Struggling with aging process...

[Anonymous]

I think I'm going through a bit of a mid-life crisis! I can't afford Botox or anything of that nature and DH is completely opposed to it anyway. And yet I find myself scrutinizing all of the changes in my body/skin, particularly in the last four years since I've been at home with the kids (I just turned 38). I guess I don't have the best self-esteem and perhaps I've always relied on my looks a bit because I haven't been as confident about what's underneath, if that makes any sense. And now that I'm out of the work force and thus out of the professional/intellectual/cultural loop, I feel like without my looks I'm nothing. DH tells me that this is all my self-perception and not grounded in reality... that I just need to exercise, stay fit and healthy and appreciate each day, and of course he's absolutely right!! He also said that I need to focus on strengthening my emotional/spiritual core and not waste energy on this bologna. It seems like aging is treated as a disease that needs to be battled to the end, at least in our culture, and I guess I've internalized this. How to STOP??

[Anonymous]

OP here... it should have read that I just turned 38.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband is spot on.

Looks go, unless you want to look like Joan Rivers.

Focus on your inner self, and you'll start realizing how beautiful the outside is as well. Wrinkles or no.

[Anonymous]

Hey - I can totally relate )and I have done a little Botox, Restalyne, etc..) but I am still not thrilled with what is happening to my body. It's hard not to scrutinize in the mirror when you feel like you are "losing" your self. That's how I feel - I don't recognize the face in the mirror anymore. My face has gotten thinner and tired looking - even when I am well-rested I feel (and look) tired. I see my mom's frown looking back at me from the mirror! You have to focus on your inner self and try to age gracefully. Funny thing is when I see some beautiful, elegant older actresses (ie: Judy Dench, Meryl Streep) with all their lines and gray hair - I think I would have no problem being "old" if I had their poise and self confidence. I don't think anyone looks at them and thinks - "wow, they look old and tired!" I want to focus on becoming one of those older, elegant woman........I wish.

[Anonymous]

Older, elegant women have two advantages I've realized I haven't got: money and good bone structures. I thought I'd have enough (Botox) money by the time I hit 35 (now). At this point, I'm just hoping I'll have regular hair coloring appointment/ frequent facial/ more substantial clothes and cosmetics money by the time I'm 40.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya ladies...massive mid life at 40 and I truly didn't think I would experience this...had no idea what would jump up and bite me. This morning I wake up to a cystic pimple under my eye that is so friggin big - suffice it to say, NOT attractive AND the biggest fattest grey hair growing off my crown...what the hell? BOTH. Can't Mother Nature give me one to deal with. Botox freaks me out and I really and truly cannot figure out how to get to the damn gym. I have a lifetime membership, but can't go in the morning because that is sucked up with getting ready for work and the kids ready blah blah. i could technically go after kids are in bed and kitchen is tidy...somewhere around 830 pm...then going to sleep is hard. and i have no down time, absolutely none. Yea - that sounds like an excuse and I suppose it is...but the layer of belly jiggle that moves up and down when I so much as trot around the corner is absolute crap.

blah blah. I have not offered one piece of advice. I am hoping that by vomiting my mid-life crisis someone else will have advice.

[Anonymous]

Ladies,

I am 47 and feel good about myself, I am on the chubby side so my face is full so wrinkles dont really show, sure I would like to lose some weight but I focus on the good things, Im wiser, calmer, nicer, compassionate and have a young cute face !!!
Advice, skin is sun care and genetics and sleep, and of course we all have to eat healthy and exercise we know that.
Dont be so hard on yourselves, think that is life , lets feed the spiritual beauty a little more good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, try reading the book "Drinking Problems at the Fountain of Youth." The author is so obsessed with aging you will feel much better about yourself in comparison. She has some useful tips at the end, after you get through the fun stuff. And then realize, as I did, that the vast majority of women are not like those in LA or even DC. Sometimes when I read DCUM I think I'm absolutely the only woman my age in the metro area who is not (1) desperate to get my child into Sidwell/Beauvoir/Maret/GDS and (2) not considering Botox or other injectibles. Well, not seriously considering them, anyway.

In all seriousness, though: Our generation is so self-obsessed, I truly wonder what we're teaching our kids about appearance and beauty. Especially our daughters. Stepping off the soapbox now.

[Anonymous]

14:24 again. OP, I hope I didn't seem dismissive. I could have written much of your post. It's just that what you wrote is so true: American society treats aging as a disease. That really frustrates me. I was getting a pedicure and flipping through "People" when I saw pictures of Meg Ryan and Nicole Kidman, who are just a few years older than me and who I've always thought were really lovely women. And they are barely recognizable now, I swear, thanks to whatever "treatment" regimens they've undergone. Meg Ryan can seemingly barely move her facial muscles! Something is really wrong with this. I don't want to buy into it, but it's hard. Excuse me now while I go scrutinize the parentheses which advertising tells me have no place on my face. . . .

[Anonymous]

OK. I'm 42, and willing to share the few secrets I have:

I've tried a lot of skin care products, and by far the best one is the line recommended by Dr. Fuchs and carried in his office (you do not have to buy it there). It is soap free, and oil free, which makes it ideal for most skin types. And it contains glycolic acid, which is the best anti-aging ingredient I've found yet. It really does smooth your skin, minimize wrinkles, and give you a glow. You're basically giving yourself a mini-chemical-peel as you advance through the process. You want to be careful not to burn your skin -- which means you have to work up to it. Start with Facial Cleaner I and either the lotion or cream I. When you're done with both, you can go on to level II. And then there's level III -- 30% glycolic acid, and a skin rejuvenating cream or lotion III with is 30% glycolic acid plus retinol. I've worked my way to number III and I see a difference. When I stray from these products, I notice a difference over time. The line is called M.D. Forte and you can buy at theskinstore.com. But seriously, start with number I. I really have a lot of respect for Dr. Fuch's judgment. He's good. And compared to come of the stuff out there, it's not even that expensive.

If you use this regimen and do Dr. Brant's Microdermabrasion 2x a week, you shouldn't need facials. Facials smacials. Yes, at $75 bucks it is pricey but it's a good investment. Facials will cost you about $100.

Next, I've noticed that people who exercise more tend to look better as they age. Not only because they avoid getting overweight, but because exercise brings blood to you skin and makes it thicker. One of the posters suggested in another thread to run 5 miles a day and I've taken that suggestion and sort of been making a game of it. How much can I scrape of my time? With headphones on, tuned into the news, I hardly notice the effort. And I feel great afterwards.

Yoga is also a good way to avoid the signs of aging. It will keep your bones healthy and allow you to remain flexible as your age. I believe in it. When I don't go, I start feel ing lousy. You get a bit of a cardiac push and you work both upper and lower body. Hot Yoga in DC has some very affordable deals.

Next -- the Botox. As I understand, Botox is about $500 a treatment. Compared to restalyne it's cheap. If you want to make it affordable, you can -- see, I've just eliminated the money you would have spent on facials. Anoteher thing I do to save money is go as long as I can without a haircut or color. I go to an expensive, fabulous salon in Georgetown, but it costs me over $200 everytime I walk in there for color and cut that is fab. (it's Salon Rafique, in case anybody wants to know, and Rafique is a true artist). Last time he said something like, "See you at Thanksgiving.", and I thought to myself, "see you at Xmas!" If you delay your haircuts/color by 2 -3 weeks you can save several hunded dollars a year. Better haircuts last longer, too.

I totally understand the feeling of not being able to do what you want to do. I would love to go for Restalyne. HRC does it often -- I can tell -- and I think that, and her haircut has managed to make her look credible for the first time probably.

Oh, Fish Oil Pills = good for you skin. And your heart and your brain. Only backdraw are fish-burps and they do not last long.

I hope this helps. I'm always intersted in what other women are doing to. My husband is also opposed to any kind of plastic surgery. But you know what? Our husband's are not women trying to maintain credibility as we age. Men age like plants -- they get more attractive over time. Women are like roses. Ho hum.

[Anonymous]

PP here again: another way to save money to afford your Botox: ditch the manicures. Keep your fingernails nice on your own. You don't need polish. If you are active with yoga and work, etc, the polish will chip after a few days. Not worth it. Save money. As for pedicures: I do think they are almost mandatory during the summer if you want to wear sandals. But not years round.

Other savings: my son gets his haircut by Luigi for $13. Luigi has been cutting some people's hair their whole lives. Boys do not need Cartoon Cuts! Luigi is a good option. He's on Macomb. My husband gets his hair cut there too. He gives everyone the same haircut, but I think it looks good and it lasts a long time.

I do get the feeling that my body is aging and I just don't like it. I don't have the energy that I used to have. I mean when I was in my 20s I would work 9 hour days, work out like crazy, go to sleep and midnight, go out during the week -- no problem. Those days are over. But that doesn't mean we have to concede the war completely. I'll not raise my white flag until I'm 90 or so.

[Anonymous]

np here, I completely second what 9:04 said. Esp. about the MD Forte product line, which I bought way back when from Dr. Castiello. I'm 41 now.

If you cannot afford it (which I no longer can, due to job loss a decent backup is the Olay Regenerist line from CVS, etc. It's not my imagination, I can tell when I haven't been using it.

I also completely agree with 9:04 that exercise is the key to looking "generally healthy and nice" as you get older. The circulatory benefits in particular. I am, in fact, chubby, but I exercise moderately 3-4 times a week and it has totally, totally changed my skin for the better. The increased circulation helps your skin cells regenerate faster than they would otherwise. So I'm a slightly chubby woman with crow's feet, but my skin now glows pink and sweet now.

Ditto the fish oil -- just be careful to research the source, because there's a range of purity and quality.

[Anonymous]

Drink 4 oz of Aloe Vera juice a day, 2 oz in the am and 2 oz at night. It helps your body absorb nutrients. My husband's real estate agent is 61 and looks like she's in her 40s. She said she looks youthful because of the juice.

[Anonymous]

To the Fish Oil people: what is a reputable brand?

[Anonymous]

My eye doc recommended Nordic Naturals fish oils. Nordic Naturals Complete Omega 3.