Facebook = Babybook (warning DC mentioned)

[Anonymous]

Ughh I wish I had the self control to give up on facebook. It is seriously turning me into a bitter person seeing all the baby/kids posts. I have one child through IUI (and believe me feel SO very blesed), but the second go has been much much MUCh harder (2 years into treatment). I've really become aware in the last few months that there are SOOO many people on facebook that 1) almost exclusively post about their children/babies or 2) almost exclusively LIKE/comment on posts about kids and babies. I've consiously tried to post about things besides my DC, like work and pop culture. And I notice people who don't like my posts, but will like a post that says "I just changed a diaper, woohoo" or something mundane baby related like that. I guess I feel my 'infertile' life is not as validated as the baby/kid posts of all the fertiles. It is so hard feeling like you can't come to the party, so to speak. I also cynically start to think that many people I know have an identity wrapped up in having kids. I guess one of the *very* mixed blessings of infertility is that my life cannot be defined by having babies. At my best moments, I know I am becoming so strong for having gone through this, and feel someday I will be in a better place for having gone through these tough years (and had to be a person beyond just having babies), but in my worst I feel almost angry at the world I see reflected through facebook.

I know this probably seems like a very cynical (and pathetic) post but I had to get it off my chest. And somehow I have to stop going on facebook!!!!

[Anonymous]

Studies have found that regular use of social media, specifically Facebook, have strong correlations between lower feelings of self worth, and depression. People tend to post their "best selves" rather than the reality of their lives.

Take it easy on yourself and definitely try to cut back. I'd even block some friends who exclusively post baby stuff, they'll never know and you can reverse it later.

[Anonymous]

Facebook has changed their algorithm and the messed up most of people news feeds. I know that I had stop seeing some of my friends status updates, some are not seeing mine. I see tons of stuff from certain people. Does not matter if I use post most recent updates. I do not know if this can help you, but it could the reason you are not getting many likes in no baby stuff. Your post may not been published around.

[Anonymous]

Op hang in there. Are you doing IVF now? How many rounds? How old? I'm sure it will work soon for you. I am struggling with secondary infertility as well, and it SUCKS. it's harder than the first go round in some ways.

[Anonymous]

". I guess I feel my 'infertile' life is not as validated as the baby/kid posts of all the fertiles."

But to those people who don't struggle with this, you are not an "infertile." You have a child; you're "in the club." Everything after that has less to do with fertility issues than it does with different Facebook philosophies.

I also think you may be hyper -focusing and exaggerating some of these issues because of the struggle. It's at the center of your life now so the disparity on facebook seems bigger than it is.

I have a very fertile friend, 5 kids, who NEVER posts anything about her kids, ever. Than a friend who adopted who posts ONLY about her daughter. It's not really about validating your lifestyle; it's about validating their own.

You need to not worry about the stupid like button on Facebook. Getting bogged down in that makes this worse.

[Anonymous]

Oops. "then" not "than."

[Anonymous]

I think you're taking others' posts and FB activity way too personally. People post and respond to things they can relate to. They probably don't realize how carefully you're studying and analyzing things.

Just reme,ber, their fb activity has little to do with you or even their real relationships.

It's time to log off. Deactivate your account for Lent or something.

[Anonymous]

OP, I liked your rant. I've really cut down on my facebook time for the same reasons. I appreciated hearing your perspective of someone who already has 1 child. I don't have any children yet and have been battling this monster for 3 years now and definitely feel the same way you do that people's identities are wrapped up in children. Part of me thought I was hyper-focusing since I am your stereotypical "infertile" person but now hearing your account I'm feeling more validated.

Agreed that now having gone through all this I will be EXTREMELY sensitive to posting that kind of crap on social media. While having children is a huge part of my goals for my life, I realize the importance of not letting it define you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I liked your rant. I've really cut down on my facebook time for the same reasons. I appreciated hearing your perspective of someone who already has 1 child. I don't have any children yet and have been battling this monster for 3 years now and definitely feel the same way you do that people's identities are wrapped up in children. Part of me thought I was hyper-focusing since I am your stereotypical "infertile" person but now hearing your account I'm feeling more validated.

Agreed that now having gone through all this I will be EXTREMELY sensitive to posting that kind of crap on social media. While having children is a huge part of my goals for my life, I realize the importance of not letting it define you.

Did I just type this or did someone else?! This is me, as well.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I have to admit, 90% of what I post on Facebook is kid pics. We adopted our daughter from the other side of the world, and she still has family there. With the time difference/language barrier, Facebook is the simplest way for us to keep them apprised about her life.

My Facebook presence in no way represents how I define myself or what I value in my life or my friend's lives.

[Anonymous]

I'm infertile and got rid of facebook in 2005. This confirms that I made the right choice all those years ago.

[Anonymous]

As my friends' babies get older the posts just get lamer and stupider. A 3 year old is not as fun to look at as a cute baby and by then the parents' lives are totally boring. It actually makes me feel better sometimes to be childless!

[Anonymous]

This is me in a nutshell. Recently had a miscarriage (no kids yet) and seeing newly pregnant bumps is very hard. I had such a terrible day yesterday. A friend posted an ultra sound picture as her "I'm pregnant announcement" and I realized it was the same due date I would have been. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

[Anonymous]

So sorry pp. This happened to me too but the friend is due at the end Of The month. It sucks. Stay hopeful, we have to!

[Anonymous]

Seriously people, you are acting like a bunch of adolescents. Other people's facebook posts have little to do with you. If you're that sensitive to them, log off.