DD failed some college classes last semester. What do we do as parents?

[Anonymous]

DD just told me she failed classes in an expensive college but would not talk anymore. What should we do?

[Anonymous]

Have her take a semester off and work? Require she pay you back for all classes under a C from now on? Send her back but tell her anything under a C next semester and you are done paying? Refuse to pay until she shares why? Maybe she had some sort of problem? Require she transfer to local community college?

What type of high school did she go to? Was she a good student? Is this a huge departure for her?

[Anonymous]

She graduated from one of the best program in mcps with many AP and Sat score above 2300. Computer games, fail to seek help on the classes, and aimless are the problems. We sought a small school may help her to interact with people better but she didn't take any benefit from this school. I am scared if she will withdrew more from surrounding. Maybe ask her to stay home for the next semester? Will school only listen to the student?

[Anonymous]

Is she paying for it or are you?

If you are, you can tie the $ to being able to see the grades. You can tie the $ to the grades. You can say, "We will not be paying in advance for anymore classes, but we will reimburse you for any class you take where you get s B or higher."

You tell her that you love her and she is welcome to come home are regroup if she needs it. Some kids need an extra year or two to mature and/or recover from the intense AP pressure cooker culture in this area.

[Anonymous]

If a student fails multiple classes in college, it usually has nothing with their intelligence, preparation, or ability to do the work. It is usually due to excessive partying and/or depression. You should schedule a meeting with your daughter's academic dean so that she can get on their radar (if she isn't already). The advisor can meet with her periodically during the semester to track her progress. It might just be that she had too much freedom at once, and she might need to connect with someone on campus. If the poor work continues this semester, the school will likely put her on a forced leave next year to deal with whatever issues she is dealing with outside the classroom.

[Anonymous]

I wrote about possible mental health problems in the other thread where you posted but with the additional information you posted here it sounds like a mental health problem. She sounds isolated, socially, and it doesn't sound like a new problem, but now she sounds depressed. I wouldn't assume its willful or that she can just pull herself out of it. A professional evaluation and intervention sounds like its called for?

When you say you were hoping a small school would help her interact with people -- is social isolation a longstanding issue? In which case you might be looking at a developmental issue. I know that kids wtith Aspergers can sometimes do very well until they get to college where the demands increase.

Set up an appointment with a good psychiatrist and bring her home for it. Be gentle about it with her.

[Anonymous]

I agree with posters about possible mental health problems. The transition to college is huge and it sounds like she is prone to isolating herself with video games. The pressure kids have now in HS and the lack of freedom to get in/out of trouble and learn how to do it successfully in HS has led to many kids being unable to cope with college challenges. Maybe some therapy and a job/gap year are in order. Never forget that her mental health and happiness trump any rushing through college. Many kids have NO idea what they want to be or do - I personally think working anywhere for a year helps narrow it down for them and also can motivate them on to other things. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for suggestion. I will to schedule an appointment for her this morning. A psychologist or psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

Psychiatrist. They can prescribe drugs. If your DD has depression or ADHD or other issues she may need medication. Also call the school. You probably want to keep her home this semester - it's either not a good fit period or not a good fit right now. She can take some classes at Montgomery College while she figures things out.

[Anonymous]

Do the answers "pull her out" or "take a semester off" apply if they've signed a housing agreement that they (you) are responsible for the full year regardless of student living there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the answers "pull her out" or "take a semester off" apply if they've signed a housing agreement that they (you) are responsible for the full year regardless of student living there?

Room and board costs are tiny compared to tuition. At least save your tuition $ and be able to supervise your DD. Not sure I understand why you would be reluctant to do this. Sending her back and failing is not only a waste of money but potentially sets her up for long term failure.

[Anonymous]

While a psychiatrist can prescribe drugs, they have no interaction with a therapist/psychologist and both will be useful for your daughter. Drugs can help (but beware of the tremendous side effects and higher risk of suicide in young adults) but it's the combo that seems to work best for people. I come from a family that has seen such mental health problems come to fruition at the same age as your daughter. You must also observe her closely to make sure she hasn't developed a drug or alcohol addiction these past few months.

[Anonymous]

PP here, regarding commitments to pay. Scour the paperwork and see if there are any possible outs. Get paperwork from drs that she is not to return. Whatever you do, pull her for at least a semester to figure out what's wrong - that school may not be the place for her. Believe me, it's worth losing the money and having a kid who's alive and functioning than the other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While a psychiatrist can prescribe drugs, they have no interaction with a therapist/psychologist and both will be useful for your daughter. Drugs can help (but beware of the tremendous side effects and higher risk of suicide in young adults) but it's the combo that seems to work best for people. I come from a family that has seen such mental health problems come to fruition at the same age as your daughter. You must also observe her closely to make sure she hasn't developed a drug or alcohol addiction these past few months.

My DC sees a psychiatrist who prescribes ADHD medication but primarily provides counseling.

[Anonymous]

There is counseling on the college campus. I would look into that and I would have her take a lighter load, unless everybody agrees that taking a semester off is a good idea or she wants to change schools.