Why do people think it's OK to comment about the size of your belly when you're pregnant?

[Anonymous]

10:53 here. 10:03 - thanks. I lost them @10 weeks, so most people didn't know - but if they don't notice my facial expression, then they are oblivious!

Also, to add to that my OWN MOTHER said, when we found out we were pregnant with this one (35 weeks now!) "Is it twins? No? I am so disappointed, I was hoping for twins!" and of course, she knew that I had lost them just months prior.

So of course I was in the same boat, was tongue tied and didn't know what to say. I just said "Put my dad on the phone" -- but luckily for me my sis found out and tore her a new one the following week.

Maybe we should all just decide that anytime someone says something like this, we'll just burst into super hormonal harsh tears to make THEM uncomfortable!

[Anonymous]

I love it, I was just complaining to a girlfriend about this yesterday. I am 29 weeks and far from huge, although certainly not small either. I've only gained 15 lbs thus far and feel pretty good. UNTIL the lunchroom comments yesterday. One woman commented in how gigantic my belly was and how hard it must be for me to walk and another commented on how sad I must be that I didn't get the boobs to go along with the pregnancy. I just walked away - red faced and completely embarrassed. A pregnant woman's body is not public property. To all of the PP's - your pregnant bodies are beautiful wonderful things and to h*ll anyone who dares to suggest otherwise.

[Anonymous]

OMG, she commented on your boobs! I would be SO mad.

[Anonymous]

I'll join the chorus on this one. I can't stand the comments - which I've gotten nonstop thru my first pregnancy and now this one (I'm 35w.) I don't understand the point of making these comments. I've just gotten to the point where I preempt them and make the jokes myself. But I absolutely resent it. And since I had a m/c inbetween these two pregnancies, I just generally don't welcome too much commentary on my status - I feel lucky that I'm ***hopefully*** en route to a second healthy baby, but I don't wish to engage in a discussion of my size or my plans or whatever with every single random stranger who passes by. I've taken to going into the office through a back door to avoid the building's receptionist - who has literally made a comment on my size or looks every single time she has seen me for 6 months now, despite the fact that she does not know me and calls me by the wrong name. Grrrr.... Why should pregnancy make us public property??

I will acknowledge though that I've been guilty of making remarks that were probably unintentionally hurtful - I saw a friend awhile back who was considerably pregnant with twins but still looked elegant and petite. I made some remarks (intended to be flattering) about her modest size, and then learned she was wracked with anxiety that the babies weren't growing as fast as they should... I quickly switched to telling her how fantastic and healthy she looked, which was true and hopefully didn't contribute to her angst (her babies were born fat and healthy, so all was well in the end.) But it was a lesson for me, and now I always just tell my pregnant friends how great they look.

[Anonymous]

Someone said the following to my sister when she was pregnant:
"You must be having a girl - they say that girls take away their mother's beauty" !@#$%$

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I got that "you having twins?" comment from a salesperson this summer when I was 7 months pregnant. She was a little younger (and ironically, fairly chubby herself) so I told her in as restrained a voice as I could muster that she should really not say things like that to her customers. What I wish I had said: "No. Are you?" I swear I am going to say that if I ever get that comment again. Maybe it will help folks remember how unpleasant it is to receive comments about one's body from strangers.

[Anonymous]

I'm the person who admitted earlier to having made these gaffes myself with very close friends, but now I am understanding that total strangers or people you know only a little bit at work are saying these things? ooh. I think I'd remind the woman commenting on your boobs that sexual harassment at work doesn't have to be between a man and a woman or simply say to her (and everyone commenting on pregnancy body issues) that the topic is grossly inappropriate and making you feel embarrassed and angry. My office conducted workforce sensitivity training and we specifically counsel our associates that comments about a person's body are inappropriate. We cover all of these topics. I'm now sorry for my lighthearted, earlier approach -- I can understand how that would really be upsetting, especially when you say it makes you feel like the baby might be too big or too small. I didn't even think of that. Anyway if (when, i suppose) it happens to me, I won't be as nice as people have been to me. which is as it should be. One thing is true, as a past offender here, if even one woman would have told me how rude or upsetting it was to hear a comment like that I would have been deeply sorry and embarrassed and I guarantee I would have never done that again. If someone is just trying to be a jerk (or pushy, like telling you 'has your doctor seen you?' I'd just tell them to never talk to me about my belly again. But if someone just seems like an ignorant idiot, tell them they're contributing to your already significant worries -- maybe they'd actually apologize.

[Anonymous]

I'm 33 weeks, wearing comfortable black coats that cover my whole belly every time I go to the stores. Guess what, today two people at different stores (one cashier and one simple customer on the line) looked at me and ask THE QUESTION..."Are you having tweens??"
I just say "NO, I'm not", but next time, I will respond "No, are you??
Many strangers have asked me that question or..."are you going to the hospital tomorrow??" from month 6. At that time it didn't bother me, but these last days I've been uncomfortable with those people and the situation.
As most of you said, many people may think pregnancy is a public property.
Should I respond "it's not of your business"???

[Anonymous]

I saw a VERY pregnant woman yesterday, like POPPING, and I smiled at her. She looked weary and annoyed. She had two other kids I could only imagine what she hears all day. I said "you look great, good luck with the baby!" She smiled and said, "you are the first person in four months who has not commented on how big I am!!!"

I thought that was and IS pathetic. Aren't some pregnant women struggling enough? Do they need to be told they are huge? People are idiots.

[Anonymous]

When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I got more than a few "are you having twins?!" comments--even though I was not overweight and gained only 25 lbs. On the other hand, when I was pregnant with my twins, only ONE person ask me if I am carrying twins. Go figure!

[Anonymous]

10:03 here. now THAT's funny, PP with the twins.

to the poster who said she had made those "gaffes" with her close friends ... to be honest, i don't mind it so much when close friends comment on my size. i know they are doing it out of sympathy and i also know i can tell them to STFU if i want to. i further know that i can nicely tell them you know, i really don't need that right now and know that they will understand. however when coworkers and perfect strangers feel the urge to make stupid comments ... gaahh i don't know it just makes me want to scream. people are so ill-mannered it's just frightening.

[Anonymous]

I was pregnant with twins and people started asking if I was going to delivery "any day now" when I was about 20 weeks along. It is funny though that very few people asked me if I was having twins and that wasn't until the end of the pregnancy. A week after I delivered, after losing 27 of the 37 lbs I gained during the pregnancy, my husband and I and the twins were at Ikea and someone asked me when my baby was due. Talk about depressing! On the good side, two weeks later I was at Wegmans and someone asked me if I was the twins' nanny since I looked too good to have just had them. I could have kissed that lady!

[Anonymous]

hoo-hoo! this post couldn't have come at a better time for me! we were at a party on sunday, and I was chatting w/ my husband's boss' partner (a man who weighs about 130 lbs soaking wet!) about my second baby due in June. i commented something about being just in time for the heat of summer, and he responded, "oh yes, I remember, you got REALLY big last time. you were just huge, that will be uncomfortable." WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am 5'4 and have a short torso, and I had an 8lb baby...I looked PREGANT.

ahh...that feels better. couldn't exactly unleash my wrath at the time, and never wished for a drink so bad!

[Anonymous]

I am ok with the first comment from someone, I can sluff it off. But honestly, when my grandma told me every hour (and she's not the forgetful one) that I looked so huge (at 30 weeks) and this is going to be a HUGE baby, it got pretty dang annoying.