My son is doing miserably at school

[Anonymous]

A lot of boys are doing louzy in schools these days compared to girls. I would help if I were you OP. First, I would take away any tech stuff so that he is not distracted. I would watch his diet for sugar and additives. I would sit down with him after dinner each night and get a binder for him. Write down the task and have him mark them off as he does them. If you have a DH ...take turns each night to go over your DS's homework. He will do better with the structure. Help him learn to keep his notebooks and assignments organized.

[Anonymous]

Based on a one-paragraph description, people have suggested testing him for Gifting and Learning Disabled, ADHD, and a Developmental Disorder (probably have him tested for Gluten and Executive Function too). That seems a bit excessive and if he goes through all those tests he will surely fall further behind in school. He might need something but I would talk to your pediatrician or someone at the school rather than shelling out thousands of dollars for tests suggested by loony DCUM posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on a one-paragraph description, people have suggested testing him for Gifting and Learning Disabled, ADHD, and a Developmental Disorder (probably have him tested for Gluten and Executive Function too). That seems a bit excessive and if he goes through all those tests he will surely fall further behind in school. He might need something but I would talk to your pediatrician or someone at the school rather than shelling out thousands of dollars for tests suggested by loony DCUM posters.

I have to agree - not that PPs are loony, exactly, but that it's excessive to start testing for so many things before talking to the school. What do they think and suggest? Previous suggestions have been helpful (take away electronics, etc) to have him focus on drills and homework.

I hate to say this, but the hard truth is that not every child is going to excel in school every year, with every teacher, in every subject. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do all you can to help him, but if he's normal in every other sense I'd hesitate to jump to conclusions on learning disabilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My adhd kid says that my constant anxiety about her academic focus amplifies the issues. So if you can find a way to displace that stress it will help. I know I have not figured it out though.

Yes.

I was in your shoes, OP, down to the family dynamics (I used to effortlessly excel in school, hubby -- a 2E child with astronomical IQ but also with dyslexia -- not so much. Our DD advances in fits and starts -- she went waaay ahead in math and reading in the early years, stopped short when she noticed nobody else was at her level, fell well behind in 2nd grade, as we were exploring the reason for her school anxiety. By the beginning of 3rd grade, she was back in her comfort zone (ADHD meds + excellent school counselor helped), but by now my pushing her for some academic success backfired.

She was barely reading anymore, her spelling was atrocious, she was relying on fingers for the simplest math additions and could not even do the simplest math word problems. Where was my inspired, gifted learner who had zoomed so far ahead before? Worse, since we had moved to VA, all her history of uncanny early success was a legend nobody believed at the new school. Literally, by the beginning of 3rd grade, she was doing worse in math than she had been doing in preschool! I was baffled and desperate.

At our 504 review meeting, her teacher proposed a deal: I would back completely off additional math at home. She would give her challenges in her areas of strength: social science. We will give this a few months and see what happens. Teacher was absolutely right. My kid took ownership of her project, and did an amazing job with it. There was open WOW classroom recognition, and her classmates were all over her poster and presentation. Her teacher sent in a note, which I shared with her. DD was beaming.

There were some lasting effects: suddenly, DD gave up all the crutches she had used for math. She is now fearless in multiplication and division, and just finished the entire Singapore Word problem workbook for 4th grade in just a few sittings, on her own initiative. All correct, with creative diagrams and logical breaking down of steps. Zoom!

Her reading also took off, and she is now happily back to reading substantial books well above grade. No more Ivy and Bean, she's now into Tolkien. We bought her a Kindle to use for her reading, (a highly coveted item) and she has started the habit of word study, whenever she sees a word she fails to recognize. She joyfully plays spelling and word definition games with us. Her spelling still has the occasional mistakes, but the speed with which she flushes mistakes out (and never repeats them!) is quite amazing.

In general, she is just happy and confident -- just because we shifted the challenge from home to school, and kicked it off with a bang.

yes, I'm bragging, but I do have a point. Your son is likely not just lazy, but he spends hours in an environment that fails to engage him. The solution is not so much to spend the afternoons doing extra work, but to engage the teacher's support in crafting a more motivating learning environment. If he excelled in the past and all he got was a yawn from his school (maybe even got called names by a classmate), he will disengage. If he had one challenge that he failed to overcome and lost his confidence, he will indeed fall back on multiple "crutches" and look like a kid who is falling behind. If things continue, that will indeed be the case, but so far, you only have a few months of this. Change things up, give him some success, make sure it's acknowledged and let him regain his bearings.

Your son may well have some challenges (ADHD does come to mind). If that is the case, contrary to a previous poster, you do HAVE to stick with the activities that provide a good exercise for his body, as well as a source of good self-esteem. Make sure they are at a reasonable level -- choose to focus on one activity, and rotate as the leagues come and go, but preserve that respite for him. (My girl's is swimming...and she does have ADHD). But talk to his teacher and try to shake things up a bit. Start with his strength, and see his confidence expand. A good teacher should really know how to approach this.

The one suggestion that seems to have resonated with the teacher was that my kid was extremely receptive to a challenging swim coach who has no qualms moving her to practice with teenagers that are matched in speed, not age. More independent work, more responsibility more speed. Her current teacher is now treating her like an athlete who is self-motivated to succeed, rather than a linear learner who needs even, incremental steeps in a carefully orchestrated program. If your son is good in sports, this approach might work for him as well.

[Anonymous]

i woudl remove all electronics form his room and hold him accountable. this si classic lazy kid who gets away with things. Sorry but tighten up the ship and he will get back in the swing of things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on a one-paragraph description, people have suggested testing him for Gifting and Learning Disabled, ADHD, and a Developmental Disorder (probably have him tested for Gluten and Executive Function too). That seems a bit excessive and if he goes through all those tests he will surely fall further behind in school. He might need something but I would talk to your pediatrician or someone at the school rather than shelling out thousands of dollars for tests suggested by loony DCUM posters.

I have to agree - not that PPs are loony, exactly, but that it's excessive to start testing for so many things before talking to the school. What do they think and suggest? Previous suggestions have been helpful (take away electronics, etc) to have him focus on drills and homework.

I hate to say this, but the hard truth is that not every child is going to excel in school every year, with every teacher, in every subject. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do all you can to help him, but if he's normal in every other sense I'd hesitate to jump to conclusions on learning disabilities.

Most children with LDs are "normal in every other sense." Many if us with kids with ADHD saw exactly the same things OP is describing and that's useful information to have. There's no downside to an evaluation. If there's nothing there that's nice to know. But if there's something, time matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of boys are doing louzy in schools these days compared to girls. I would help if I were you OP. First, I would take away any tech stuff so that he is not distracted. I would watch his diet for sugar and additives. I would sit down with him after dinner each night and get a binder for him. Write down the task and have him mark them off as he does them. If you have a DH ...take turns each night to go over your DS's homework. He will do better with the structure. Help him learn to keep his notebooks and assignments organized.

+1 to all of this, especially the tech stuff. That leads to nothing but trouble. And yes, by all means, get your DH involved. Boys need to see that the men in their lives are concerned about grades as well as sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My adhd kid says that my constant anxiety about her academic focus amplifies the issues. So if you can find a way to displace that stress it will help. I know I have not figured it out though.

Yes.

I was in your shoes, OP, down to the family dynamics (I used to effortlessly excel in school, hubby -- a 2E child with astronomical IQ but also with dyslexia -- not so much. Our DD advances in fits and starts -- she went waaay ahead in math and reading in the early years, stopped short when she noticed nobody else was at her level, fell well behind in 2nd grade, as we were exploring the reason for her school anxiety. By the beginning of 3rd grade, she was back in her comfort zone (ADHD meds + excellent school counselor helped), but by now my pushing her for some academic success backfired.

She was barely reading anymore, her spelling was atrocious, she was relying on fingers for the simplest math additions and could not even do the simplest math word problems. Where was my inspired, gifted learner who had zoomed so far ahead before? Worse, since we had moved to VA, all her history of uncanny early success was a legend nobody believed at the new school. Literally, by the beginning of 3rd grade, she was doing worse in math than she had been doing in preschool! I was baffled and desperate.

At our 504 review meeting, her teacher proposed a deal: I would back completely off additional math at home. She would give her challenges in her areas of strength: social science. We will give this a few months and see what happens. Teacher was absolutely right. My kid took ownership of her project, and did an amazing job with it. There was open WOW classroom recognition, and her classmates were all over her poster and presentation. Her teacher sent in a note, which I shared with her. DD was beaming.

There were some lasting effects: suddenly, DD gave up all the crutches she had used for math. She is now fearless in multiplication and division, and just finished the entire Singapore Word problem workbook for 4th grade in just a few sittings, on her own initiative. All correct, with creative diagrams and logical breaking down of steps. Zoom!

Her reading also took off, and she is now happily back to reading substantial books well above grade. No more Ivy and Bean, she's now into Tolkien. We bought her a Kindle to use for her reading, (a highly coveted item) and she has started the habit of word study, whenever she sees a word she fails to recognize. She joyfully plays spelling and word definition games with us. Her spelling still has the occasional mistakes, but the speed with which she flushes mistakes out (and never repeats them!) is quite amazing.

In general, she is just happy and confident -- just because we shifted the challenge from home to school, and kicked it off with a bang.

yes, I'm bragging, but I do have a point. Your son is likely not just lazy, but he spends hours in an environment that fails to engage him. The solution is not so much to spend the afternoons doing extra work, but to engage the teacher's support in crafting a more motivating learning environment. If he excelled in the past and all he got was a yawn from his school (maybe even got called names by a classmate), he will disengage. If he had one challenge that he failed to overcome and lost his confidence, he will indeed fall back on multiple "crutches" and look like a kid who is falling behind. If things continue, that will indeed be the case, but so far, you only have a few months of this. Change things up, give him some success, make sure it's acknowledged and let him regain his bearings.

Your son may well have some challenges (ADHD does come to mind). If that is the case, contrary to a previous poster, you do HAVE to stick with the activities that provide a good exercise for his body, as well as a source of good self-esteem. Make sure they are at a reasonable level -- choose to focus on one activity, and rotate as the leagues come and go, but preserve that respite for him. (My girl's is swimming...and she does have ADHD). But talk to his teacher and try to shake things up a bit. Start with his strength, and see his confidence expand. A good teacher should really know how to approach this.

The one suggestion that seems to have resonated with the teacher was that my kid was extremely receptive to a challenging swim coach who has no qualms moving her to practice with teenagers that are matched in speed, not age. More independent work, more responsibility more speed. Her current teacher is now treating her like an athlete who is self-motivated to succeed, rather than a linear learner who needs even, incremental steeps in a carefully orchestrated program. If your son is good in sports, this approach might work for him as well.

I appreciate you taking the time to write this. I don't think my son is in the same ballpark as your daughter, but I do think he is perfectly capable. I think the "think outside the box" approach is good to consider, as well as what is motivating for him. We currently are working under a theory that his brain might be working too fast in some areas, and he is missing the in between, including the details, if that makes sense. Testing will help tease this out. His speech pattern changed over the summer, where I was constantly saying what are we talking about, what is the subject, etc. as he was starting mid-sentence or even somewhere else! Thanks everyone. I am sure we would all be dxd with something had our parents had the same knowledge we have!