Why do people think it's OK to comment about the size of your belly when you're pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Today I was asked if I was having twins. That is the equivalent of telling someone they are fat. What gives? I don't know if this girl realized she, a stick figure barely 20 year old, was taking a big risk by telling a hormonally crazed pregnant woman she looked like she was having twins. I am only 28 weeks!!! Maddening.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I've been asked the same question by those who don't know better (like the culprit you described) and those who should know better (older women who have grown kids). It might be the worst question out there to ask a woman, short of asking when the baby is due (after the baby is 5 months old). Try your best to shrug it off. I am 28 weeks too and I feel huge, even though I have gained about 18 pounds. Some people don't know how to censor their thoughts. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

And it works the other way too... With my first, people always commented about how small I looked. When I said I was X weeks along, they were shocked, would say "you don't look very big." It always made me worry that something was wrong with my baby, that he wasn't growing enough. My dr. always assured me I was fine, it's just the way I carry, b/c I'm tall. And sure enough, my son was 8 lbs at birth... So now that I'm pg w/ #2, I get the same comments, but I don't let them bother me anymore.

So I say ANY comments about the size of a pregnant woman (big or small) are totally inappropriate, I wish people would just keep their thoughts to themselves!

[Anonymous]

Hi there, I'm pregnant and only just under 9 weeks along. Up until recently I never really considered that it might be bad form to tell someone how huge they are. Clearly I was a total idiot and I would like to go back in time and punch myself in my fat, stupid mouth for each comment like that I so helpfully made.

Now I'm at that "not showing yet but bloated enough to fit a litter of giants in there" stage. As such, it will be all I can do to refrain from homicide when the first unwitting soul tells me I look "huge," "giant," like I'm "having twins" or "about to pop." (Seriously, who says about to pop???? Even I didn't go there and I was an utter clueless moron about how pregnant women felt before I got pregnant myself).

I have always been a thin person (at first by metabolism and then later by some serious self-deprivation), but since this pregnancy I have been cramming oreos and potato chips in my mouth like it's the last day on earth and I'm so nauseated and exhausted that my idea of a strenuous workout these days is when we have to park a block from the house. So sure when someone tells me I look huge I will assume (probably correctly so) that they are referring to my giant caboose, which is already pushing the maximum capacity of my pants.

One thing I will TRY to remember when the inevitable comments fly is that I would NEVER have said "you're huge!" to a pregnant lady I thought actually looked fat as opposed to somebody who was just very pregnant or all belly. Then again, I'm not a complete rude a-hole, just a thoughttless one, and I also never said "when are you due?" unless I had already confirmed that they were pregnant. Also, it's always been my bean-pole friends (never strangers) on the receiving end of those comments.

Don't worry, I am slapping myself right now in penance.

[Anonymous]

Because they mean well but speak stupidly. Pity them and ignore.

[Anonymous]

I agree and I dislike it when it's the other way around. I am due Saturday and have a basketball belly. Before I got farther along and when ppl would ask me how far along I was and I told them, they would say "wow you're small" or "are you feeding that baby?"

That was sooo annoying and kinda made me feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they mean well but speak stupidly. Pity them and ignore.

I second this. People just don't know what to say, and if they haven't been pregnant before can say some really clueless stuff. But mostly I think it's just ignorance, not mean-spiritedness. Try not to let it get you down.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, at around 20 weeks and really starting to show I had a coworker telling me at great length about how she now looks back at the photos taken of her when she was pregnant and how she thinks all the outfits she then thought looked cute really made her look like a whale. And how white was the absolute worst color to wear, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, there I am in what I thought was a cute outfit including a pre-pregnancy white shirt from JCrew... Same coworker also said repeatedly how at nearly 20 weeks she still wasn't telling people at work (awaiting amnio results) and how most didn't seem to have figured it out - as if to say I was huge by comparison because it was so obvious that I was pregnant.

As many times as I've tried to tell myself that it's her who has the issues here, I have to admit she definitely got into my head and has been the indirect cause of several bouts of tears about how I look. (And I had gained all of 11 lbs as of 20 weeks, maybe a couple more now at 23 weeks, and was thin to start, so I'm not exactly enormous now.)

People are just stupid, or say dumb/thoughtless things, and they really should just be ignored, but I find it so much harder when this is nothing like the body I had 6 months ago and had had for the last 15 years or so...

[Anonymous]

this has been my NUMBER ONE pet peeve during my pregnancy. it is incredible how stupid some people can be. i even had a woman who just gave birth two years ago ask me how many days i had left ... when i was 7 months along when I told her how many MONTHS, she widened her eyes in amazement and asked me if my doctor had seen me, because SURELY i must be measuring big (i'm not).

this is a copy of an email that i drafted right after that, which I SO WISH i could actually send to my idiot coworkers:

Dear Colleagues:

I know that we all love to comment on my ever-expanding waistline, but in the interest of time and efficiency, not to mention my own personal sanity, I have decided to designate Wednesdays from 3:45 to 3:50 an appropriate time to discuss this with me. Not only will this save you from having to stop in the hallway to goggle at me on your way to your destination, but it will allow me to get emotionally prepared for the onslaught of "well-meaning" but stupid and hurtful comments that will be coming my way. Thanks very much for your cooperation and understanding. Rest assured that when all of you are 30 weeks pregnant, I will be first in line to discuss your girth.

Furthermore, in the interest of full disclosure, no, I am not having twins.

Regards,


Oh, and the creme de la creme was the other day in Borders when I approached the checkout line at 34.5 weeks:

Idiot Checkout Girl: You are PREGNANT!!

ME: Oh so you noticed <in my head: Bitch>

ICG: Dang, that must be one HUGE baby!!

Me: No, he's fine, I guess it's just me.

ICG: Hmm. <pause> Maybe you ought to lay off the McDonald's or something.

Me: <attempting to pick my jaw up off the floor> Yeah, maybe. (BTW: I've gained 30 lbs. Not great, but not terrible)

ICG: You know, doctors can be wrong. They can say you're having one when you're really having two, or they'll say you'll have a boy when it's really a girl. You just never know.

ICG's more rational colleague, listening to this: WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP TELLING HER THINGS LIKE THAT???

ICG: What, I'm just saying ...

Me: Oh, I'm used to people calling me huge, but thanks,

ICG: Who's calling you huge? Not me. If anyone calls you huge, tell them how huge THEY are.

Me: <biting tongue, biting tongue, BITING TONGUE as I leave ICG, who must weigh 200 lbs at least, and the store behind>

[Anonymous]

Wow. You should have returned your purchases on the spot and told the manager you were going to Barnes and Noble or Amazon because of this idiot.

Of course, then there are people like the woman I saw at a store once--she was wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant" So the saleslady asked her when she was due and the woman was maybe, MAYBE 8 weeks along--early enough that most people wouldn't even tell anyone about the pregnancy. She was clearly fat AND pregnant.

[Anonymous]

10:03 - I admire your self-restraint! I don't think I could have bitten my tongue hard enough to keep from telling her off after the McDonalds comment!

Similar idiocy: I was in line at the post office the other day - coat off, visibly pregnant - and the woman behind me makes a phone call to apparently discuss nothing but a friend who just died in childbirth. Then moves on to a 10-minute run down of ALL the women she knows who have died in childbirth. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Let the church say amen to this one!

I'm 16 weeks with my first. I've been getting the "You must be having TWINS - you're so huge!" comments since I was NINE WEEKS along. The worst is when people say something like that, I politely respond that no, there's just the one bebe in there, and they insist that the doctors must have made a mistake, because OBVIOUSLY there must be more than one in there.

DUDES. I've seen my baby at least five times on ultrasound now, and there is JUST THE ONE. Leave well enough alone!!

[Anonymous]

Seriously - as someone who lost a set of twins to miscarriage, people need to STOP with these twin comments! just keep it to yourself people...

[Anonymous]

10:03 here. 10:53, i am so sorry for your loss. i can't even imagine what you go through when these stupid jackasses say that to you, of all people!!

the stupid comments from ICG were flying so fast & thick i didn't even get a chance to charge my brain for a good response to the mcdonald's comment ... i was too much in shock. i REALLY wish i had said something rude but glad i didn't. clearly this woman was born in a barn and has the IQ of a fern, so i can just sort of brush her off as being a moron. however when clearly educated people WHO HAVE GIVEN BIRTH BEFORE insist on saying these kinds of things, i admit ... i've snapped at a few.

[Anonymous]

People are just thoughtless. I gave birth amonth ago and I was so worried that my baby was going to be a very big baby due to people's comments of how big I looked and that my baby must be very large....my daughter was born at 7 pounds and so my worry was for nothing.