"Because I'm Your Mother and I Said So!"

[Anonymous]

DS, age 6, is going through a particularly annoying phase (and yes, so far, it's just a phase) of talking back, questioning just about everything I ask/ tell him to do, with lines like "Why should I?" This is not an issue at school or with DH -- just me.

When I get to the end of my rope, my response is Because. I. Said. So. That is why.

I don't want to get in the habit of rewarding this bratty behavior with an explanation of "why" he needs to go to bed, put his shoes on, or take his dishes to the kitchen. DH suggests a softer "because we're a family and we keep our house clean," type of approach. I did that initially but still get questioned and challenged too often.

What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Challenging adults is just a developmental thing and DC will outgrow it. Until then, you're just going to have put up with it. There's no magic way to get kids to stop doing this.

Here's what I do with my two boys:

Tell DC that sometimes you just have to do what the boss says and you are the boss. Let DC ask questions or challenge, but put a limit on it. Ie. "You can ask me "Why?" once, but once I explain "Why?," and we talk about it, then you need to stop arguing. Don't argue with the boss. When you have moved out, you can do it your way! Yay, for being a grown-up!"

[Anonymous]

The more you engage in chatter,
the less your child needs to do anything.

You kid has your number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Challenging adults is just a developmental thing and DC will outgrow it. Until then, you're just going to have put up with it. There's no magic way to get kids to stop doing this.

Here's what I do with my two boys:

Tell DC that sometimes you just have to do what the boss says and you are the boss. Let DC ask questions or challenge, but put a limit on it. Ie. "You can ask me "Why?" once, but once I explain "Why?," and we talk about it, then you need to stop arguing. Don't argue with the boss. When you have moved out, you can do it your way! Yay, for being a grown-up!"

I'd add that I don't think asking "why" is bratty and I don't think getting an explanation is rewarding bratty behavior. I want my kids to question and understand, not blindly follow leaders. That said, sometimes they just have to do what the boss says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Challenging adults is just a developmental thing and DC will outgrow it. Until then, you're just going to have put up with it. There's no magic way to get kids to stop doing this.

Here's what I do with my two boys:

Tell DC that sometimes you just have to do what the boss says and you are the boss. Let DC ask questions or challenge, but put a limit on it. Ie. "You can ask me "Why?" once, but once I explain "Why?," and we talk about it, then you need to stop arguing. Don't argue with the boss. When you have moved out, you can do it your way! Yay, for being a grown-up!"

I'd add that I don't think asking "why" is bratty and I don't think getting an explanation is rewarding bratty behavior. I want my kids to question and understand, not blindly follow leaders. That said, sometimes they just have to do what the boss says.

How old is your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Challenging adults is just a developmental thing and DC will outgrow it. Until then, you're just going to have put up with it. There's no magic way to get kids to stop doing this.

Here's what I do with my two boys:

Tell DC that sometimes you just have to do what the boss says and you are the boss. Let DC ask questions or challenge, but put a limit on it. Ie. "You can ask me "Why?" once, but once I explain "Why?," and we talk about it, then you need to stop arguing. Don't argue with the boss. When you have moved out, you can do it your way! Yay, for being a grown-up!"

I'd add that I don't think asking "why" is bratty and I don't think getting an explanation is rewarding bratty behavior. I want my kids to question and understand, not blindly follow leaders. That said, sometimes they just have to do what the boss says.

How old is your kid?

My kids are 9 and 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Challenging adults is just a developmental thing and DC will outgrow it. Until then, you're just going to have put up with it. There's no magic way to get kids to stop doing this.

Here's what I do with my two boys:

Tell DC that sometimes you just have to do what the boss says and you are the boss. Let DC ask questions or challenge, but put a limit on it. Ie. "You can ask me "Why?" once, but once I explain "Why?," and we talk about it, then you need to stop arguing. Don't argue with the boss. When you have moved out, you can do it your way! Yay, for being a grown-up!"

I'd add that I don't think asking "why" is bratty and I don't think getting an explanation is rewarding bratty behavior. I want my kids to question and understand, not blindly follow leaders. That said, sometimes they just have to do what the boss says.

NP. Sorry, but I don't think that respecting adults, especially parents, is "blindly following leaders."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What do you think?

That's what I ask my kid when she goes through phases of being particularly question-y about everything. Why do you think that? What do you think we should be? Why do you think I asked you to do that?

Me: Pick up your coat please.
DD: Why?
Me: Why do you think I want you to pick up your coat?
DD: I don't know.
Me: You're a creative thinker. What's one reason you can imagine?
DD: Because it might get eaten.
Me: That's right! Godzilla might come rampaging into the house, see a delicious purple coat, and eat it right up!
DD: That's ridiculous.
Me: It is. But it's related to one reason I'd like you to pick up your coat.
DD: Because it'll get wrecked.
Me: Exactly. Though I like the idea of Godzilla eating it better. Thanks for picking up your coat.

The individual dialogue takes longer, but I think it short-circuits the phase because she knows I'm going to push her question back on her. The middle Godzilla part might be longer when she's feeling particularly contrary or non-existent as she gets to the end of the phase.

This approach might be far too annoying for some parent-kid combinations, but my kid is an "explain this to me, again. Again. Again. Again." kid, and this method short circuits that. It's the same approach, but more words, that you use with a 2 year old asking why. Why do you think caterpillars can't drive?

[Anonymous]

I don't know, if the questioning is part of a generalized defiance, if I'd be very patient. I think a parent can usually identify the difference between a genuine need to know, and stalling.
And sometimes indulging the endless questioning can be dangerous or counterproductive.
As I explained to my DC's during the beltway sniper mess, if I tell you to do something, do it now, ask questions later...eg "Get in the car NOW" "Call 911"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Challenging adults is just a developmental thing and DC will outgrow it. Until then, you're just going to have put up with it. There's no magic way to get kids to stop doing this.

Here's what I do with my two boys:

Tell DC that sometimes you just have to do what the boss says and you are the boss. Let DC ask questions or challenge, but put a limit on it. Ie. "You can ask me "Why?" once, but once I explain "Why?," and we talk about it, then you need to stop arguing. Don't argue with the boss. When you have moved out, you can do it your way! Yay, for being a grown-up!"

I'd add that I don't think asking "why" is bratty and I don't think getting an explanation is rewarding bratty behavior. I want my kids to question and understand, not blindly follow leaders. That said, sometimes they just have to do what the boss says.

Agreed. It's not a reward. It's teaching a kid why it's important to act a certain way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Challenging adults is just a developmental thing and DC will outgrow it. Until then, you're just going to have put up with it. There's no magic way to get kids to stop doing this.

Here's what I do with my two boys:

Tell DC that sometimes you just have to do what the boss says and you are the boss. Let DC ask questions or challenge, but put a limit on it. Ie. "You can ask me "Why?" once, but once I explain "Why?," and we talk about it, then you need to stop arguing. Don't argue with the boss. When you have moved out, you can do it your way! Yay, for being a grown-up!"

I'd add that I don't think asking "why" is bratty and I don't think getting an explanation is rewarding bratty behavior. I want my kids to question and understand, not blindly follow leaders. That said, sometimes they just have to do what the boss says.

NP. Sorry, but I don't think that respecting adults, especially parents, is "blindly following leaders."

Respect is earned, not just given. Teaching, rather than demanding, is a much better way to get that respect.

[Anonymous]

It's 50/50 for me.

Mostly I like my kids to question authority even their parents. So if it is respectful I am fine with it. It take a while to learn how to do it respectfully. I will say well maybe if you said it this way "fill in a nicer way to question me" then I would be more willing to negotiate.

But after a long hard day my kids need to be able to respect, "I am tired and can't really negotiate right now, can you just do this for me" and they should also repect that.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what the question is. If it seems like something that my child is generally trying to understand the reason for better, I will answer. If it is something blatantly obvious ("Put on your coat" when it is freezing and we are about the walk outside."), I'd be more inclined to say, "You know the reason, now do it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Challenging adults is just a developmental thing and DC will outgrow it. Until then, you're just going to have put up with it. There's no magic way to get kids to stop doing this.

Here's what I do with my two boys:

Tell DC that sometimes you just have to do what the boss says and you are the boss. Let DC ask questions or challenge, but put a limit on it. Ie. "You can ask me "Why?" once, but once I explain "Why?," and we talk about it, then you need to stop arguing. Don't argue with the boss. When you have moved out, you can do it your way! Yay, for being a grown-up!"

I'd add that I don't think asking "why" is bratty and I don't think getting an explanation is rewarding bratty behavior. I want my kids to question and understand, not blindly follow leaders. That said, sometimes they just have to do what the boss says.

NP. Sorry, but I don't think that respecting adults, especially parents, is "blindly following leaders."

See...but there is the rub. It is a delicate balance. My kids are older than 6, but I have always taken the position that I do not want the "respect adults" mantra to always trump my kid's intuition about a situation. I do not want my kids to "respect adults" if it is a situation that they are legitimately uncomfortable with. I want them to question and second guess. Now, as their parent, I KNOW when they are stalling and BSing and I can deal with that accordingly. But I generally am ok with them wanting to understand why I have taken a certain poisition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Challenging adults is just a developmental thing and DC will outgrow it. Until then, you're just going to have put up with it. There's no magic way to get kids to stop doing this.

Here's what I do with my two boys:

Tell DC that sometimes you just have to do what the boss says and you are the boss. Let DC ask questions or challenge, but put a limit on it. Ie. "You can ask me "Why?" once, but once I explain "Why?," and we talk about it, then you need to stop arguing. Don't argue with the boss. When you have moved out, you can do it your way! Yay, for being a grown-up!"

I'd add that I don't think asking "why" is bratty and I don't think getting an explanation is rewarding bratty behavior. I want my kids to question and understand, not blindly follow leaders. That said, sometimes they just have to do what the boss says.

NP. Sorry, but I don't think that respecting adults, especially parents, is "blindly following leaders."

Respect is earned, not just given. Teaching, rather than demanding, is a much better way to get that respect.

Disagree with you there. This DS is 6. Adults are adults. Therefore, they are to be respected, simply because they are older than said child.