Friends - when is it time to move on?

[Anonymous]

I think female friendships are more complicated. Male friendships are very surface.
My husband and his friends don't talk to each other about their lives, their feelings, their needs.... it's very shallow. This is why men LOVE sports. It gives them something to passionately talk about which is really ultimately meaningless.

Women get much more involved, more attached, we give more, we expect to get more. We expect women to be LIKE US. We hold them to our standards of what a friend should do/should be. The standard of what I would do if my friend were sick, home alone for a weekend, jobless, whatever.

We need to remember that even our female friends are different from ourselves. Not everyone sees things the way you or I do. Not everyone has the same sense of what is right, wrong, expected, reasonable, fair.

Obviously if you are in any relationship where you are being taken for granted, taken advantage of, used, abused, then you need to end it. If however you can "dumb down" your expectations to this friend's level - and only put in as much as you are getting out of her - you could not only save the friendship but learn to actually enjoy it, on it's own terms.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you are asking too much of her. Some friends are good for going out to lunch, talking, and inviting over for a drink from time to time. That has it's value. A really good friend will be there for you in a time of need, but I don't think it's realistic to expect every friend to be capable of that.

[Anonymous]

If the friendship is that meaningful to you that it bothers you so much when you feel slighted, then you need to at least let her know what is troubling you. To just drop the friendship without even communicating that is unfair and immature.

[Anonymous]

I've "dumped" a few friends over the years and let me tell you, I have no regrets. The relationships had become negative and draining for me. When you get to the point you are at, it usually means it is time to move on. Sometimes you just grow apart or the dynamics change. You can just let it die a slow death if you don't want to confront her, start being busy, not email back as quick, etc ...

[Anonymous]

I have been in your spot and have given the serious talk ex. I am mad because...and it wound up being awkward and the friendships disapeared and you know what..I regret opening my mouth and not just letting things just evolve meaning pulling away not in anger but in the spirit of "we can get together when the timing is right." I now realize that sometimes friendships need a sort of time out but not an angry time out. I think that in the case of these two friends, if I had just focused on other things and not gotten mad, I would still be able to be friends instead of not having them in my life at all. Believe me..sometimes you think "Oh I don't want this person in my life" but the reality is that you do. Does this make sense?