Mother and thank you notes
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Anonymous
| My mom seems to be displaying some concerning behavior. She is obsessed with whether or not my husband and I sent thank you notes for a family shower. We sent thank you notes before the holidays but for some reason she feels we have slighted her family and friends and did not send. It is getting to be a major stressor as she is constantly texting and emailing my husband and I with reminders, contacting our family and friends, and bringing it up obsessively in conversations. It has got to the point where she does not like to hear of people giving is gifts because she thinks we won't acknowledge them. My husband and I always write thank you notes and have already sent then. Now she is emailing people asking and sending her own thank you notes. It is embarrassing. What should I do? I have a two week old baby and this is getting to be old especially since I have a lot of new thank you notes to write. |
Anonymous
| Send her an email saying "Mom, Jeff and I sent out all our thank you notes for the shower before December 20, 2013." Then when she brings it up again, say "Mom, please refer to the email I sent you regarding this dated March 3, 2014." Then keep repeating that. |
Anonymous
| Put her down. |
Anonymous
| Is there someone she's talked to who didn't receive one? |
Anonymous
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Any other signs of cognitive changes?
Is this new or unexpected behavior for her? If my mother started behaving this way out if the blue I would be very concerned about dementia. |
Anonymous
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Stop telling her when people give you presents.
Is she doing other crazy things? I might talk to other family members sho are close to her about her behavior. |
Anonymous
| My mom is young and does not have dementia. She has social anxiety and fixates on these things. She was at the shower and at my house for a week so she saw people deliver and bring gifts. I'm at the point where I might call or email everyone I sent notes to and just make sure they received it but really don't have time for this drama. My mom has been fine in recent years with her mental health but lately seems unstable. I talked to my dad and siblings. Infortunately she won't go to a doctor or do therapy or take medication. |
Anonymous
This. Someone said something to her. |
Anonymous
| Give her $50 to write the thank you notes for you. Everyone is happy. |
Anonymous
| It is new grandma craziness. My mother and MIL were both afflicted by this. It will settle down. If she weren't crazy about this it would be something else, Let her obsess over it and go about your business, you have plenty to do with a new baby. Later on when she gets time with the baby she will calm down. |
Anonymous
Don't do this and if you don't have time for drama stop buying in. You gave your mom the answer. Ignore the emails and texts. |
Anonymous
| Did your mom say there was a person who did not receive a note? Maybe she was talking to someone on the phone and they asked if you received the item they sent. Make sure you sent thank you notes to everyone and didn't just call or email her friends. |
Anonymous
Yes, unless there's other indicia of dementia, I think she's just embarrassed for yourself and for you and wants to make sure you have properly thanked those who spent time and money to buy you a gift. |
Anonymous
My guess as well. |
Anonymous
My mother does this too. She is obsessed with ensuring thank you notes are sent. Went as far as pulling together all addresses for me and sending me the cards. Helpful, yes, a little obsessive and anxious, also yes. In the end, it's not about your but about their Victorian obsession with how they are viewed by their own social circle. I'd much rather just hope I taught my kid to be polite and thank people. Too much work to worry about whether they sent thank you's once they're out of my house. |