Grumpy/sensitive/touchy baby and toddlers who became well-adjusted older kids?

[Anonymous]

I adore my child, but from day one he has been very challenging. He was "colicky" as an infant, very rarely just relaxed or content, almost always fussy or crying if he wasn't being fed or sleeping. Sleep was a nightmare and it took a VERY long time for him to sleep longer than a couple hours at a time. There was some painful reflux contributing to that early on, but the difficulties continued long after the reflux was managed with meds. He's almost two now, and I feel like our lives are constant management to avoid giant meltdowns. I dread tantrums because they can last for hours. The other night he didn't want to go to bed, and cried for THREE hours (we went in periodically to comfort him and put him back down, which only made him more upset). I feel like I'm constantly explaining his demeanor to family and friends - he woke up too early this morning, didn't take a very long nap today, maybe he's coming down with something, etc. I get looks of judgment all the time, like it's our fault that he's this way (that he's spoiled, that we're overly permissive, stuff like that). The flip side is that when he's happy he's pure sunshine. He's fun and hilarious and smart as a whip, and when things are good they are great. I love him to death but am emotionally exhausted feeling like I'm in constant "management" mode, trying to structure his days so that we won't have a giant meltdown or major clinginess and refusal to just relax and play.

Sorry for the long rant, but the real question is - has anyone had a really challenging baby and toddler like this who grew into a well adjusted and happy older kid? Lately I'm so discouraged, because for two years I've been thinking he'd somehow grow out of this, and now I'm starting to wonder if something is really wrong and if we're going to get some scary diagnosis in a few years, or if his natural disposition will be discontented. I'd love to hear from someone / anyone that this can be "normal" and that he can grow into a happy well adjusted kid.

[Anonymous]

No advice, just empathy. My son is just.like.this and I wonder the same thing about him. He has moments of being the cutest, funniest, smartest little guy and many other moments of being highly sensitive and unhappy about many things. Definitely in constant management mode. His latest thing is screaming -- opening his mouth and letting out a loooong loud, piercing scream until he is out of breath and is shaking and red. Then he says, "I screamed". We have an older child who is nothing like this so I just wonder how he will progress.

[Anonymous]

I'm 13:24 and my son is currently 22 months. I am thinking by 3 maybe things might get a bit easier, i.e., when he is more self-sufficient

[Anonymous]

No chance. Expose him on the hillside now .

I have no idea the actual answer to your question, but just sympathy - hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Childhood behavior doesn't always reflect adult behavior. HOWEVER, I think sometimes the moodiness/tantrums/temper etc reflect aspects of their own personality or their environment that kids don't know how to react to or handle yet. If you can help your child become more self-aware and reflective as s/he grows older, I think you will be doing a great thing as a parent. I keep this in mind especially when my child is displaying my own flaws and I think about why s/he may be behaving this way. What would I need at this time. Sometimes it's teaching them to take a few minutes to go and calm down on their own. Sometimes it's teaching them what to say when someone is talking to them and they just don't feel like interacting, etc.

[Anonymous]

My mom always told me I never slept and wanted to be held all the time. I am 40 and well adjusted. I wad a good smart kidx but a difficult crabby baby. It can work out!

[Anonymous]

Collic is different than reflux. Your kid was screaming because he was in pain. Give the kid a break.

[Anonymous]

My 2.5 boy is just like this. We even had a nanny tell us how challenging he was. She also mentioned that boys like this manage to be really intelligent, which is totally the case w ds.

I used to hate parents who just didnt get how much of a handful he was bc their infant was easy going and calm.

I just had ds 2 and he is so different from ds 1 so laid back. He is only 3 weeks old but already so much easier to handle than his 2.5 yo brother.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. My now 4 yr old sounds just like your son. At 3 I realized something was not right. We are just now beginning to come out of the terrible twos. It's exhausting and exasperating. I walk away from my son a lot in frustration and sit in my closet for 5 min. The tantrums got so bad that they just seemed normal in our house for there always to be screaming and crying. I'm still not sure what is wrong but we are now seeing a behavior therapist to help with increasing his frustration tolerance and self regulation. I'm sorry OP, it's a hard thing to go through.

[Anonymous]

Post in older kids forum for parents with older kids..

[Anonymous]

YES!!! Had a horribly grumpy baby - cried nonstop for months, never slept for any length of time, awfulk gag reflex which made eating a challenge, late to talk which brought on tantrums when she couldn't be understood . . . It was awful. Something just clicked around age 2.5 and her personality just reversed. Became mellow and peaceful. Age 14 now and still like that. She's very even-tempered and easy going - which is a miracle for a teenager!

[Anonymous]

OP I could have written your exact post. I completely understand. I feel like I walk on eggshells every day.

I apologize for his behavior to family and strangers. I, too, have excuses lined up: His nap was cut short, "He isn't usually like this," he didn't get enough sleep last night, he gets overwhelmed easily, etc. Everyone comments on how serious/solemn he is....I never really know what to say. Mine, too, can be such a joy and so charming...but very few people ever really see this.

Out of curiosity, are you a SAHM? A few people have suggested I put my DS in a part-time mother's day out or early pre-school program...not to just give myself a break, but to see if it somehow helps with his behavior (the change of environment, caretakers, etc.) Have you thought about something like that?

[Anonymous]

OP, my DS was like yours. Like you, I had to manage his days to avoid tantrums. Lots of focusing on 'transitions' and trying to plan the day to avoid meltdowns.

He was a 'demanding' baby, horrible sleeper, and turned into a 'challenging' toddler. Not the kind of baby you could 'take anywhere'. Took a ridiculous amount of time to potty train.

We were vigilant about getting him some activity every day, and vigilant about bedtime and nap time and meals. He was a hitter, and so that added even more frustration to our days. We implemented 1,2,3 Magic, along with lots of positive reinforcement, and DH and I both felt like it was a constant struggle to get through some days.

It slooooowwwly got better around age 4, but then around age 5/6, he turned into an AMAZING kid. Now, at age 7, he is so much fun to be around. He is doing great in school. Rarely gets in trouble. Is an awesome big brother (we really worried about that also, for a while). He's still somewhat strong-willed, but he's smart, inquisitive, curious, really seems to think about things. He's still pretty active, but less 'destructive'.

Hang in there, OP. My only advice is to use every parenting trick in your arsenal. Read different parenting books and take what you think might work for your particular kid. We did all the tricks in the book - reward charts, set consequences, etc. And, be patient.

I think sometimes kids that have that 'strong' personality get really frustrated as babies/toddlers because they don't know how to express themselves? We also read lots of books about appropriate behaviors (e.g. Hands are Not For Hitting).

[Anonymous]

Yes, my child was very difficult to sooth, had incredibly long temper tantrums, and has been "difficult" most of his life. Also super clingy, never wanted to leave my side until he was age 5 or so...

He's still quite sensitive and particular about many things, but he is incredibly smart, very independent, mature, self-reliant, popular, likable, interesting kid.

[Anonymous]

oh -- should add -- he is 13 and in middle school now!