How does social anxiety manifest itself for your child?

[Anonymous]

I have a teenage daughter who is having some issues that we believe may be social anxiety. She can make friends, but has a hard time doing so, and is very quiet around any and all people. When it's just our I medicate family she is a happy, excitable teen, but the second we or she is around someone else she clams up. She will not make decisions for herself outside of our home, and refuses to talk to her teachers because of the anxiety is causes her. She also has very clear testing anxiety, which she is aware of and just does her best to control (difficult when you're in high school and testing all the time!!!)

She also gets hives before very stress-provoking situations (big tests, speeches, new changes, first day of school) and these are totally unrelated to any food or material allergy. She's been tested over and over again and nothing has been found to be the cause of these hives other than stress.

I just wish so badly there is some treatment we could provide to make things easier for her. Though I'm not 100% sure it's social anxiety. I think it would take a lot for her to talk to a therapist, but I do think we need to give her the option. Anyone who has experience with social anxiety or related issues, does this sound like it? Or what could it be? Any advice would be great, thanks.

[Anonymous]

It's not social anxiety! It doesn't need treatment. She's just growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not social anxiety! It doesn't need treatment. She's just growing up.

How in the world would you know that, pp?

OP, if her anxiety is negatively impacting her life, then it should be dealt with through therapy at the least. Whether she'd qualify for a clinical diagnosis doesnt matter. If you post where you are, peope can guve recs for a therapist/psychologist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not social anxiety! It doesn't need treatment. She's just growing up.

??

It sounds like several kinds of anxiety to me, social, performance, maybe more. Therapy can be extremely helpful. I was able to manage on my own as a teen but sometimes it catches up with you after in life when demands increase and you haven't learned many strategies to deal with stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not social anxiety! It doesn't need treatment. She's just growing up.

I've raised four kids. She's my third. All but one are what you'd call introverted or shy, but for her it's an extreme. She won't leave the house, she won't ask anyone to do anything, everything she does has to be initiated by someone else. And even then she probably only gets out 1/10 times she's asked. She says she doesn't want to. She's a smart and wonderful teen, but she's told me she feels like she's held back and can't give a clear reason as to why.
Anyone have any idea about the hives? I'll post on the medical board too because it may be able to be answered over there

[Anonymous]

She's an introvert who has an anxiety disorder. I dated a guy who had this. He would break out in hives if not on his medication for the anxiety and had a presentation at work. She needs medication in the immediate, and CBT to give her the tools to control it without medication.

[Anonymous]

It is social anxiety. You should see a child psychologist. I had it and so does DS. It did get a little easier for me as an adult than as a teen/young adult but oh how I wish my parents had gotten me some help. This is more than just being shy.

[Anonymous]

It's not just social anxiety, it's anxiety period. Your DD needs to learn techniques that will help her control it because right now, it's controlling her. I suggest you start with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's good for everyone to learn those techniques because we all get stressed/anxious at some point and benefit from learning how to de-escalate. If she has trouble with it, medication is always an option - and doesn't have to be long term, just long enough for her to learn to better control her anxiety. She doesn't have to go through life like this.

[Anonymous]

I agree she needs some therapy. Group therapy might be a good option for her too so she can learn to be comfortable around strangers and feel that she is not alone.

Also, I think yoga/mediation could do wonders for her. It helped me a lot and gave me some tools and also helped my self-esteem when younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not social anxiety! It doesn't need treatment. She's just growing up.

Come back when you know what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

I agree with all of the above except for R1. There are lots of books on the subject she could read. Many aimed at teens. There's a workbook for teens available on Amazon.com. That might be a good starting place until you find or decide on a therapist. Anxiety disorders are very common and there are quite a few posts here on the topic. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Stress and hives are pretty common OP. Likely no medical reason - stress isn't just psychological, it is physiological as well and can easily cause many physical symptoms.

I agree with others that some CBT to help her replace the anxiety loop thoughts would be helpful before it gets too set as a pattern of thinking.

[Anonymous]

If she's that anxious that she's breaking out in hives and having other physical symptoms due to stress, you need to take her to a doctor. I would start with a psychologist.

This is no way to live. Poor thing sounds miserable.

[Anonymous]

Agree with CBT, having her read self-hep books for teens, etc. In addition, there are a few things you can focus on at home as well. Make sure she develops one or more areas at which she excels. Establish a sound relationship with one adult she trusts (teacher, coach), where she feels challenged and successful. Building her sense of confidence comes from many angles, and there are unique opportunities to do so at home and through after-school activities. With 4 kids, one of which is extrovert, her time alone with her parents is likely limited. But it's worth carving out time to go out for a special treat and connect.

It took us about 1 year of work to build my daughter's confidence, and while she still falls back on old patterns, sometimes, for the most part, she has become confident and social. In our case, she developed swimming as her strength, and has an excellent relationship with the swim team she's in. While she used to show up at practice and meets with a frown on her face and white knuckles from anxiety, her coach was instrumental in leading her to success and confidence. The team adores her unconditionally, and that has had a powerful effect on her sense of self. That has carried over to school and other activties. Our 1:1 time is a dash to a coffee shop to work on math or french -- we chat, we work and come back with a renewed sense of greatness.

I'm still looking for that great CBT recommendation, and we tried several, without success, because they spent months getting to know her but not quite succeeding. I the end, work we did in her environment was what helped.

[Anonymous]

Our DC has traits of generalized anxiety, which manifest themselves primarily in avoidance, and avoidance is one of the worst things you can do with anxiety. We have had an excellent experience with a therapist at Alvord Baker. CBT is a highly effective way to learn essential skills for managing anxiety and I wanted DC to learn those skills sooner rather than later. CBT is generalizable to everything and there is a great deal parents can do to help implement strategies at home and in other settings. Good luck to you and your DD.