Toddler talks at home but not day care

[Anonymous]

My son is 22 months and my day care keeps saying that he doesn't talk at day care. Does a lot of pointing and nodding. They suggested we should talk to our doctor. But he talks at home. We have no worries about his communication or understanding or hearing. And he likes the day care, so do we.

Anyone else's toddler not talk at day care but talks at home? Just curious, we don't think there is an issue.

[Anonymous]

How long has he been going to daycare? He might just be shy around the other kids. My 16 month old talks constantly when we are at home (40 words + some unintelligible babble), but when we go to playgroup she is very quiet and sometimes doesn't say one word in the two hours we are there.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He has been there about a year, but recently transitioned to the next older room.

[Anonymous]

OP, I had a daycare teacher tell me my son was delayed. Situation sounds an awful lot like yours. He 's now four. Talks non-stop to anyone who will listen. If your child verbalizes and is on track at home, I would not worry. He might not like the teacher

[Anonymous]

I'd mention it at the 2 year appt, but really it's premature to worry and sucks that your kid's teachers are suggesting you worry about this. Kids act very differently at home and school, and this does actually start this young. And since he just switched to a new room he is probably now with older kids. He's probably just studying and listening and one day will start talking and never shut up.

FWIW my DD was past 2and still not talking much anywhere. I was worried and debating seeking help for her but then she started at a new daycare in a room with older kids and almost immediately she started talking nonstop, and quite well.

[Anonymous]

Does he talk anywhere else but home or with family? selective mutism?

[Anonymous]

If a day care or teacher tells you they are concerned about something I would check it out with the doctor at your child's checkup. From my experience teachers don't bring up potential problems unless they really think there is one. Don't ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a day care or teacher tells you they are concerned about something I would check it out with the doctor at your child's checkup. From my experience teachers don't bring up potential problems unless they really think there is one. Don't ignore it.

For every good teacher, there is a drama queen teacher who loves finding non-existent problems. A child who is talking
at home, but is quiet at school is not a problem. Some children at that age just find group settings overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a day care or teacher tells you they are concerned about something I would check it out with the doctor at your child's checkup. From my experience teachers don't bring up potential problems unless they really think there is one. Don't ignore it.

For every good teacher, there is a drama queen teacher who loves finding non-existent problems. A child who is talking
at home, but is quiet at school is not a problem. [b]Some children at that age just find group settings overwhelming[b].

+1. I think OP sounds refreshingly sane for this board.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for selective mutism. My daughter didn't talk at daycare or now preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a day care or teacher tells you they are concerned about something I would check it out with the doctor at your child's checkup. From my experience teachers don't bring up potential problems unless they really think there is one. Don't ignore it.

For every good teacher, there is a drama queen teacher who loves finding non-existent problems. A child who is talking
at home, but is quiet at school is not a problem. Some children at that age just find group settings overwhelming.

You are wrong if it is selective mutism.

[Anonymous]

And selective mutism isn't a speech issue, it is an anxiety issue.

[Anonymous]

This is very common. I am a director of a child care center, and I think it is great that the teacher brought the issue to to your attention. Hopefully you told her that your child communicates well at home so that she knows it is not a speech and language issue. (Plus, remember that parents often have an easier time understanding children who may have articulation issues and are not understood by non-family members, and are not always the best judges of language skills--though it sounds like this is not the case here.) Keep an eye out for selective mutism/anxiety issues but I have seen many, many children who were quiet as toddlers in the day care setting begin talking much more as they grow a little older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And selective mutism isn't a speech issue, it is an anxiety issue.

Yup, and my son's teacher said that was the problem with him when he barely spoke at school around age 2. At age 4, with no treatment, he's a happy, super social guy. Glad I did not listen to the know-it-all teacher who acted like my kid needed a psychiatrist and anxiety meds. As an aside is a much better observer of other people's emotions than my other children, and much more empathetic.

People throwing around terms and treating everything like a problem are part of the reason why so many children are overmedicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And selective mutism isn't a speech issue, it is an anxiety issue.

Yup, and my son's teacher said that was the problem with him when he barely spoke at school around age 2. At age 4, with no treatment, he's a happy, super social guy. Glad I did not listen to the know-it-all teacher who acted like my kid needed a psychiatrist and anxiety meds. As an aside is a much better observer of other people's emotions than my other children, and much more empathetic.

People throwing around terms and treating everything like a problem are part of the reason why so many children are overmedicated.

My daughter has selective mutism and is doing well overcoming it without a psychiatrist or anxiety medications. She was mute in preschool for a year before we figured it out. Learning about selective mutism gave us a lot of insight into why she was not speaking in school and gave us guidelines for how to help her be less anxious and more comfortable speaking. If we hadn't run across the information on this anxiety issue and we had just waited for her to grow out of it without us paying any special attention to helping her, I don't think she would be doing so well this year in kindergarten. I don't know if the OP's child has selective mutism or not -- 22 months is on the early side for it, I believe, and maybe this is just normal toddler behavior. But there is no harm in suggesting that the OP look into information about selective mutism and see if that information can help her help her child (without necessarily pursuing a diagnosis at this point). OP, you may want to read a bit about selective mutism (even just the Wikipedia entry) and see if it sounds at all like your child -- the first time I read about it, I was amazed at how perfectly it described my daughter's behavior.