Brothers did not go to mother's funeral in their home town. Did they hate her?
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Anonymous
My mother died recently. Brothers refused to claim her body from the hospital. Refused to sign the paperwork for the release. Did not show up for the funeral. So sad. 
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Anonymous
| I'm sorry for your loss and your brothers' behavior. There's not enough info here to determine whether they hated your mother. Some people are bitter about a,b or c and act out to show the world that they are angry. Maybe she didn't give them money at some point, maybe she did treat them badly, or....? Can you provide more info? |
Anonymous
| Sorry for your loss OP. Have you asked them this? Did she abuse or treat them poorly? I think you would know if they felt this way prior to her death. Maybe they don't know how to deal with their feelings about her and were overwhelmed? |
Anonymous
| OP, sorry for your loss. Is it possible that any dispute wasn't between your brothers and your mother, but between the brothers themselves? Maybe they had argued over her care, or over which of them had the right to plan her funeral arrangements, etc. It's still sad that, whatever the reason, they behaved this way. OP, if you don't know the reasons, ask them but maybe after some time has passed and things are less emotional and raw. |
Anonymous
| And you have no idea why? Really? |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Did not claim her body from the morgue? Really? |
Anonymous
| OP, how can you not have an inkling of why they would act that way? |
Anonymous
| This was out of the blue? They had a loving relationship before and then they both just suddenly changed when she passed? There has to be more to the story. |
Anonymous
| I agree we would have to know more. My husband has four brothers and I could see two of them acting like this. But they sit around smoking pot all day and do nothing. So it wouldn't be a matter of hating the person. They are just wastes. |
Anonymous
| What siblings claimed the body, filled out the paperwork, and planned the funeral? Why was it assumed that these two brothers would handle these details? Are they wealthy? Usually, when this kind of dysfunction happens there's fighting within the family because there's no will. For some people, their feelings of not being loved by the parent start coming to the surface. When a parent dies it can magnify the problems that existed in sibling relationships, i.e., mom loved him/her more than me. It's huge not to attend your own mother's funeral, something definitely had to be wrong. |
Anonymous
Actually, I'm pretty sure OP knows why. She doesn't say here that she doesn't know why, she just gives the most basic outline of a few facts and says how sad she is. But I'm pretty sure she knows the context, she's just choosing not to tell any of it. I'm almost 50, and never ever ever in my life (and I work with families for a living as well as just having my own family and friends), never have I heard of anything like this where there is no reason. Kids are not wired to reject their parents, unless there have been a LOT of experiential negative situations in that history. Not saying it's the mom's fault, obviously we know nothing about the situation. Just saying 100% of the time that I've heard of this scenario (and I've heard it a lot in some form), when you unpack hte family history, there are very very clear reasons for it. And a lot of pain. |
Anonymous
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I'm the first pp and will suggest another possible scenario. Maybe they just can't handle the idea of their mother's death and are avoiding the situation altogether rather than facing it. They dumped all the procedural stuff on someone/anyone else and avoided the funeral to boot.
Hard to know without more info. |
Anonymous
| On another thread people are telling the OP not to attend her grandmother's funeral since she doesn't like her mother and brother. maybe someone gave your brothers the same advice. |
Anonymous
+1 |