Struggling with aging process...

[Anonymous]

One problem with fixing "flaws" with plastic surgery, Botox, etc. is that it sets you up to look for more flaws. You use the botox on your forehead and the smoothness of your forehead makes your crows-feet or laugh-lines more noticeable. So you do the restylane or whatever and then you realize your skin just isn't the texture it used to be. So then you're haunting your derm's office for microdermabrasion on your face, which makes you realize the skin on your neck isn't great. You deal with that, then you have to face the fact that the tanning in your 20's (and 30's?) left you with sun damage on your chest. And while you're down there, "the girls" just aren't perky like they were before you had kids. So you do the boobs (for the first time - you will need a refill later) and it makes you wish your butt measured up, and what's up with that cellulite? And what about that little pooch you've had since the first kid? Tummy tuck isn't such a big deal, right? And now that you're scrutinizing your body this carefully, you might start noticing the veins on your thighs or calves, the fact that the skin on your knees isn't tight anymore...

Let's face it, ladies, we're getting older. And I'll be honest - it hit me the other day that in a few years, I'll be 40. 40 scares me. There's nothing wrong with 40 and I know plenty of 40+ women who look awesome (and are awesome) but it still scares me. I'm hoping to continue aging gracefully, though. (sans Botox, Restylane, plastic surgery...) I love Hollywood stars that seem to be aging gracefully (Helen Mirren comes to mind); Meg Ryan's new face scares the bejeebers out of me. she was so pretty before!

[Anonymous]

md forte moms: do you then also have to use a stronger sunscreen if you use these products?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:md forte moms: do you then also have to use a stronger sunscreen if you use these products?

I am using DDF sunscreen (SPF 30):

http://www.skinstore.com/p-7198-ddf-enhancing-sun-protection.aspx

[Anonymous]

Check this out before you buy:

http://safecosmetics.org/your_health/alittleprettier.cfm

Skin that's aging naturally is a lot prettier than cancer.

[Anonymous]

Nice try. But nothing in the article has anything to do with MD Forte.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm going through a bit of a mid-life crisis! I can't afford Botox or anything of that nature and DH is completely opposed to it anyway. And yet I find myself scrutinizing all of the changes in my body/skin, particularly in the last four years since I've been at home with the kids (I just turned 38). I guess I don't have the best self-esteem and perhaps I've always relied on my looks a bit because I haven't been as confident about what's underneath, if that makes any sense. And now that I'm out of the work force and thus out of the professional/intellectual/cultural loop, I feel like without my looks I'm nothing. DH tells me that this is all my self-perception and not grounded in reality... that I just need to exercise, stay fit and healthy and appreciate each day, and of course he's absolutely right!! He also said that I need to focus on strengthening my emotional/spiritual core and not waste energy on this bologna. It seems like aging is treated as a disease that needs to be battled to the end, at least in our culture, and I guess I've internalized this. How to STOP??

First, it's wonderful your DH is so supportive. His advice is 100% right. My DH gives me the same advice. Of course, easier said than done!

Ditto exercise is the best thing you can do for yourself, and a good healthy diet.

I've thought about surgery and Botox (on a really bad day), but rejected both not because of the expense, but because I don't think either is worth the risk. And I very much distrust cosmetics and creams, not matter how well they work. I had a breast cancer scare that convinced me to eliminate chemicals from my body, diet, and household. So I only use simple, natural products, and my skin looks fine.

I had a recent epiphany when looking at pictures on the Internet of the best- and worst-dressed women of 2008. Some of them are so spectacular looking that they would look great in rags. But a lot of them don't actually look much better than I do. Even much younger women have more lines that I, with sun-damage, ugly-looking botox freeze or surgery stretch. The difference is that they take care of themselves. They dress carefully and look confident, even radiant. I wear mommy duds, look and feel tired.

Women rely on their looks to feed their self-esteem. We get used to those smiles and looks from men that tell us we look good and they like it. It gives us confidence and makes us feel worthwhile. But when we start looking tired and old, those looks and smiles stop. Happily married or not, that attention from men feeds us, and when it disappears, it makes us feel less valuable. My DH says he loves my looks, so that has not changed, but the external world no longer appreciates my looks, and that's a loss for me.

OP, my advice is to stop looking in the mirror. Grieve the past. Your old self is gone. Focus on staying healthy for your children. I've been forcing myself to shed my dowdy mommy clothes and put myself together so I look as good as I can (without chemicals or surgery). When I feared I had breast cancer (false alarm), all I could think about was that I didn't want to die and leave my children. They don't care what I look like, only that I'm alive and healthy. They love me wrinkles, lines, bad hair and all. That's what really matters.


Wonderful post, thank you.