non judgmental OB (I've had an abortion) interested in natural childbirth

[Anonymous]

People who believe I've been immoral need not reply -- I'm looking for support here.

I had an abortion about 10 years ago, when I was 20 years old. I am 30 now and pregnant. This was not planned but I'm married, we're excited, and we're determined to make this one work. My previous OB retired a couple of years ago and my GP has been doing my paps and such. Now that I'm pregnant, I need an actual OB but I'm nervous about having to get a new one and then admit I've had an abortion. My GP has confirmed that I am pregnant and has recommended a few OB's. I didn't ask her which ones were likely to disprove of my former decision, but I've found myself wondering if they will be judgmental.

This is not my only factor in choosing an OB, of course. I also want one who will support a birth plan that includes some moving around and changing positions if I need to during labor, low interventions (I really don't want to be induced, and don't want an amniotomy), should be respectful about my decisions to decline genetic testing (due to my age I don't think this will be an issue, but you never know), but I also want the option of pain medication (up to and including an epidural) if the time comes and I feel I need it. I am only 5 weeks along, so I have a few weeks to figure all of this out. In the meantime, my GP, who is great, has recommended a few doctors. NONE of these doctors will allow me to do a consult or interview, however -- they all just want me to come in. (To me, that's shocking, but I guess that's the way it goes -- in worst case I can switch after i see them but don't want to go through all the basics again).

These are the doctors:

1. Dr. Larson (larsen?) of GW (Although i don't really want to deliver at GW and he also seems sort of egotistical to me)
2. Cap Womens Care (Dr. Bajaj in particular, she seems nice but some people on here seem to think she's not that great and a friend of mine said a few of the docs there are rude and you never know who you'll have)
3. Dr. Bridges (close to my house but some of the comments on here were not good)
4. Dr. DeSouza (only a few people have commented on him but they liked him -- also I like the idea of a smaller practice)
5. Foxhall OB group

I am leaning towards Dr. DeSouza. I've set up an appointment with him for January. Anyone think he might be a good option? Anyone willing to share if they've had an abortion previously and how the doc handled that info?

Sorry for the weird and extremely personal nature of this Q. I don't want to overreact -- my abortion wasn't an easy decision but it's ancient history now. Still, I'm not exactly looking forward to talking about it and yet know it might be relevant.

[Anonymous]

Dr. Bridges would never judge you. Plus, your situation is not uncommon! I had one and no one ever asked me a single question beyond how many times have you been pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Yeah - I know this is a concern, but I really don't think that any doctor will ask you much about it. Good luck in your search.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, no MD in D.C. cares about your abortion.

so please focus on the rest of your priorities. good luck

[Anonymous]

I went to 3 OBs in the area when I was shopping around and not a single one of them had anything to say about my choice in the past. You should be fine.

[Anonymous]

I really like Dr. Larsen (and I really liked delivering at GW, and found them to be extremely low-pressure, I had to ask for drugs, they didn't break my water even though my labor was long and slow, they encouraged a vaginal birth even when I asked for a c-section) and I cannot imagine him (or any of the other MFA doctors I've seen) making you feel a bit uncomfortable. GW MFA is a large, diverse urban practice -- they've seen it all already, I'm sure, and they are very professional. I doubt one abortion ten years ago is anything to them.

[Anonymous]

I have been to two OBs in VA for 3 pregnancies (1 DD, 1 miscarriage, 1 in process). They never got into abortion questions - just asked how many times I had been pregnant. It was surprising to me, but they categorize miscarriages (medical term spontaneous abortion) and elective abortions in the same box.

I wish you the best! I know the decision you made must have been hard, but it is wonderful that you are in a place to welcome a baby into your life now!

[Anonymous]

I had two abortions when I was younger. Didn't want to have either of them, of course, but it was the best thing at the time. I was surprised that even my best friend, who is adamantly pro-choice, was like, "one abortion is an accident, two is careless." Like you, I was nervous to go to an OB when we were actually trying to get pregnant with this (planned) baby, but I only admitted to one abortion on the questionaire. I guess I keep thinking that the doctor will think I'm some heartless aborter when in fact there was nothing more shocking, distressing, or upsetting to me to find that my birth control had failed once again. (Both times were on the pill -- first time around I thought it was because I'd used antibiotics, second time around it just happened -- nothing to do with antibiotics or missing doses or anything -- guess I fell into the 1 percent of women it doesn't work for). Anyway, both decisions to abort were heart-wrenching ones, but I didn't want to get into it with the doc so I just put one pregnancy, ended in termination.
I'm not sure if it makes a difference or not - so far it hasn't for me. Not sure if this helps. I go to a doc in northern virginia, not any of the ones listed.

[Anonymous]

I've had an abortion and was completely honest when filling out all the forms. Not once did any doctor at Capitol Women's Care ask me a single question about it. Seriously, unless you go to a Catholic medical service, they really don't care. And having an abortion in no way impacts your ability to carry a pregnancy to term (unless you were injured by the procedure or contracted an infection afterwards).

[Anonymous]

I also had an abortion when I was younger, and I LOVE dr. bridges. all he asked was how many times I've been pregnant. nothign else.

good luck.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar background, and I am using Capital Women's Care in Silver Spring...my main OB is Dr. Ein, but everyone I have met in the practice has been great and non-judgemental.

[Anonymous]

i am also a patient of dr. bridges and i can't imagine that he would ever judge you based on your decision to have an abortion. he's just not that kind of person. and as one of the PPs said, i can't imagine that your situation is that uncommon.

in fact i really can't imagine any OB passing judgment on you for having an abortion ... it smacks of an ethical violation to me.

[Anonymous]

Dr. DeSouza may have been the least judgmental person I have encountered in my life. He was wonderful and very supportive of natural birth, actually encouraging me to be open-minded about a natural birth. I loved his small office and was very happy to work with a solo-practitioner. I felt very comfortable with him by the time of my delivery.

[Anonymous]

Please do not flame me...this is what I know from my experiences. Dr's who are very against abortion will APPEAR nonjudgmental. This is how they would define PROFESSIONALISM. In fact, they are people who have very strong opinions in this area. Do they turn off all that emotion just because you are telling them you had an abortion (after all, they make their living delivering babies)? If you peel away the layers of these ob's, you will find their kind words are defending their image, and maybe yours (why does all this need defending?).

My advice is DON'T TELL THEM. This was brought up on another thread. Opinions varied. However, I had one abortion and have since given birth to 3 children. Not one of my dr's knew. I am at peace with all my decisions. Feel free to "disagree", but keep in mind what my reality was.

[Anonymous]

To the PP. I can understand your not wanting to tell them, and you really don't have to, except in some cases, such as mine. I am RH- and it is important that they knew this, should my baby be exposed to my blood before the Rhogam shot I had to get at 26-28 weeks (got it yesterday). In all other circumstances, I would encourage people to say whatever makes them comfortable; however I would hope that you can find a doctor that allows you to feel comfortable revealing your ENTIRE medical history.