your parents and your inlaws-- are they friendly?

[Anonymous]

I recently got married in my late 30s and since before my wedding day my mother has been pushing hard to know my in-laws. She calls my mother in law more than I do, she sends them cards and gifts, she talks about them all the time... has this happened in your families? I don't even know if this is normal. I don't even talk to my mother in law this much. My mother in law is a very nice woman, but I don't think she's the one driving a lot of this. She's pretty quiet and will talk to you when she needs to, but my mother on the other hand, seems to be going out of her way to get to know her. FWIW, my mother has always been something of a control freak, so I wonder if that's what's driving this?

[Anonymous]

Yes they go to each others homes and talk on the phone. Not all the time but often.

I find it bizarre when IL's have never met after 20 years of marriage--weird.

[Anonymous]

My parents and ILs didn't meet until the day before the wedding. They live far more than 1000 mi away from one another (and neither set lives in the DC area).

They email from time to time and send each other Christmas cards, but that's about it.

[Anonymous]

Only if they are all together will they talk. My father and FIL didn't even meet until the wedding weekend.

[Anonymous]

I have very difficult ILs and my parents have been instrumental in preventing a blow up and relieving tension between me and my ILs. They call, send gifts, invite over, give rides, etc, etc, etc. They are doing it for me and for the peace in my family, and I don't have to talk to ILS that much since they prefer to my parents

[Anonymous]

Yes. My sister does as much, if not more, with my MIL than I do. Everyone lives in the same area except for me and DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My sister does as much, if not more, with my MIL than I do. Everyone lives in the same area except for me and DH.

This is me. I find it odd, though, that I have little interest in meeting my own daughter's possible MIL. But, I've seen her posts on FB and I think she'd be annoying.

[Anonymous]

Not friends. Civil and occasionally friendly at family events. No independent relationship.

[Anonymous]

My MIL and my mom are now pals. They visit each other (MIL lives in MA and mom lives in WI). For Christmas we went to MA, and my mom came too. It's pretty fun that they all get along so well, although they can both gang up on me

[Anonymous]

They get along fine when together for major holidays, but in the 10 years of DH and my relationship they've only been in the same room maybe 4 or 5 times.

My parents are in California, his are in Ohio, we're in DC. It's got to be a pretty major event (like our college graduation, or our wedding) for them to both be in town at the same time.

[Anonymous]

My mom and my MIL LOATHE each other. A deep scary hate. It all stemmed from a discussion about what happens after you die. They both took hard stances and offended the other. It left them both in tears. My BIL and I were in shock (husband was in the hospital) and spent the rest of the overlapped visit keeping them away from each other.

This was 7 years ago and their hate is still going strong.

[Anonymous]

My parents and Dh's parents are very friendly. They routinely get together without us.

[Anonymous]

My parents and ILs openly despise each other. It's horrible and stressful when planning when they can see DC. They refuse to see each other and my mom and MIL get extremely jealous if they believe that the other sees DC for .00001 seconds more than the other. It's HORRIBLE.

[Anonymous]

My mother and MIL call and email each other and exchange gifts. I don't think my inlaws send my parents birthday gifts, but my mom sends them things. My mom is always pressing for joint vacations and joint holidays even though home set is in OH and one set is in NJ and we're in DC. I just ignore most of it because I hope when we have kids we can have a big enough place to host a joint holiday in DC.

The truth of the matter is that my in laws would rather die than go to OH and still joke about it from when they came from the wedding. My mom wants to be invited to NJ for a holiday, but I don't have the heart to tell her it will never happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not friends. Civil and occasionally friendly at family events. No independent relationship.

This. In-laws are not the kind of people my folks would be friends with. Fortunately ILs moved out of state so there really aren't any times where there would be forced togetherness.