For those who have been through divorce

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends is getting divorced. What can I do to help this person? If you had a friend support you during your divorce, what did they do for you that really helped you? I will, of course, do all the typical things. Listen mostly and be an emotional support. But, I just feel so helpless. Is there anything else I can do?

Also, I don't want to say the wrong thing. Are there particular phrases that you found hurtful or completely off base? I think my friend's partner is being completely selfish and I never liked how the partner treated my friend. Is it wrong to tell my friend these things?

Thanks for your insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my best friends is getting divorced. What can I do to help this person? If you had a friend support you during your divorce, what did they do for you that really helped you? I will, of course, do all the typical things. Listen mostly and be an emotional support. But, I just feel so helpless. Is there anything else I can do?

Also, I don't want to say the wrong thing. Are there particular phrases that you found hurtful or completely off base? I think my friend's partner is being completely selfish and I never liked how the partner treated my friend. Is it wrong to tell my friend these things?

Thanks for your insight.

as a guy, my best friend was simply there for me - if I wanted to talk, he'd listen and provide an ear. if I wanted to hang out with his family and simply "be", that was perfectly cool. he and his family treated me like life was going on normally - no walking on egg shells. from time to time, he'd bring up "so what's your next step", but that was it.

the person going through the divorce needs to process this, go through the hellish rollercoaster ride of emotions. one thing is that no matter how you feel about the stbx partner, keep that to yourself. don't pile on - at least not now.

[Anonymous]

Just listen.

[Anonymous]

I agree. Listen and tell you explictedly that you are there for her. For me, after my divorce, I lost a LOT of couple friends because somehow divorce made it uncomfortable and they didn't want to choose sides. It's not choosing sides. If she is truely your friend, then be there for her.

Also - you can listen etc etc etc, but sometimes being a source of distraction is good too. Go to a movie, a nice dinner, a road trip, a walk.

In a divorce your friend is going to have a fair amount of alone time now and its an odd feeling to have after being with a person for so long. You can be a buffer for her lonliness.

Also - urge her to also get counseling. Having a truely 3rd party to listen to the craziness is quite helpful

[Anonymous]

The biggest issue I found was that people stopped including me in activities that I was always involved with. It was not even a matter of choosing between ex and me because ex was not involved in those activities. It was very hard the first year, especially at the holidays when I wasn't included in the usual parties and got dropped off Christmas card lists.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the suggestions (OP Here!)