Expats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didnt love the ending.

The only character I felt was happy at the end was Hilary. Got rid of her cheating husband? Check. Got rid of her abusive cheating dad and got her feelings off her chest? Check.

She started wearing colors and got a colorful new rug. I was wondering if her love of beige colors was in some way a rejection of her indian heritage/persona/identity. The first time we see her in colored clothing is at the indian prayer thing. Now that her dad is dead she feels free to re-embrace that part of her identity.

Mercy, ugh. Idk what I feel about her. She is a crappy person who constantly makes bad choices and blames it on the curse (I was so glad when her HK gf called this out). I dont see any growth.
David was a garbage person throughout and I hated him and hated seeing him on the screen. Dude must be a good actor to elicit this sort of rage lol.

Margaret abandoning her two living children was so wrong to me. I cannot - cannot- imagine the pain of losing a child. But you can't just give up on the ones that are still alive. Her husband wasnt even surprised or sad. Just "Ok fine, bye". He was tired of her sh!t. And where is she gonna live? Her crapshoot apartment?

I'm a bit conflicted at Esse going with the fam, because I really wanted her to be able to go be with her own family. But considering what Margaret did, it's good that Esse is there. And I wonder if that's why she wanted to convince her to go so bad? She doesn't feel as bad abandoning her children knowing that Esse is there to look after them?

Oh, please. Margaret wasn't abandoning anyone. In fact, she felt she would be abandoning Gus if she left HK, which I can *completely* understand. Obviously, her husband knows she'll meet up with them in the States. She just needed a little more time before she felt ready to "leave" Gus. I honestly don't know if I could ever have left.

I definitely think she is abandoning her two kids. Her husband was praying Gus died so they could all finally move on. He is trying to move on, the two elder children are trying to move on. Margaret is stuck. She can't. She is choosing a ghost over her two living breathing children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didnt love the ending.

The only character I felt was happy at the end was Hilary. Got rid of her cheating husband? Check. Got rid of her abusive cheating dad and got her feelings off her chest? Check.

She started wearing colors and got a colorful new rug. I was wondering if her love of beige colors was in some way a rejection of her indian heritage/persona/identity. The first time we see her in colored clothing is at the indian prayer thing. Now that her dad is dead she feels free to re-embrace that part of her identity.

Mercy, ugh. Idk what I feel about her. She is a crappy person who constantly makes bad choices and blames it on the curse (I was so glad when her HK gf called this out). I dont see any growth.
David was a garbage person throughout and I hated him and hated seeing him on the screen. Dude must be a good actor to elicit this sort of rage lol.

Margaret abandoning her two living children was so wrong to me. I cannot - cannot- imagine the pain of losing a child. But you can't just give up on the ones that are still alive. Her husband wasnt even surprised or sad. Just "Ok fine, bye". He was tired of her sh!t. And where is she gonna live? Her crapshoot apartment?

I'm a bit conflicted at Esse going with the fam, because I really wanted her to be able to go be with her own family. But considering what Margaret did, it's good that Esse is there. And I wonder if that's why she wanted to convince her to go so bad? She doesn't feel as bad abandoning her children knowing that Esse is there to look after them?

Oh, please. Margaret wasn't abandoning anyone. In fact, she felt she would be abandoning Gus if she left HK, which I can *completely* understand. Obviously, her husband knows she'll meet up with them in the States. She just needed a little more time before she felt ready to "leave" Gus. I honestly don't know if I could ever have left.

+1 It is heartrending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didnt love the ending.

The only character I felt was happy at the end was Hilary. Got rid of her cheating husband? Check. Got rid of her abusive cheating dad and got her feelings off her chest? Check.

She started wearing colors and got a colorful new rug. I was wondering if her love of beige colors was in some way a rejection of her indian heritage/persona/identity. The first time we see her in colored clothing is at the indian prayer thing. Now that her dad is dead she feels free to re-embrace that part of her identity.

Mercy, ugh. Idk what I feel about her. She is a crappy person who constantly makes bad choices and blames it on the curse (I was so glad when her HK gf called this out). I dont see any growth.
David was a garbage person throughout and I hated him and hated seeing him on the screen. Dude must be a good actor to elicit this sort of rage lol.

Margaret abandoning her two living children was so wrong to me. I cannot - cannot- imagine the pain of losing a child. But you can't just give up on the ones that are still alive. Her husband wasnt even surprised or sad. Just "Ok fine, bye". He was tired of her sh!t. And where is she gonna live? Her crapshoot apartment?

I'm a bit conflicted at Esse going with the fam, because I really wanted her to be able to go be with her own family. But considering what Margaret did, it's good that Esse is there. And I wonder if that's why she wanted to convince her to go so bad? She doesn't feel as bad abandoning her children knowing that Esse is there to look after them?

This is pretty reflective of my reaction as well. What's funny is that Hilary was my least favorite character of the main women (yes, even more than Mercy) throughout most of the show, but I did like how they wrapped up her storyline and I liked the visual of her finally embracing color in her wardrobe and life. I also really hated her tight beige clothes during the rest of the show, so partly I was just relieved to see that actress in clothing that actually complemented her skin for once.

[Anonymous]

I think one factor for Margaret that I think is not really explored well in the show but is a subtext, is that losing Gus results in a total identity crisis for her that was already sort of happening but crashes down on her with his abduction.

She talks about being sort of a reluctant SAHM because she can't really do her job in Hong Kong. So she kind of leans into this kind of crunchy, maternal role. But then she feels threatened by Essie when Gus and the other kids love her so much. So it's like her professional identity is taken from her by the move to HK, and then she feels like her maternal identity is taken away by Essie.

And then Gus goes missing on her watch (yes, I guess on Mercy's watch, but Mercy barely knew any of them at that point). So now she kind of takes on this mantle of "bad mom" and can't escape it because if she keeps looking for Gus and stays in HK, she's neglecting her other kids. But if she leaves HK to care for her other kids, she's abandoning Gus.

I don't know. I really felt for her in the final episode. I don't necessarily approve of all her choices but I feel like that's beside the point. I truly have no idea what I'd do in her shoes. It's an impossible situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think one factor for Margaret that I think is not really explored well in the show but is a subtext, is that losing Gus results in a total identity crisis for her that was already sort of happening but crashes down on her with his abduction.

She talks about being sort of a reluctant SAHM because she can't really do her job in Hong Kong. So she kind of leans into this kind of crunchy, maternal role. But then she feels threatened by Essie when Gus and the other kids love her so much. So it's like her professional identity is taken from her by the move to HK, and then she feels like her maternal identity is taken away by Essie.

And then Gus goes missing on her watch (yes, I guess on Mercy's watch, but Mercy barely knew any of them at that point). So now she kind of takes on this mantle of "bad mom" and can't escape it because if she keeps looking for Gus and stays in HK, she's neglecting her other kids. But if she leaves HK to care for her other kids, she's abandoning Gus.

I don't know. I really felt for her in the final episode. I don't necessarily approve of all her choices but I feel like that's beside the point. I truly have no idea what I'd do in her shoes. It's an impossible situation.

I'm the pp who said she was abandoning her living children, but I also dont disagree with this. I said in my post on the previous page that I cannot imagine this type of pain. Its so beyond anything Ive ever experienced, it would be such a difficult decision. But I think you can be making a decision for one children that still abandons the others. I think thats also why she wanted Esse there, and to give the other kids the best shot at a successful life - back home, not surrounded by loss. She didnt make that same choice for herself. Yet, at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one factor for Margaret that I think is not really explored well in the show but is a subtext, is that losing Gus results in a total identity crisis for her that was already sort of happening but crashes down on her with his abduction.

She talks about being sort of a reluctant SAHM because she can't really do her job in Hong Kong. So she kind of leans into this kind of crunchy, maternal role. But then she feels threatened by Essie when Gus and the other kids love her so much. So it's like her professional identity is taken from her by the move to HK, and then she feels like her maternal identity is taken away by Essie.

And then Gus goes missing on her watch (yes, I guess on Mercy's watch, but Mercy barely knew any of them at that point). So now she kind of takes on this mantle of "bad mom" and can't escape it because if she keeps looking for Gus and stays in HK, she's neglecting her other kids. But if she leaves HK to care for her other kids, she's abandoning Gus.

I don't know. I really felt for her in the final episode. I don't necessarily approve of all her choices but I feel like that's beside the point. I truly have no idea what I'd do in her shoes. It's an impossible situation.

I'm the pp who said she was abandoning her living children, but I also dont disagree with this. I said in my post on the previous page that I cannot imagine this type of pain. It's so beyond anything Ive ever experienced, it would be such a difficult decision. But I think you can be making a decision for one children that still abandons the others. I think thats also why she wanted Esse there, and to give the other kids the best shot at a successful life - back home, not surrounded by loss. She didnt make that same choice for herself. Yet, at least.

PP here and I get it. You know what it made me think of was my own mom. Totally different situation but same feeling. My mom was not a good mom. She harmed us in more ways than she helped us. I had a tough childhood an still struggle sometimes because of just never having been mothered properly. I actually wish I'd had an Essie in my life who could have done that (and actually it's funny this is just occurring to in this moment by my parents were expats for a number of years when I was really young and I did have Essie-type figures in my life, but not once we moved back to the US).

But as I've gotten older, even though I still look at what my mom did and have resentment and anger about it, I also understand more about her own life. Her own mother died very young from either alcoholism or suicide (or suicide by alcohol, it's never been clear to me). She was abused and neglected her entire childhood. Then she had children very young and became a trailing spouse to a not very attentive or loving husband. I think she had so many children (4) in part because she was lonely and wanted company. All of that sucked for us and she has accountability for it, but also I can't imagine being in her situation -- young and motherless with a bunch of small children on the other side of the world where she didn't speak the language and her husband was never around and she's "running" a household of servants she can barely communicate with and who know more about childcare and cooking and cleaning than she ever will. It must have been really hard.

I feel sad for her and I also sometimes dislike the choices she made. I feel similar about Margaret. But I don't really judge because I don't know what I'd do in that exact situation. Maybe the same thing. Not saying Margaret (or my mom) are not accountable for their own actions -- of course they are. But I'm inclined to be open minded because I don't think any of really knows how we'd handle these situations unless we were in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one factor for Margaret that I think is not really explored well in the show but is a subtext, is that losing Gus results in a total identity crisis for her that was already sort of happening but crashes down on her with his abduction.

She talks about being sort of a reluctant SAHM because she can't really do her job in Hong Kong. So she kind of leans into this kind of crunchy, maternal role. But then she feels threatened by Essie when Gus and the other kids love her so much. So it's like her professional identity is taken from her by the move to HK, and then she feels like her maternal identity is taken away by Essie.

And then Gus goes missing on her watch (yes, I guess on Mercy's watch, but Mercy barely knew any of them at that point). So now she kind of takes on this mantle of "bad mom" and can't escape it because if she keeps looking for Gus and stays in HK, she's neglecting her other kids. But if she leaves HK to care for her other kids, she's abandoning Gus.

I don't know. I really felt for her in the final episode. I don't necessarily approve of all her choices but I feel like that's beside the point. I truly have no idea what I'd do in her shoes. It's an impossible situation.

I'm the pp who said she was abandoning her living children, but I also dont disagree with this. I said in my post on the previous page that I cannot imagine this type of pain. It's so beyond anything Ive ever experienced, it would be such a difficult decision. But I think you can be making a decision for one children that still abandons the others. I think thats also why she wanted Esse there, and to give the other kids the best shot at a successful life - back home, not surrounded by loss. She didnt make that same choice for herself. Yet, at least.

PP here and I get it. You know what it made me think of was my own mom. Totally different situation but same feeling. My mom was not a good mom. She harmed us in more ways than she helped us. I had a tough childhood an still struggle sometimes because of just never having been mothered properly. I actually wish I'd had an Essie in my life who could have done that (and actually it's funny this is just occurring to in this moment by my parents were expats for a number of years when I was really young and I did have Essie-type figures in my life, but not once we moved back to the US).

But as I've gotten older, even though I still look at what my mom did and have resentment and anger about it, I also understand more about her own life. Her own mother died very young from either alcoholism or suicide (or suicide by alcohol, it's never been clear to me). She was abused and neglected her entire childhood. Then she had children very young and became a trailing spouse to a not very attentive or loving husband. I think she had so many children (4) in part because she was lonely and wanted company. All of that sucked for us and she has accountability for it, but also I can't imagine being in her situation -- young and motherless with a bunch of small children on the other side of the world where she didn't speak the language and her husband was never around and she's "running" a household of servants she can barely communicate with and who know more about childcare and cooking and cleaning than she ever will. It must have been really hard.

I feel sad for her and I also sometimes dislike the choices she made. I feel similar about Margaret. But I don't really judge because I don't know what I'd do in that exact situation. Maybe the same thing. Not saying Margaret (or my mom) are not accountable for their own actions -- of course they are. But I'm inclined to be open minded because I don't think any of really knows how we'd handle these situations unless we were in them.

What a beautiful post. I'm sorry for the pain in your childhood, that sounds difficult.

I like your summary that we can dislike choices, but still see why they were made. Especially with something as difficult as losing a child.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I am the only one, but I really loved the ending and found Margaret’s final choice to be really thought provoking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am the only one, but I really loved the ending and found Margaret’s final choice to be really thought provoking.

I think she was already removed from her family before Gus's death. Now they will have their true mom, Essie, and their dad who was the best person in the show. Her dd will never speak to her again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am the only one, but I really loved the ending and found Margaret’s final choice to be really thought provoking.

I'm a new poster. I found the ending so powerful, I couldn't hold back tears. I'm a mom of 3 kids ages 2-6. I found myself feeling, "I know. I know why you would do that." The way she was trying to physically carry on while her heart held her back --- it was so powerful to me. She is trying to be there for everyone else - but at the last moment she has the primal need to remain for defenseless youngest child, until she exhausts all hope.

The older children have an extremely capable and caring father, in addition to Esse, with them. Margaret needs to be there for her last child - at least for now.

I found Hilary's ending a bit snug and superficial, to be honest. Yes, very wrapped up, but not very complex. I kind of feel like the whole series could have done without her.

Mercy... Strangely I also relate to her. I went through some very dumb things in my 20s. Now as a mid-30s working mom, my colleagues would be shocked at the ridiculous things I have done. Mercy is young and could completely turn her life around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am the only one, but I really loved the ending and found Margaret’s final choice to be really thought provoking.

I'm a new poster. I found the ending so powerful, I couldn't hold back tears. I'm a mom of 3 kids ages 2-6. I found myself feeling, "I know. I know why you would do that." The way she was trying to physically carry on while her heart held her back --- it was so powerful to me. She is trying to be there for everyone else - but at the last moment she has the primal need to remain for defenseless youngest child, until she exhausts all hope.

The older children have an extremely capable and caring father, in addition to Esse, with them. Margaret needs to be there for her last child - at least for now.

I found Hilary's ending a bit snug and superficial, to be honest. Yes, very wrapped up, but not very complex. I kind of feel like the whole series could have done without her.

Mercy... Strangely I also relate to her. I went through some very dumb things in my 20s. Now as a mid-30s working mom, my colleagues would be shocked at the ridiculous things I have done. Mercy is young and could completely turn her life around.

I don't think Mercy will. In the book it's very clear she wishes she could be like her rich friends. That's why she goes to Hong Kong. Now she will be rich forever thanks to the baby and become one of the expats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didnt love the ending.

The only character I felt was happy at the end was Hilary. Got rid of her cheating husband? Check. Got rid of her abusive cheating dad and got her feelings off her chest? Check.

She started wearing colors and got a colorful new rug. I was wondering if her love of beige colors was in some way a rejection of her indian heritage/persona/identity. The first time we see her in colored clothing is at the indian prayer thing. Now that her dad is dead she feels free to re-embrace that part of her identity.

Mercy, ugh. Idk what I feel about her. She is a crappy person who constantly makes bad choices and blames it on the curse (I was so glad when her HK gf called this out). I dont see any growth.
David was a garbage person throughout and I hated him and hated seeing him on the screen. Dude must be a good actor to elicit this sort of rage lol.

Margaret abandoning her two living children was so wrong to me. I cannot - cannot- imagine the pain of losing a child. But you can't just give up on the ones that are still alive. Her husband wasnt even surprised or sad. Just "Ok fine, bye". He was tired of her sh!t. And where is she gonna live? Her crapshoot apartment?

I'm a bit conflicted at Esse going with the fam, because I really wanted her to be able to go be with her own family. But considering what Margaret did, it's good that Esse is there. And I wonder if that's why she wanted to convince her to go so bad? She doesn't feel as bad abandoning her children knowing that Esse is there to look after them?

Oh, please. Margaret wasn't abandoning anyone. In fact, she felt she would be abandoning Gus if she left HK, which I can *completely* understand. Obviously, her husband knows she'll meet up with them in the States. She just needed a little more time before she felt ready to "leave" Gus. I honestly don't know if I could ever have left.

I definitely think she is abandoning her two kids. Her husband was praying Gus died so they could all finally move on. He is trying to move on, the two elder children are trying to move on. Margaret is stuck. She can't. She is choosing a ghost over her two living breathing children.

She isn't planning on staying in HK. She just wasn't quite ready to head back to the States. Are you one of the posters who insisted Margaret and Hilary were "cruel" and horrible people? Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am the only one, but I really loved the ending and found Margaret’s final choice to be really thought provoking.

+1
I wasn't expecting her to stay, but as I was watching it, I was thinking to myself that I don't know if I would be able to leave. I actually have nightmares that are similar to this situation. Unimaginable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am the only one, but I really loved the ending and found Margaret’s final choice to be really thought provoking.

I think she was already removed from her family before Gus's death. Now they will have their true mom, Essie, and their dad who was the best person in the show. Her dd will never speak to her again.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am the only one, but I really loved the ending and found Margaret’s final choice to be really thought provoking.

I'm a new poster. I found the ending so powerful, I couldn't hold back tears. I'm a mom of 3 kids ages 2-6. I found myself feeling, "I know. I know why you would do that." The way she was trying to physically carry on while her heart held her back --- it was so powerful to me. She is trying to be there for everyone else - but at the last moment she has the primal need to remain for defenseless youngest child, until she exhausts all hope.

The older children have an extremely capable and caring father, in addition to Esse, with them. Margaret needs to be there for her last child - at least for now.

I found Hilary's ending a bit snug and superficial, to be honest. Yes, very wrapped up, but not very complex. I kind of feel like the whole series could have done without her.

Mercy... Strangely I also relate to her. I went through some very dumb things in my 20s. Now as a mid-30s working mom, my colleagues would be shocked at the ridiculous things I have done. Mercy is young and could completely turn her life around.

+100
YES to all of the above.