non judgmental OB (I've had an abortion) interested in natural childbirth

[Anonymous]

To the PP who didn't tell her doctor -- if they appear nonjudgmental and professional, who cares if they are secretly judging? OP will never know. As long as they make her feel comfortable, isn't that what's important? It would be awfully hard to go through life assuming that even though people appear nice and nonjudgmental, that they are secretly judging you and therefore you have to keep things from them (especially in the case of medical information to a doctor). I mean, you might be right, but I guess my point is... what does it matter? If they are anti-abortion but are able to still act and appear professional and nonjudgmental, then what does it matter?

[Anonymous]

I have had 2 different OBs (one at a "catholic hospital") and NEITHER batted an eye when I discussed my first pregnancy at 19 and the subsquent termination. It IS important to tell your doctors ... like a previous poster, I am RH negative and it was important to know that I did receive Rhogam at the time of the termination.

[Anonymous]

Hello and thank you all for your candid replies. I am in fact RH negative blood type, husband is positive blood type, so this will be a factor. The RH factor alone makes me feel it is best to tell. I did have a shot directly after I terminated, but I assume it's still relevant. Also, friend of mine who is a nicu nurse (not exactly direct involvement, but pretty close) told me that doctors can tell that if you have been pregnant before anyway. Not sure if this is true, but I think it would be more embarrassing to try and cover it up. I'm fine with the choice I made, but just wanted to basically avoid doctor who might have really strong feelings on the issue to avoid any potential conflicts all around.

Again, really appreciate all of the helpful and supportive replies.

[Anonymous]

OP, so many women have had an abortion these days. Health care professionals WILL NOT give you a hard time about this. My guess is that the PP who thinks her doctor was judging her, was revealing her own discomfort with the situation. I for one am staunchly pro-life, yet I work with pregnant women and know their medical history and am nothing but kind and sympathetic with them.

[Anonymous]

I worried needlessly about being asked the abortion question in front of my husband. Don't worry about it, enjoy this new chapter in your life.

[Anonymous]

Ah PP thanks for bringing the subject of spouse up. I was in the situtation where my spouse did not know about the abortion I had in college (in fact, the only person that knew was the jack-ass ex boyfriend involved). In any event my spouse didn't hear about in the office. It was actually me who told him later in the pregnancy or maybe it was even afterwards. I commented on my prenatal paperwork the previous pregnancy, the outcome, wrote that I received Rhogram, etc. My OB didn't even mention it in ANY of my appointments.

[Anonymous]

I've seen Dr. DeSouza as my GYN for years and, while I haven't had an abortion, I do have an STD and I felt like he never judged me for what I considered a poor choice and provided me excellent care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to 3 OBs in the area when I was shopping around and not a single one of them had anything to say about my choice in the past. You should be fine.

Same here. No one has ever said a word about it.

[Anonymous]

I want to express my condolences for your choice years ago, and congrats for the new life you're now welcoming. I can't imagine how I would deal with the situation, having never had an abortion and I hope everything goes safely. Yet, to add to the fruitful discussion, I would like to point out that a doctor who may seem "judgemental" might in fact be more sensitive or supportive. If abortions are anything like miscarriages, for many women it can be a sad and difficult time and many would simply appreciate recognition of that. To me, doctors who treat abortion on the same level as taking prenatal vitamins or 'when your last period?' are also making a "judgement." Are there not serious psychological implications involved to a woman and her family? Doctors are human too and to ask them to not have any feelings for you or what you may have gone through from a tramatic (or maybe not tramatic but probably difficult decision) is not fair of us. Being pregnant, I sometimes think its odd that more people don't say congratulations to me - I want to celebrate this life-changing event. Doctors do a worse service to women by not having any resources for those who've had abortions and may not be feeling as confident, unaffected/or reconciled as many on this forum seem. Some of our sisters may be hurting and may not be able to tell anyone except their doctors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello and thank you all for your candid replies. I am in fact RH negative blood type, husband is positive blood type, so this will be a factor. The RH factor alone makes me feel it is best to tell. I did have a shot directly after I terminated, but I assume it's still relevant. Also, friend of mine who is a nicu nurse (not exactly direct involvement, but pretty close) told me that doctors can tell that if you have been pregnant before anyway. Not sure if this is true, but I think it would be more embarrassing to try and cover it up. I'm fine with the choice I made, but just wanted to basically avoid doctor who might have really strong feelings on the issue to avoid any potential conflicts all around.

Again, really appreciate all of the helpful and supportive replies.

I'm rh negative and my husband is positive both of our children are rh neg. I had my abortion about 30 years ago, the physician gave me the talk about my rh neg status. It was so long ago, but remember receiving a rhogam shot or the equivalent. Ten years after I had my abortion, at my first prenatal visit, my ob never asked about any previous abortion history aloud (the question was on the form) nor did he say that I can tell you have been pregnant before. At seven months, you'll receive a rhogam shot.

[Anonymous]

Just another thought. How much do you want in your medical file? If you are ever in a court case that involves your health or health care, your records could be put in the trial. Do you want this to be public record? I had an abortion in college. It was a hard and emotional decision. I am now having my 1st baby and went to Dr. Anderson's office and then switched to Physicans and Midwives both had forms that asked about the numbers of times you were preganant, How many live births. How many abortions etc. I left the slot blank. When I was asked about it, I said I dont want it in my medical file but yes I did have a non-surgical abortion. Neither practice batted an eye and when I requested my records -- it was not written in the files.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to express my condolences for your choice years ago, and congrats for the new life you're now welcoming. I can't imagine how I would deal with the situation, having never had an abortion and I hope everything goes safely. Yet, to add to the fruitful discussion, I would like to point out that a doctor who may seem "judgemental" might in fact be more sensitive or supportive. If abortions are anything like miscarriages, for many women it can be a sad and difficult time and many would simply appreciate recognition of that. To me, doctors who treat abortion on the same level as taking prenatal vitamins or 'when your last period?' are also making a "judgement." Are there not serious psychological implications involved to a woman and her family? Doctors are human too and to ask them to not have any feelings for you or what you may have gone through from a tramatic (or maybe not tramatic but probably difficult decision) is not fair of us. Being pregnant, I sometimes think its odd that more people don't say congratulations to me - I want to celebrate this life-changing event. Doctors do a worse service to women by not having any resources for those who've had abortions and may not be feeling as confident, unaffected/or reconciled as many on this forum seem. Some of our sisters may be hurting and may not be able to tell anyone except their doctors.

OP here... Thanks for what I think are well-intentioned thoughts, but I'm not really looking for condolences for my past choice. It was the right choice for me at the time and it wasn't traumatic then or now. It's remarkable how differently I feel about this baby-to-be than I felt about the pregnancy I had in college. Worlds apart.

I don't want to pick on your message, but I also don't want my post to somehow be misinterpreted as some kind of evidence of buyer's remorse over an abortion choice. I believe it would be inappropriate and intrusive for my OB to offer unwanted "counseling" about a personal choice made a decade before and I think you'd be hard pressed to find many women who have terminated pregnancies tell you they'd welcome a doctor asking them, 15 years later, how they were "feeling" about their past choice.

In retrospect, I realize I was silly to think that any doctor around here would think twice about the abortion I had years ago. I grew up in the South, however, where many doctors and even some OB's have successfully claimed religious objection to avoid learning abortion techniques in med school. Maybe PP is right, and they have a right to their own feelings about the issue, but I'll pass on those doctors in favor of a doctor who wouldn't inject his feelings about a moral issue into my health care.

Thanks for all of the help -- I've now selected my OB and am, as a PP suggested, focusing on my other, more important priorities.

[Anonymous]

Lying to your OB makes about as much sense as lying to your psychiatrist.

Dr. Bridges would never judge a woman for having an abortion. He pushes for lots of genetic testing, and for amnio as well. He fully supports a woman's right to abort even at 18 weeks if the results show serious abnormalities.

I think some doctors do, and I would try to stay away from them. I've also heard good things about DeSouza, and can't imagine anyone at the Foxhall group giving a rat's ass about an abortion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to express my condolences for your choice years ago,

Who the fuck are you to express condolences for the choice she made years ago? Does she seem sad or in need of condolence? Asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to express my condolences for your choice years ago, and congrats for the new life you're now welcoming. I can't imagine how I would deal with the situation, having never had an abortion and I hope everything goes safely. Yet, to add to the fruitful discussion, I would like to point out that a doctor who may seem "judgemental" might in fact be more sensitive or supportive. If abortions are anything like miscarriages, for many women it can be a sad and difficult time and many would simply appreciate recognition of that. To me, doctors who treat abortion on the same level as taking prenatal vitamins or 'when your last period?' are also making a "judgement." Are there not serious psychological implications involved to a woman and her family? Doctors are human too and to ask them to not have any feelings for you or what you may have gone through from a tramatic (or maybe not tramatic but probably difficult decision) is not fair of us. Being pregnant, I sometimes think its odd that more people don't say congratulations to me - I want to celebrate this life-changing event. Doctors do a worse service to women by not having any resources for those who've had abortions and may not be feeling as confident, unaffected/or reconciled as many on this forum seem. Some of our sisters may be hurting and may not be able to tell anyone except their doctors.

OP here... Thanks for what I think are well-intentioned thoughts, but I'm not really looking for condolences for my past choice. It was the right choice for me at the time and it wasn't traumatic then or now. It's remarkable how differently I feel about this baby-to-be than I felt about the pregnancy I had in college. Worlds apart.

I don't want to pick on your message, but I also don't want my post to somehow be misinterpreted as some kind of evidence of buyer's remorse over an abortion choice. I believe it would be inappropriate and intrusive for my OB to offer unwanted "counseling" about a personal choice made a decade before and I think you'd be hard pressed to find many women who have terminated pregnancies tell you they'd welcome a doctor asking them, 15 years later, how they were "feeling" about their past choice.

In retrospect, I realize I was silly to think that any doctor around here would think twice about the abortion I had years ago. I grew up in the South, however, where many doctors and even some OB's have successfully claimed religious objection to avoid learning abortion techniques in med school. Maybe PP is right, and they have a right to their own feelings about the issue, but I'll pass on those doctors in favor of a doctor who wouldn't inject his feelings about a moral issue into my health care.

Thanks for all of the help -- I've now selected my OB and am, as a PP suggested, focusing on my other, more important priorities.

Well put.