When you said you'd always love them, did you mean it?

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm still in love with my husband after 25 years with him, and we began dating when I was 19.

[Anonymous]

I think most people probably meant it at the time. Whether it holds true over the years is another matter.

I think it also depends on what sort of "love" you mean. It's hard to truly love a person that you don't have contact with for a long period of time, because frankly, you don't really know them. You may love the person they were, but who knows if you love them as they are now. But perhaps love, as in a deep fondness for someone who you shared a meaningful connection with in the past, seems like it could endure.

[Anonymous]

I don't say it because I think it's impossible. My mother gave me some wonderful advice many, many years ago. She said that you need to make sure that you are friends with the person who will be your partner. Love will come and go over the course of your relationship. The friendship, shared experiences, and shared interest will sustain you and your marriage through the times when your love fades, and when it returns you will feel more bonded to your partner by the knowledge that you and your relationship can survive those times. I have a partner who I not only love dearly, but am friends with and share interests with. I have had times when I wasn't quite as much in love and my mother was right (again), that I had no interest in leaving my marriage and was still content in my marriage. And when the love returned, I felt the stronger for it and knew that this was not the only thing that sustained us.

I still have strong feelings for two previous partners and I know that those feelings for what they are, a genuine love for those people. But I also know that they are not the right partner for me long term and I value them and my partner too much to do anything foolish about it. I cherish the love and the respect that I have for them. And I am very, very happy for them that they have found long-term wonderful partners who will be better for them than I could be. I love them enough that I do want what is best for them.

[Anonymous]

Excellent posts in response to OP. Very wise--all of them.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I've ever promised someone that. I'm not in love with any of my exes, though I do love some of them as people, which I realize is not what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife and I were married for nine years before she cheated. If she'd been serious about working it out, we would still be married. Unfortunately, she wasn't. To this day she still can't understand how I could say I loved her, but leave. I learned back then that you can love someone, but not trust them with your heart. You can also love someone and not trust yourself with them. Just because you remove yourself from the equation doesn't mean that the love dies out.

[Anonymous]

Unless it was in my wedding vows, I've never made that promise because you can't project how you'll feel a month from now, let alone on the other end of your life.

I've promised to be faithful to my wife forever. That's something well within my control.

I don't have any feelings for any of my exes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife and I were married for nine years before she cheated. If she'd been serious about working it out, we would still be married. Unfortunately, she wasn't. To this day she still can't understand how I could say I loved her, but leave. I learned back then that you can love someone, but not trust them with your heart. You can also love someone and not trust yourself with them. Just because you remove yourself from the equation doesn't mean that the love dies out.

I agree. I have two exes that I love from afar. I don't have any desire to be with them, but they were both special to me at different points of my life and I will always have love for them as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't say it because I think it's impossible. My mother gave me some wonderful advice many, many years ago. She said that you need to make sure that you are friends with the person who will be your partner. Love will come and go over the course of your relationship. The friendship, shared experiences, and shared interest will sustain you and your marriage through the times when your love fades, and when it returns you will feel more bonded to your partner by the knowledge that you and your relationship can survive those times. I have a partner who I not only love dearly, but am friends with and share interests with. I have had times when I wasn't quite as much in love and my mother was right (again), that I had no interest in leaving my marriage and was still content in my marriage. And when the love returned, I felt the stronger for it and knew that this was not the only thing that sustained us.

I still have strong feelings for two previous partners and I know that those feelings for what they are, a genuine love for those people. But I also know that they are not the right partner for me long term and I value them and my partner too much to do anything foolish about it. I cherish the love and the respect that I have for them. And I am very, very happy for them that they have found long-term wonderful partners who will be better for them than I could be. I love them enough that I do want what is best for them.

Your mom gave great marriage advice. I am going to tell my kids that when they are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife and I were married for nine years before she cheated. If she'd been serious about working it out, we would still be married. Unfortunately, she wasn't. To this day she still can't understand how I could say I loved her, but leave. I learned back then that you can love someone, but not trust them with your heart. You can also love someone and not trust yourself with them. Just because you remove yourself from the equation doesn't mean that the love dies out.

How true!
I love my ex-boyfriend, but make a better team with my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife and I were married for nine years before she cheated. If she'd been serious about working it out, we would still be married. Unfortunately, she wasn't. To this day she still can't understand how I could say I loved her, but leave. I learned back then that you can love someone, but not trust them with your heart. You can also love someone and not trust yourself with them. Just because you remove yourself from the equation doesn't mean that the love dies out.

Very well put! I always wondered if people get over their loves. I'm not talking about puppy love or lust but that true deep love. I had that type of love and ended it because I knew it wasn't the best future for me. But I wonder if I will be able to love as completely and whole heartfelt again. Especially for my future husband. The man I do love was for me one of those once in a life time loves. He was my best friend and soul mate. Unfortunately our cultures kept is apart. I haven't talked to him in awhile but I know he was as equally pained by our breakup. Now I just wonder if in the future I can live as deeply again.

[Anonymous]

I think I might love you.