Friends - when is it time to move on?

[Anonymous]

I struggle with a friendship that I've had. Lately, it hasn't brought me much joy. When things are Convenient (capital C), she is there. But the second there is a true need, she isn't there. The friendship is one of convenience. If you feel used in a friendship, is it time to move on?

[Anonymous]

Do you want to or would you like to keep her as a friend? If you want to keep her, you need to be realistic with yourself on what you can expect from her and things will be fine. She's not going to change.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your advice. Part of me wants to keep her, but lately, i just feel external influences in her life have changed her. I think you are right, she will not change. I have a limited amount of time and there are other friends who give ALOT more. Perhaps i should spend more time on them...

[Anonymous]

It's hard. Female friendships are complicated and they do change through time. As we get older, we have less time and flexibility. I'm sorry your friendship isn't positive. But yes it might be time to move on. It's like dating...you just have to make the break and find someone more worthy

[Anonymous]

hey, here's a question...why are female friendships so difficult?

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people don't change and situations show more of who they always were. Like a lot of things that are troubling, you probably know the answer and are having a hard time coming to terms with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hey, here's a question...why are female friendships so difficult?

The biggest compliment I received from two friends was that I didn't change after I got married and had kids. I was the very same - for better or for worse! 8)

So I think that if you stay true to who you are, then it's easier to maintain friendships during new stages of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people don't change and situations show more of who they always were. Like a lot of things that are troubling, you probably know the answer and are having a hard time coming to terms with it.

I think you are right. I am having a hard time coming to terms with it. I have such fulfilling life with my family and want something outside of that. And, I really care for this person. But a majority of time, I feel like the friendship isn't equal and now I've had enough. I don't even have enough motivation to pick up the phone and call her back.

Thanks for your thoughts!

[Anonymous]

funny, i could see my friends saying this about me. that once i got married and had a kid, i became a friend only when it was convenient to me. unfortunately, the way i saw it was that that was just the nature of the new life that i had. i know some friends complained behind my back. but i saw that as extremely not understanding and friend-like. so i don't know what your situation is exactly, but it makes me wonder if this is a phase where you need to be understanding or if your friend really truly does not care that much about you.

[Anonymous]

before completely abandoning the friendship, have you thought to maybe tell her how you feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:funny, i could see my friends saying this about me. that once i got married and had a kid, i became a friend only when it was convenient to me. unfortunately, the way i saw it was that that was just the nature of the new life that i had. i know some friends complained behind my back. but i saw that as extremely not understanding and friend-like. so i don't know what your situation is exactly, but it makes me wonder if this is a phase where you need to be understanding or if your friend really truly does not care that much about you.

That's a really good point, I never thought of it that way. Like so many, I prioritize my family (it's hard not to when you have little ones depending on you). However, there were a few instances where I felt I would have made the effort (e.g. when someone is sick and needs help) and she did not. There are a handful of these. During the last encounter, she made excuses for something that was so easy to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:before completely abandoning the friendship, have you thought to maybe tell her how you feel?

I probably should but I'm a bit burned out. There have been so many instances where I've felt this way. Frankly, I just want to move on. Obviously (since I'm writing this strand in the wee hours) I still care... Thanks for your advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hey, here's a question...why are female friendships so difficult?

The biggest compliment I received from two friends was that I didn't change after I got married and had kids. I was the very same - for better or for worse! 8)

So I think that if you stay true to who you are, then it's easier to maintain friendships during new stages of your lives.

Why are female friendships so difficult? Good question. I think we as women take things to heart. We speak and act with our hearts. Men are more logical and thereby can rationalize away an interaction. For women, that negative interaction stings and that sting stays with us for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hey, here's a question...why are female friendships so difficult?

The biggest compliment I received from two friends was that I didn't change after I got married and had kids. I was the very same - for better or for worse! 8)

So I think that if you stay true to who you are, then it's easier to maintain friendships during new stages of your lives.

Why are female friendships so difficult? Good question. I think we as women take things to heart. We speak and act with our hearts. Men are more logical and thereby can rationalize away an interaction. For women, that negative interaction stings and that sting stays with us for a while.

I must say, I have changed since I got married. I do think of my husband and my children first. However, I am still a caring, loving, and loyal friend. If a friend needs me, or makes an effort and requires something in return, I'm there for them. I will move mountains to make it happen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hey, here's a question...why are female friendships so difficult?

The biggest compliment I received from two friends was that I didn't change after I got married and had kids. I was the very same - for better or for worse! 8)

So I think that if you stay true to who you are, then it's easier to maintain friendships during new stages of your lives.

Why are female friendships so difficult? Good question. I think we as women take things to heart. We speak and act with our hearts. Men are more logical and thereby can rationalize away an interaction. For women, that negative interaction stings and that sting stays with us for a while.

I must say, I have changed since I got married. I do think of my husband and my children first. However, I am still a caring, loving, and loyal friend. If a friend needs me, or makes an effort and requires something in return, I'm there for them. I will move mountains to make it happen!

So do you still have friends (male/female) with whom you socialize? Do you have time for friends? I've cut off my social life and focused on my new baby and family after moving to the burbs. 3 years later, I really have no friends or social network locally though I've lived here about 10 years.