your parents and your inlaws-- are they friendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs openly despise each other. It's horrible and stressful when planning when they can see DC. They refuse to see each other and my mom and MIL get extremely jealous if they believe that the other sees DC for .00001 seconds more than the other. It's HORRIBLE.

why?

[Anonymous]

For those with friendly in laws - are your families similar in the type of place you grew up and your socioeconomic status?

If one set is working class or middle class and/or from a flyover state and another set is upper-middle, country club, set big city or fancy suburb on a coast what is their relationship like? Do they get along?

[Anonymous]

My parents and ILs lived about 500 miles apart when Dh and I married. Dh and I only dated about six months before we got engaged,then it was another 6 months till we married--so our parents didn't meet until our wedding rehearsal.

I think they sent each other Christmas cards, and would be polite enough at the few family events that both sides were at (my baby shower, our first child's baptism, etc.) MIL died several years ago and FIL has a new wife now. It's about the same--except Step MIL sends Christmas cards to my grandmother every year, and I don't think my husbands mom did.

[Anonymous]

Be glad yours are this way or will at least tolerate each other. It means that if you host for important occasions, one meal will be enough. Mixing our families doesn't work at all (two noses out of joint at the shared Mother's Day) so we gave up and now holidays are major cooking productions and I'm exhausted.

[Anonymous]

My mom can't stand my MIL but puts on a show. My MIL is oblivious. We dated for years and there was never a strong need for them to talk, literally the day after we married my MIL started this need to know about my family (in her mind everything changed after the vows, the very moment after the vows), as if the previous years didn't matter. It annoys the hell out of my DH and I. Especially since my MIL decides to call my mom to ask questions about DH and I, instead of asking us directly. Or if one of them hears something from the other, but not hear it from us first. I feel like if I tell one something, I have to run and tell the other because god forbid my mom hears something from my MIL first. I avoid any joint events at all costs.
They have never exchanged gifts, that seems a little strange to me.

[Anonymous]

OP ~ I would say your Mom's behavior sounds strange, but I'd have some faith that your MIL probably knows what's going on (the control issue) You will be better off if you don't think about it too much - again, since this is your Mother's issue. It's not a reflection on you.

My parents stayed a night of two with my in laws at their home. My parents were traveling across several states and it was generally on their way. My in laws have done the same. But this is a once/or twice occurrence in 20 yrs. They do not talk on the phone. I'd say holiday/birthday cards with a note is pretty standard - maybe a gift basket.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but they live across the country from each other, so they only time they've ever met is at our wedding and again after birth (just our Moms, though). They are FB friends and exchange xmas cards.

[Anonymous]

No, but they live incredibly far apart, like 20 hour plane ride far apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother and MIL call and email each other and exchange gifts. I don't think my inlaws send my parents birthday gifts, but my mom sends them things. My mom is always pressing for joint vacations and joint holidays even though home set is in OH and one set is in NJ and we're in DC. I just ignore most of it because I hope when we have kids we can have a big enough place to host a joint holiday in DC.

The truth of the matter is that my in laws would rather die than go to OH and still joke about it from when they came from the wedding. My mom wants to be invited to NJ for a holiday, but I don't have the heart to tell her it will never happen.

I just got sad for your mom...

[Anonymous]

They get along but live on opposite coasts so not much interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and Dh's parents are very friendly. They routinely get together without us.

Same here. Our parents even took a joint vacation together once! My ILs (who live here) have a standing invitation to visit my parents in Florida.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother and MIL call and email each other and exchange gifts. I don't think my inlaws send my parents birthday gifts, but my mom sends them things. My mom is always pressing for joint vacations and joint holidays even though home set is in OH and one set is in NJ and we're in DC. I just ignore most of it because I hope when we have kids we can have a big enough place to host a joint holiday in DC.

The truth of the matter is that my in laws would rather die than go to OH and still joke about it from when they came from the wedding. My mom wants to be invited to NJ for a holiday, but I don't have the heart to tell her it will never happen.

They sound mean and small-minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those with friendly in laws - are your families similar in the type of place you grew up and your socioeconomic status?

If one set is working class or middle class and/or from a flyover state and another set is upper-middle, country club, set big city or fancy suburb on a coast what is their relationship like? Do they get along?

This was the divide in our family. (My parents are deceased now.). My parents were upper middle class and educated, whereas DH's parents are very working-class (and suspicious of people with money). Add the religious difference (I am Christian, DH Jewish), and a close relationship was never gonna happen.

[Anonymous]

Both of our kids have insane MILs that have openly flirted with and propositioned my handsome successful but very straight-laced DH They creep us out and we have no contact any more I feel bad that my potential grandchildren will have this in the gene pool

[Anonymous]

My parents and my in-laws get along great. My FIL bugs my mom (for the same reasons that he bugs me and my husband) but she is pretty good at dealing with it, and they are all basically good people who were raised in pretty similar ways, so they have a lot of the fundamental stuff in common. My in-laws, including my husband's uncle, LOVE my mother and think she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It does make life easier when the in-laws get along.