If you have three (or more) children...

[Anonymous]

Do you have any time to yourself at all? Just curious how you accomplish this. Before I had my second a friend told me I would have less time for myself. I didn't see how that could be possible but it's true. So in contemplating a third, I am wondering if there is somehow even less time. It's kind of hard to imagine where the time would come from.

[Anonymous]

I don't, but I have 3 friends who do have 3 kids. And to a person, they are all able to have quite a bit of time to themselves, actually. they are able to accomplish this because they have babysitters or a nanny come in at least 5 days a week, sometimes more.

[Anonymous]

Do they also work?

[Anonymous]

It depends on what stage you are talking about - school age kids - yes, time to myself. So much so, I went back to work.

But the years up until this point, not so much, since naps are a thing of the past and we are involved with Church, sports, and recreational things which keep us very busy.

Well worth it though. I wouldn't trade these last few years for the world (and we DEFINITELY had our shares of ups/downs).

OP - is "time for yourself" a main issue for having child #3? Or is it merely just a factor?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't think it's a main issue. I guess the main issue is whether we can handle it. I'm not sure what I even mean by that. I don't need time to myself for pedicures, going out with friends, etc. so much (not that those things wouldn't be nice) but I just want to have things under control. Keeping up with the older kids' school, arranging their activities, getting lunches, grocery shopping, things done around the house, and still having fun with the kids and husband, etc. So it's not time for luxury, but more time to get stuff done and be in control. Maybe I asked the question the wrong way but your response was helpful and made me think about my concerns.

I just started working full-time, btw, meaning I was home with the first two when they were little.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and a part time job. No time to myself (maybe when they are all in school)? But it's only a little more chaotic than 2.

[Anonymous]

I have four children (2, 5, 8 and 10). I work full time and have a nanny during the day. I have the evenings to myself or spent with my older child who is 10. If I have doctors appts or other things for myself, I usually take the time out from work to do them (including hair appointments) or I schedule an early appointment so I can be in to work on time.

My kids often will play together for an hour or so without any adult necessary (unless there is fighting). Weekends with sports and birthday parties tend to be crazy, but my husband and I just divide and conquer as necessary. I say go for it!

[Anonymous]

I have three kids, and before I would tell anyone to go for it, I'd urge caution. Talk to friends with three or more, babysit for friends with three or more... try to get a feel for what you'll be dealing with.

I have NO free time. A lot depends on your husband's involvement in helping you parent. Mine does not. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed, and I quit my job last year b/c I couldn't do everything. Something had to give. It was always me calling in sick when the kids got sick, or had doctor's appts, etc.

I would give anything for a free Saturday, but my husband just can't understand why I need a break. I'm pretty sure we're not going to resolve it, and I resent the hell out of him for not helping me more.

Be sure your foundation is strong, and your husband sees you as a partner, and you're in it 50/50. If you have that, you have a better chance at loving life with a big family. But, you really do have to expect that more will fall to you as the mom, and be ready to give up what little free time you have for at least the first 5-6 years after the youngest is born.

Whatever you do, don't jump in thinking it will all work itself out. Know your marriage, know your mate, know yourself, know your limits.

[Anonymous]

I have three and I work full time. I am also the primary parent and the one who takes care of making sure the household keep running. I do all of my own shopping, cleaning and cooking. I don't have a nanny. Still, I find the time to get everything done and still have some time for myself. What makes this work for me is being organized, not procrastinating, recognizing early when things aren't working and need to be tweaked or changed, and not resenting my spouse for doing (way) less than 50% of the work.

I would never have been happy at stopping with two, so I knew I would have to make compromises to my lifestyle. I also knew I would never have a 50 -50 split of the work, so I accepted this before we even considered a third. I no longer let it drive me crazy when I walk into a room and find a toy or two or five that have been left behind long after someone was done playing with them. But, forgetting to put your shoes on the stairway so we can find them in the morning could earn you an early bedtime since keeping organized is what makes our house working and keep the mood of our house positive. Also, I've trained my family not to do the things that really drive me crazy - like putting your clothes in the laundry inside out.

One thing that my kids would say changed with the arrival of the third is that they have more responsibilities around the house - which I don't think is bad. I think that is also partly a function of them getting older. But, in their frame of reference, the increase in chores came after the baby.

Good luck with your decision. I have never for a second regretted it and sometimes even think about a fourth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But, forgetting to put your shoes on the stairway so we can find them in the morning could earn you an early bedtime since keeping organized is what makes our house working and keep the mood of our house positive. Also, I've trained my family not to do the things that really drive me crazy - like putting your clothes in the laundry inside out.

Sorry to hijack, but as a less-than-organized mom I found both of these tips to be practical and useful. Any others, PP?

[zumbamama]

I have 3 kids, work FT. I don't have any time to myself unless you count the gym or shopping. I can't remember the last time I was home completely alone. Oh wait, I think it was last spring. What I never seem to have time for, unfortunately, is my friends. I need to fix that.

[Anonymous]

21:36 - I don't understand how you can work full time and not have a nanny. Where are the kids all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:36 - I don't understand how you can work full time and not have a nanny. Where are the kids all day?

If 21:36 doesn't answer, here's my guess. The kids are older and at school. During the summer, they're in camp perhaps. And there's always before and after care. Maybe her kids are also involved in after-school activities. And if she can flex her hours (6 am to 3 pm deal, for example), she can arrive home when the kids do.

just my guesses

[Anonymous]

Ah, had not thought about that. I guess someday my 3 kids will be in school too. Wow. I might get a nap, or an hour all by myself!

[Anonymous]

Where there is a will there is a way. If time along is a priority, I'm sure you can find it.