with about five exclamation points following).
I was going to pack dresses for DD anyway bc MIL buys her so many of them and I always try to make sure she's wearing them around MIL bc I know she gets a kick out of seeing DD dressed up. So I guess what really rubbed me the wrong way is 1) I resent being given a packing list, as if I couldn't pack for DD myself and 2) my daughter being referred to as a living doll. I don't want to start a fight with my MIL but these types of emails are typical of what she sends to me on an almost daily basis. DH's strategy is to ignore her and call her once or twice a week to address all her emails at once. But I have found that if I ignore her, she will either flood my inbox orcall DH to complain that I didn't respond. I got 14 text messages from her in two hours the other day. As I typed this I realized I really have two issues: whether or not to let her know how I feel about this particular email, and how to handle communications with her going forward. I think she means well but she's completely overbearing and driving me crazy. |
Anonymous
| Nope. |
Anonymous
| Let your post on DCUM be the last you mention this. It is a bit irritating, but honestly, she's not trying to make ur baby sleep in the oven. She sent a packing list, it has nothing to do with your inability to pack, it was just a wish list of what she wants. No biggie! The living doll thing, not the way you relate or refer to your kid. Roll your eyes in your head and keep it moving. Seriously, of all the things you will encounter as a parent, this is not even a blip on your radar. Let it go and enjoy the wedding. |
Anonymous
| Eh, I would just send a non responsive response to let her know you got it - "looking forward to seeing you!" - and then pack what I wanted. |
Anonymous
| No big deal. |
Anonymous
| Get over yourself. |
Anonymous
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That's so annoying and internal eye roll worthy. Nothing more. Know that she means well and count your blessing that's she's available and involved and so excited.
I agree with pp to let this be the last vent or time you mention this. I think the stress on party dresses is cute and your dd will love it and she's probably going to go overboard over getting fancy and dressing up with dd. She'll be creating traditions and memories with dd that will last a lifetime. |
Anonymous
| Ok, thanks all. I will internally roll my eyes and move on. Thanks for the feedback |
Anonymous
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Totally annoying. I wouldn't respond to that specific email, but I do think if you're getting 14 text messages in a couple of hours, you ought to bring up proper communication.
I think it's fair to say something like, "Gladys, I'm feeling a lot of stress from incoming emails, texts, and phone calls. Would it be possible to stay in touch once a week unless there is something urgent that you need? I want to be responsive when you really need it but I simply can't keep up with all of this email and text traffic. It's not just you - I'm simply overwhelmed from all sources." |
Anonymous
This is your real issue. That would drive me nuts. I would talk with DH about it, and I think I would back off a bit from your ILs. Let DH handle most of the communication. Write back to such an e-mail, "DH will get back to you on that," forward him the e-mail, and then ignore follow-ups. It sounds like DH has figured out how to make her back off from him, and now she's going to you. Time to learn a thing or two from DH and get her to back off you also. As for the list, I think I'd write back something like, "Thanks, we've got it under control" and also consider that as a standard response for such ridiculousness. |
Anonymous
Thanks for this! I work in a secure facility (which she knows) and can only check my phone/email after work or days like today when I'm off site. So the build-up of messages is quite frustrating. I will pick an appropriate time to remind her that I can't always respond right away and if she needs an immediate answer to direct her inquiry to DH 
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Anonymous
Yes. This PP is right. The "living doll" and packing list are nothing, nothing--they are just rubbing you wrong because of the issue this PP has outlined above. Really--say nothing about the living doll/packing list. I'm saying that as one who was a stickler for something my FIL did years ago, and now I wish I had just let it roll off my back. The real issue is her compulsive texting/emailing. I'd reply to the first one "thanks, got it under control," like PP says, and then ignore, ignore, the 23 others. And turn off your sounds so you can ignore your texts (can you fix your phone to not receive texts from her? I don't know the answer to that one). Really, unless you are trying to meet someone somewhere, most texts are not urgent and could be done in an email so don't be a slave to your text (especially since she's got a hold of it) What I would do, pp, is NEVER reply to a text from her (or the resulting cell phone call). Just tell her something's up with your phone and you don't get all your texts. Tell her to email you instead. After a while, she'll go back to email. 23 emails is bad, but nothing like 23 texts. |
Anonymous
| NP. Your MIL sounds annoying but not terrible. I wouldn't confront MIL, but I would feel free to write back and say something like "No worries MIL I got this packing thing taken care of and I'll make sure to pack a pretty dress for dd to wear". As far as the multiple emails/texts. Answer them at your leisure in the way you want to. If she complains to your DH about it, DH should tell her that it's up to you on when you get back to emails and that perhaps she is emailing too frequently. |
Anonymous
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It all depends on your MILs personality. My FIL overstepped our boundaries and we had no problem being direct with him (and pretty snippy even), in telling him how we felt. Part of me expected for this to cause drama, but part of me didn't. As it turned out, FIL texted dh the next day to apologize for what he'd said to us; dh graciously accepted the apology, and told him no worries, and we moved on. So far, so good, no more overstepping.
My point is, nobody here knows how your MIL will react if you tell her to lay off the "baby doll" talk, or tell her you were miffed about the list. Only you know how this particular person in this particular situation might affect your particular family. |
Anonymous
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She is probably a lovely woman who REALLY digs her grandparent status.
I would pack what would make my DD happy and comfortable, and if that coincides with the list great, and if not, I wouldn't mind. The living doll comment would totally skeeve me out too, OP. I hope the grandfather is more sane. |