Timing: Dog plus baby?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are expecting our first kid in a few months, and are also interested in getting a dog. I'd like to get a dog from a shelter or rescue group, probably on the young side but not necessarily a puppy. My question is, should we get the dog ASAP, so we all have time to adjust to each other before the baby shows up, or should we wait until after the baby is born and then add a dog? I know that the temperament of the individual dog matters when it comes to kids, and a friend suggested we talk with the shelter staff and take advantage of opportunities to take a few different dogs on walks to find an animal that will be calm and gentle with a baby.

Any other suggestions on finding the right pet, and on the 'which comes first' question? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

That is hard to answer, but I will say this. We have a dog already and just read the book "Kids and Dogs" (I can't remember the full title) and she does talk about how the dog she got before the kids was sad when she had kids, and the dog she got when she already had kids never knew the difference and saw the situation as normal.

I would also think that if you let shelter staff know what you're looking for they could help a lot. There's a lot of dogs being abandoned right now b/c of the housing crisis, and they may have history on some who have come from a home with a baby and are already adjusted.

I, for one, am nervous but hopeful that our dog adjusts ok to a newborn.

[Anonymous]

Baby first, then dog. Any dog, especially a rescue, can take a while to settle into your family and start showing its true personality. We thought we'd gotten the calmest, sweetest, quietest rescue dog nearly two years ago; after about 3 months and after recovering from a serious case of kennel cough, she was completely bouncing off the walls, possessive over treats (i.e., snapped if you came too close while she had a bone), terrified of kids and strangers who came to the house. She has improved a great deal since we've had her, but it has taken A LOT of work and has been extremely trying. I cannot imagine doing it with a new baby also in the house. However, I suspect that it's been pretty good training for having a baby, from the having to agree on how to approach the training to needing to wake up at 1, 3, 4, and 5 am because the dog ate something nasty and has to go out...

Plus, baby first means that the baby is an established member of the family when you get the dog. That may help a little with how the dog views/treats the baby - at least the dog won't feel like he's been bumped out of his position in the family.

Definitely, definitely, definitely talk with the shelter staff! If you are in DC, Washington Animal Rescue League and City Dogs Rescue both seem to do a very good job of screening applicants and making sure that you get the right dog for your family. Breed-specific rescues can be great, too, if you want a Lab, for example, but don't necessarily want a puppy and are committed to a rescue. A friend recently adopted a 2-year-old Lab who's great and a breed rescue seems more likely to pay for any known medical treatment the dog may need. In contrast, the shelter we adopted our dog from basically washed their hands of the dog once the papers were signed, meaning that we spent into the thousands on heartworm treatment and god only knows what else in the first 6 months.

Also, maybe start researching specific breeds that might be a good fit for you - size, energy level, etc. No dog is 100 percent true to the breed stereotype, but a Border Collie, for example, wouldn't be a good match if you want a mellow, low-energy dog who doesn't need constant stimulation!

[Anonymous]

Forgive me if this assumption is wrong but it sounds as if this would also be your first dog (that you are responsible for as adults on your own, not including a dog you may have had as a kid). PLEASE WAIT. As a volunteer with a dog rescue league I cannot tell you how many people just don't really realize what kind of commitment a dog will be, and those are people who aren't about to have their first baby. You also don't know what kind of delivery/baby you'll have - and having a new dog with a new baby who could be colicky, etc. is just asking for angst. Wait until you settle in with your newborn to start thinking about adding a dog to the mix. You may realize just the newborn is enough craziness for you for some time.

And you cannot really tell how a dog is going to be with a baby by taking him/her for a walk outside of the shelter.

Did I already say please wait?! I don't mean to be negative, but through volunteering I see how awful it is for the dogs to be given away due to life changes (new baby, divorce, etc.) or just by people who hadn't really thought it through or understood how much care and attention a dog needs. And ironically, when dogs don't get that care and attention they typically become ill-behaved, resulting in people giving them up to shelters because they're suddenly hard to deal with.

Wait. Wait. WAAAIIIITTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

could not agree more with 17:35. Signed, mom with one young dog and one middle-aged dog

[Anonymous]

You may want to consider fostering a dog. It is a temporary dog fix, but it will give you good "training" on self-discipline, consistency, trial & error, and vigilence - just a few things you'll need with raising a child.

...just a thought.

Our dog was 13 years old when DD came along so we knew our dog's temperment (mellow) and were easily able to predict his behavior around babies/children. Plus, we "adjusted" him to the up coming change (leaving diapers out), keeping the upstairs/nursery off limits, setting the swing up a week before, etc.

Just from reading your post - focus on the baby first. If you still have time, energy, training (house training especially), and $$ THEN research into getting a dog.

[Anonymous]

I have two friends who got dogs while dealing with infertility issues. Both women went on to have children, and both regret getting a dog first.

They complain non-stop about it and I know for a fact that one of them is plotting to give her dog away to a neighbor - who is guess what: pregnant!

[Anonymous]

Our kids are 3 and 5, and we think we might be ready for a dog...in a few years!

[Anonymous]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. And, like a pp, did I mention wait?

Have you baby. Enjoy it.

When your child is about 3 or 4, research dog breeds and get a breed that is a good match for your family and lifestyle. There are rescue organizations for a large number of breeds that can help you meet this need.

[Anonymous]

I think it all depends on the personality and level of dedication you and your husband are willing to put towards this. (and frankly how far along you are--because if baby is coming in a month or two, you really should wait no matter what). But this forum is full of smart women so I'm going to assume you've already considered this and feel you're determined enough to make it work.

If that's the case, and you are really devoted to obedience training and creating mutual trust between you and the dog, you can probably handle a dog and a baby in whatever order your research and hearts tell you is right for you. But I hope you'll continue to seek advice and guidance from other dog owners, the shelter reps, and maybe even a dog trainer. I have heard of a program called dogs and storks that offers training guides, workshops, and books. http://www.dogsandstorks.com/ They offer tips on preparing your dog for a baby and to help ensure that the homecoming goes smoothly.

I should admit: I'm not a great person to give advice about doing the responsible thing -- my husband and I tried doing the responsible thing this summer when we started to think about adopting a dog. We applied to a few shelters but asked them all to hold our application until after our marriage and honeymoon in August. They all agreed to do so, except one shelter, who called us in late June to say they had three spaniel puppies recently rescued from a puppy mill who were sweet, friendly, and remarkably well-adjusted. We regretfully declined, and told them to call us after our wedding and honeymoon if another dog was available. 2 weeks later the dog's foster "mom" called back, asked us to reconsider, and said she'd even dogsit during our honeymoon if we'd reconsider. Apparently the dog's two brothers were adopted that morning but he wasn't picked because he was "out of standard" for the breed. She said he was lonely and sad, and basically that's all it took to get us to bring him home that night. Everyone told us we were crazy, and we knew they were right. Still, we had a dear friend live in our house and dogsit while we were on our honeymoon, we got training lessons (IMPORTANT!), and we devoted a lot of time to him while we had it.

I can confirm what other posters have said; sometimes he makes us want to tear our hair out! So just be prepared for that. Make sure you have the patience to do it. If you do get a puppy, be sure he's going to be at least a year old by the time baby comes, because, honestly, you don't want to deal with a puppy going through phases where he is pushing his limits and trying to figure out his place in the pecking order while you're trying to care for a newborn.

As other posters have cautioned, many people adopt dogs without realizing what they're getting into and return those dogs again, which is damaging to the dog (and it will be heartbreaking for you, too). I would go forward only if you are truly aware that the dog will turn your life upside down for a little while no matter how diligently you train him. Expecting a child soon means you will need to be even more careful about your choice, and more devoted to taking extra steps to make sure dog is thoroughly obedient. You don't want him jumping on you uncontrollably as you're walking in with carseat, baby, and the day's mail...nor do you want him knocking you over when you're pregnant. You want to make sure he will listen to basic commands like "sit, stay, down, off, leave-it," etc. And keep in mind many people have a hard time enforcing even the most basic commands, even with no distractions...

Finally, I would suggest, obviously, that you are very honest with the shelter about the fact that you are pregnant. Most of them are experienced and won't let you take home a dog you can't handle, if you are really up front about what you know about dogs and how you plan to assimilate one into your growing families.

Best of luck to you. And if you do get a dog, remember this: a tired dog is a good dog! Taking your dog for a long run, or to the dogpark for 45 minutes each day buys you an evening of peace...

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

PP here, reread my previous post and hope it didn't suggest we gave up our dog, we did not! He is a part of our family and we have no regrets whatsoever. We can't wait for baby to meet him and know he will be wonderful with our child because we've taken steps to make sure he is prepared (and also, because we got very lucky with his personality, he's a gem). So no regrets from our end, or our dog's (at least, that's what we think he'd say if he could talk!). Again, good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would not get a dog from a shelter with young children -- who knows what really happened to the dog before it arrived at the shelter and what latent personality defects there may be?? I am all for rescue dogs but maybe that will be the next dog, once the kids are older and I don't have to worry about them provoking a potentially abused dog. We got our dog when I was 2 months pregnant - the dog was 2 mos old at the time -- and it has worked out great. The dog and I had enough time to bond before the baby came, and he is Great with the baby. He was a little sad but has adjusted well - he was a great sanity saver to me all those sleepless nights! DC is now 19 mos and they play together, it is cute

But to answer your question, it sounds like you are too close to giving birth to get the dog now. I would want at least 5 months lead time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would not get a dog from a shelter with young children -- who knows what really happened to the dog before it arrived at the shelter and what latent personality defects there may be??

A good shelter will have animal behaviorists on staff who will assess the dog's personality and be completely upfront with you about the challenges (I won't say defects) you may face with a particular dog. That was my experience when I adopted my dog from Washington Animal Rescue League (I highly recommend them). They want you to keep and enjoy the dog, not have to bring the dog back in a couple weeks or months because it wasn't a good fit.

On the other hand, a lot of breeders are out there just to make money and they will not tell you what sorts of bad traits or personality problems have been bred into their dogs.

If you do decide to adopt a dog now, please do not rule out shelter animals. They desperately need homes, especially right now when a lot of people are being forced to give up their pets due to foreclosures or other economic circumstances. You may be able to get a healthy, well-adjusted, house-broken dog whose previous owners just couldn't keep him/her. And honestly, you'll probably have an easier time with a dog who is out of the puppy stage when you are pregnant/bringing home a newborn.

Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

I have cats and wish we'd waited to get them until after the baby (and they don't need walks on rainy mornings when the baby is sick!). Wait, wait, wait. Then, you can see about your baby's personality and get a dog that matches well.

[Anonymous]

To the OP - we have a 1 yr old shelter puppy that we have had for 10 months, and I am 30 weeks pregnant with our third child. I absolutely would wait to get the dog until after the baby is born and you have had plenty of time to settle in to parenthood with a new baby. No one can tell you ahead of time how your baby will be at various stages, but most new parents find that there are periods where simply "treading water" is a challenge. In addition, if your dog has any problems at all, you will need to spend time and/or money fixing those. Trying to care for a puppy and a baby seems like an awful lot to take on (and I say this as an experienced parent and dog owner). Please consider my advice a heartfelt plea to do something nice for yourself by not overcommitting.