Anyone else feel their kids don't really like them?

[Anonymous]

I don't mean a phase, I mean you're pretty sure they prefer your spouse and aren't all that attached to you?

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids, OP?

[Anonymous]

Upper elementary

[Anonymous]

Yep, my 14 year old pretty much dislikes me and prefers my husband. But I'm OK with that. I'm parenting. And my husband is as well, it's just a different approach that is more appealing to my son. I'm working on my approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upper elementary

Ages?

[Anonymous]

10, 12

[Anonymous]

Eh, it is just a phase. Gosh, I don't think I liked my mom at all between the ages of 13 and 19 or 20. Now I love spending time with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, my 14 year old pretty much dislikes me and prefers my husband. But I'm OK with that. I'm parenting. And my husband is as well, it's just a different approach that is more appealing to my son. I'm working on my approach.

Not here. Ditto almost exactly.
He has always liked DH better and most days I think he dislikes me.

[Anonymous]

My two boys (10 and 13) prefer hanging out with me vs. my wife.

I'm just as strict, but when it comes to getting them to do a chore or other unpleasant activity, I give commands (e.g., "no", "do the dishes, now please", "take out the trash") vs. my wife who goes on and on about everything (e.g., "now junior, that wasn't such a good idea was it? Don't do that or you'll cut off your hand", "you know, I've asked you 3 times to do the dishes today but you don't listen. If I have to ask you again, I'm going to get your father", "something smells, did you take out the trash?, Why not?, you really need to contribute more around the house, blah blah blah blah")

[Anonymous]

20:22, maybe your wife wouldn't have to nag the kids so much if they respected her enough to do as she asked the first time she asked it (if you notice her saying she's asked them X times to do something and it hasn't been done). Since your boys respect you enough to follow your direct commands, maybe they'll listen to you on this. (None of this is meant as snark/sarcasm/meanness; I think it's your excellent relationship with your kids that allows you to take it a step further and -- maybe -- help their relationship with your wife, too.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two boys (10 and 13) prefer hanging out with me vs. my wife.

I'm just as strict, but when it comes to getting them to do a chore or other unpleasant activity, I give commands (e.g., "no", "do the dishes, now please", "take out the trash") vs. my wife who goes on and on about everything (e.g., "now junior, that wasn't such a good idea was it? Don't do that or you'll cut off your hand", "you know, I've asked you 3 times to do the dishes today but you don't listen. If I have to ask you again, I'm going to get your father", "something smells, did you take out the trash?, Why not?, you really need to contribute more around the house, blah blah blah blah")

Oh my gosh, no wonder your kids prefer you. Even listening to your wife talk like that to someone else would drive me nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two boys (10 and 13) prefer hanging out with me vs. my wife.

I'm just as strict, but when it comes to getting them to do a chore or other unpleasant activity, I give commands (e.g., "no", "do the dishes, now please", "take out the trash") vs. my wife who goes on and on about everything (e.g., "now junior, that wasn't such a good idea was it? Don't do that or you'll cut off your hand", "you know, I've asked you 3 times to do the dishes today but you don't listen. If I have to ask you again, I'm going to get your father", "something smells, did you take out the trash?, Why not?, you really need to contribute more around the house, blah blah blah blah")

Oh my gosh, no wonder your kids prefer you. Even listening to your wife talk like that to someone else would drive me nuts.

[Anonymous]

I tink its pretty developmentally appropriate for kids at this age to push parents away, especially the mother if she's done the heavy lifting.

[Anonymous]

Growing up I didn't like my mother and she didn't really like me. I was close with my dad though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tink its pretty developmentally appropriate for kids at this age to push parents away, especially the mother if she's done the heavy lifting.

Or sometimes the dad is just the parent the kids are most connected to. Doesn't mean he wasn't equally involved. Maybe he yells less, enjoys life more, listens to them rather than telling them what to do, who knows... Lots of kids have fantastic moms and lots of kids don't. Read posts on here about mothers and mothers in law - not everyone's mothers were fantastic. Nothing to do with 'heavy lifting'. That is the saint/martyr/victim personality shining through.

I agree that developmentally it is an age to turn to friends and to start wanting independence and pushing parents away. It never hurts though to reevaluate how you are communicating with your kids, what the dynamics of the relationship are like, and where the trigger points are.