My son is doing miserably at school

[Anonymous]

I am trying hard not to share my emotions on this with him, as they are a mixture of so many things and I need to process more. My 10 year old is really doing poorly at school. His work is completely illegible, he seems to lack the capacity to do his work in a reasoned, intelligent, thoughtful way. Way back when, he had the WPPSI and it was high 138 combined. He learned to read early. I don't know if he is lazy, LD, ADHD, or what. He is not hyper, but can be a bit spacey. He is really into sports, and I am fearing we did him a disservice by allowing so much attention in that area. However, I don't want to take away sports as I think they serve a valuable purpose, as well. School came easily to me, not so easily to my very intelligent husband, so may be there is something there. Anyway, just a long, directionless vent. Any insights welcome!

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by he is doing poorly?

Is his teacher saying he is at risk of bring held back? is he failing tests? Not turning in homework?

Have you met with his teacher?

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, we need more information. Most important, what does his teacher (this year) say, and how does that compare to past reports?

Also, at 10, I think there is nothing wrong with cutting back on sports, eliminating some things, etc. if he is not making his grades. Just be very firm and clear with him. School work has to come first, and if he's not keeping up, he will have to spend extra time studying. That extra time has to come out of sports activities.

[Anonymous]

Sounds as though he could be gifted and learning disabled (GT/LD, twice exceptional or 2E), OP. These children need very special care, because their giftedness masks their learning disabilities and vice-versa, which means they are not identified as either most of the time, but they struggle and can become depressed and unmotivated. With the right environment and support, on the other hand, they can blossom into very high achievers. I have a child like this, and my quirky yet highly intelligent DH also struggled in school.

Your son would benefit from a full neuropsychological evaluation if you can afford it (they run from $3K up at Children's Hospital). At the very least begin by researching on the internet. It sounds as if he could have ADD or executive functioning issues (spacey). An IQ of a 138 is considered gifted. If the evaluation unearthes a learning disability, you can ask the school for an IEP, a legal plan protecting his rights to special services and accommodations, some of which can come in very handy: for example, he can be eligible for extra time on exams if he tends to have low processing speed. He can have a classroom aide or extra organizational help from the resource room. Armed with the gifted score, you can also negotiate with the teachers that they forego some routine work with him in favor of more in-depth projects that would spark his interest. Etc, etc.

Good luck. Don't let him down!

[Anonymous]

Sorry for being so vague. Yes, near failing or failing tests in math. Reading work is completely sloppy and he can't construct a paragraph or answer in complete sentences or use proper punctuation. If he does a workbook, he usually gets the answers correct, but on his own, it doesn't seem to translate. His spelling is excellent. If I work with him on memorizing (science test for example) he does well. His teachers are confused as his work last year, while not graded was pretty good (top side of the math group which was grade level and top of the reading group which was the top group). They are not talking about holding him back, possibly going down in ability groups (we are in private school).

[Anonymous]

What does his week look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds as though he could be gifted and learning disabled (GT/LD, twice exceptional or 2E), OP. These children need very special care, because their giftedness masks their learning disabilities and vice-versa, which means they are not identified as either most of the time, but they struggle and can become depressed and unmotivated. With the right environment and support, on the other hand, they can blossom into very high achievers. I have a child like this, and my quirky yet highly intelligent DH also struggled in school.

Your son would benefit from a full neuropsychological evaluation if you can afford it (they run from $3K up at Children's Hospital). At the very least begin by researching on the internet. It sounds as if he could have ADD or executive functioning issues (spacey). An IQ of a 138 is considered gifted. If the evaluation unearthes a learning disability, you can ask the school for an IEP, a legal plan protecting his rights to special services and accommodations, some of which can come in very handy: for example, he can be eligible for extra time on exams if he tends to have low processing speed. He can have a classroom aide or extra organizational help from the resource room. Armed with the gifted score, you can also negotiate with the teachers that they forego some routine work with him in favor of more in-depth projects that would spark his interest. Etc, etc.

Good luck. Don't let him down!

Thanks. This are helpful insights. I plan to go the testing route, and I think that might be the answer to some of this puzzle. My frustration is very selfish, as school came easily to me and was my ticket out of a rough family background, so there are a lot of emotions swirling that are not fair to him. The "Don't let him down" resonates. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

My adhd kid says that my constant anxiety about her academic focus amplifies the issues. So if you can find a way to displace that stress it will help. I know I have not figured it out though.

[Anonymous]

Testing might be a good idea to identify if there's a learning disability, however, even if there's not, there's definitely skills kids can learn to help organize themselves and make the effort they're putting in more worthwhile. I'd take a look at Ann Dolin's book; here's an article from her website on getting organized: http://ectutoring.com/5-tips-for-organizing-your-disorganized-child

Sports are probably a big motivator for him so that will help him want to get and stay on track. If sloppy handwriting isn't just the result of trying to breeze through homework but due to dysgraphia, some sessions with an OT would help. Again the testing will help suss out what's what.

Also, try not to stress too much, it sounds as though your kid has a lot of potential and having an LD is not the end of the world. There's definitely good resources out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds as though he could be gifted and learning disabled (GT/LD, twice exceptional or 2E), OP. These children need very special care, because their giftedness masks their learning disabilities and vice-versa, which means they are not identified as either most of the time, but they struggle and can become depressed and unmotivated. With the right environment and support, on the other hand, they can blossom into very high achievers. I have a child like this, and my quirky yet highly intelligent DH also struggled in school.

Your son would benefit from a full neuropsychological evaluation if you can afford it (they run from $3K up at Children's Hospital). At the very least begin by researching on the internet. It sounds as if he could have ADD or executive functioning issues (spacey). An IQ of a 138 is considered gifted. If the evaluation unearthes a learning disability, you can ask the school for an IEP, a legal plan protecting his rights to special services and accommodations, some of which can come in very handy: for example, he can be eligible for extra time on exams if he tends to have low processing speed. He can have a classroom aide or extra organizational help from the resource room. Armed with the gifted score, you can also negotiate with the teachers that they forego some routine work with him in favor of more in-depth projects that would spark his interest. Etc, etc.

Good luck. Don't let him down!

.

I agree with this. We had our 16yo evaluated at the Stixrud group in Silver Spring last year bc of mediocre school performance. He scores in the 99.5th percentile for verbal ability and reasoning (raw intelligence) but his working memory and processing speed are very average. We have put some things in place to help him and it is making a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being so vague. Yes, near failing or failing tests in math. Reading work is completely sloppy and he can't construct a paragraph or answer in complete sentences or use proper punctuation. If he does a workbook, he usually gets the answers correct, but on his own, it doesn't seem to translate. His spelling is excellent. If I work with him on memorizing (science test for example) he does well. His teachers are confused as his work last year, while not graded was pretty good (top side of the math group which was grade level and top of the reading group which was the top group). They are not talking about holding him back, possibly going down in ability groups (we are in private school).

PP here. See also the book, Late, Lost and Unprepared. Very helpful.

[Anonymous]

sounds like puberty.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would go beyond an evaluation for learning disabilities and have him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician in case there is a developmental disorder. Sometimes these become apparent when the demands of school increase. It really does sound like your DS has some kind of issue that has to be addressed in which case he is probably also stressed out and his self-esteem is sinking. You need to figure this out and address it.

You need to get it out of your head that this has anything to do with a lack of intelligence. There are many, many kids who are very bright and also have learning or developmental challenges.

[Anonymous]

3rd grade is when education goes from learn to read to read to learn.

I would go with the evaluation from the great post at 21:05.

I would get support from asdec.org, there are specially trained tutors who can help.

Self esteem is the most important thing because it can tank at an alarming rate. Don't take away sports because it combats self esteem issues/depression.

Take away TV, electronics, Chipotle (that is my new one)... if he is not TRYING. Don't punish him if he is trying but his output don't equal his input.

It is very emotional to see a child struggle in school but schools are pretty good about these things now, not perfect, getting better. There is no perfect situation but you can ease the struggle with support.

[Anonymous]

These are the beginning of the middle school years when kids are trying to establish their identities. They are no longer cute in the small child sense of the word, but at the same time they remain powerless to steer their own course at home, at school or socially.

Remain supportive, recognize you have several challenging years ahead of you, and know that once your son attains a greater degree of power and autonomy in his life he'll be fine.