Vent: husband drunk and I'm 38 weeks

[Anonymous]

So I usually cut my husband some slack, but after listening to him vomit in our side alley and front yard and make a ton of noise coming home drunk from not eating dinner and going out, I'm ticked. I'm a pretty laid back person but I could have my baby any day now and my husband is totally trashed. What if I went into labor? No way he could drive or get me through delivery. Not to mention I felt awful not waiting up for him and falling asleep only to realize he is blitzed. Now I feel like a parent waiting up for a teenager, our bedroom reeks of a bar and I can't get to sleep, mainly thinking of him stupidly walking home drunk rather than getting a car and bring a potential victim for crime or worse. My husband rocks usually and has done so much for the baby and me, like reading us a bedtime story each night and cleaning and organizing the house and making meals to freeze, but right now I'm livid. Vent over. Le sigh.

[Anonymous]

Getting a cab. Darn iPad !

[Anonymous]

Was he out for an event? just at a bar drinking? Why hadn't he had dinner?

I get your frustration - just curious as to more context if this is out of the habit for him.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a bartender... I'm at the home stretch as well and it drives me crazy when he comes home drunk but man your dude took the cake! Throwing up... I'd be pissed. I feel for you. Lay into him tomorrow and set some rules now that you are 38 weeks. I told my husband 2 beers and a shot only and that's in a 12 hour bar shift. If he goes out with friends 2 beers or 1 beer 1 whiskey. My husband is the... Awesome I every way but man the booze is annoying. I'm right there with ya momma!

[Anonymous]

Is this a persistent problem? If he hasn't done it before i'd chalk it up to a last hurrah/poor judgment in time of stress.

[Anonymous]

He was at an event/meeting for a volunteer organization/board he sits on. He doesn't have an alcohol problem, just failed to eat a real meal and drank on an empty stomach. He is notoriously bad about eating dinner if going to the gym and then an event after work but a 37 year old man. He's sleeping it off on the guest room and man I'm pissed! Still can't fall asleep.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are very social and pre-pregnancy would go to the gym every night after work then either out for drinks or dinner, to an event or community volunteer event. It's not uncommon for either one of us to go out 3-5 times a week but never drunk even if we stay out late. In the past month, we bought a house, moved and had family in town plus all our baby stuff. Child birth classes, infant care, CPR, open houses for child care where we are on the wait list, baby showed thrown in our honor for family and friends. We have had very little down time or time to relax do I will chalk up his behavior to that and maybe some anxiety as we he closer to our due date.

[Anonymous]

The smell of alcohol and knowing I'll walk out the door to vomit is infuriating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was at an event/meeting for a volunteer organization/board he sits on. He doesn't have an alcohol problem, just failed to eat a real meal and drank on an empty stomach. He is notoriously bad about eating dinner if going to the gym and then an event after work but a 37 year old man. He's sleeping it off on the guest room and man I'm pissed! Still can't fall asleep.

Okay, he really gets the bonehead award. Definitely lay into when he gets up. You have permission. This is waaaay irresponsible. Who gets that drunk just from an empty stomach?

[Anonymous]

Just a story to make you feel better: my husband is a truly wonderful father. He is a partner in parenting 100% and has never made me question his dedication or enthusiasm for our children (now 3 and 1). When I was 36 or so weeks pregnant with my first, he got so wasted at the rehearsal dinner of some friends (I went home around 11, telling him to stay a bit longer but thinking that meant 1 or 2), coming home around 4, incoherently mumbling and trying to pee in the corner of the hotel room. This was rare behavior for him at the time but completely shocking to me given my late pregnancy. I was livid, and he got it, but it hadn't occurred to him, I suppose, that it might bother me ahead of time (the drinking- the peeing.... Pretty sure that was a surprise to both of us). Anyways, if all other behavior points to him being on-board, invested, willing to grow up, etc., it could just be that this pregnancy just isn't real to him like it is for you until the baby actually shows up. Your life has already changed with the pregnancy and the baby whose movements inside you make you very aware of how real (s)he is, but the need to change behaviors (not that this is a normal thing for him, which you said it wasn't) may not come for him until the baby comes.

[Anonymous]

^ me again. But I would still be pissed and let him know. My husband still knows what I mean when I refer to that night and roll my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ me again. But I would still be pissed and let him know. My husband still knows what I mean when I refer to that night and roll my eyes.

If it's not a recurring problem, why do you do this? It's toxic. I would hate if I made a one time mistake and my husband continued to shame me for months afterward.

[Anonymous]

I'd be annoyed too, but thankfully it's not a regular thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ me again. But I would still be pissed and let him know. My husband still knows what I mean when I refer to that night and roll my eyes.

If it's not a recurring problem, why do you do this? It's toxic. I would hate if I made a one time mistake and my husband continued to shame me for months afterward.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I usually cut my husband some slack, but after listening to him vomit in our side alley and front yard and make a ton of noise coming home drunk from not eating dinner and going out, I'm ticked. I'm a pretty laid back person but I could have my baby any day now and my husband is totally trashed. What if I went into labor? No way he could drive or get me through delivery. Not to mention I felt awful not waiting up for him and falling asleep only to realize he is blitzed. Now I feel like a parent waiting up for a teenager, our bedroom reeks of a bar and I can't get to sleep, mainly thinking of him stupidly walking home drunk rather than getting a car and bring a potential victim for crime or worse. My husband rocks usually and has done so much for the baby and me, like reading us a bedtime story each night and cleaning and organizing the house and making meals to freeze, but right now I'm livid. Vent over. Le sigh.

Ok this is adorable. Cut him some slack. I'd be willing to bet that while he couldn't drive you to the hospital, the scene of you going into labor would probably sober him up pretty damn fast in the hospital (and some food from the cafeteria). Be honest, is the annoyance a little bit also out of jealousy? I know it would be for me. I also love being social and partying and, gasp, getting a little buzz on sometimes. So I get being a little jealous that all these major changes have happened to you as the woman whereas nothing really has changed for him yet. (39 weeks here too)