Would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

I'm not hugely annoyed but more frustrated annoyed. Put me in check if I'm in the wrong to be mildly miffed by this. Oldest child is turning 9 years old. Sister in law lives out of state. She has two kids, for whom we get generous presents (off their requested list of items) well in advance of the birthdays. If we are in town 2 months before the bdays, we buy and deliver then; if not, then we buy in advance and ship before bdays. She bought nothing for either of my kids until 2 years ago. Since then she has remembered oldest child's bday 2x (this year will be the third) and youngest child's once. For those combined 3 presents, she buys them off Amazon, ships them to herself and then waits until her mother comes to visit us to bring them (which is anywhere from imminently to 6 months later). The presents are never wrapped. For oldest child (turning 9) she asked what he wanted 3 weeks ago. I gave her two ideas, both $20 or less. (We spend $50 on her kids so I felt that $20 was a reasonable price range). She has Amazon prime so shipping was free. She emailed 2 days ago saying she bought my older child x-present and had it shipped to us. Then this morning she emails and says she bought them but went ahead and had them shipped to herself instead.

I'm a little annoyed since shipping is free and she isn't gift wrapping them anyway. Why wouldn't she mail the present right to us? Why did she say two days ago she had the gift shipped to us and then today said it was shipped to her? Mother in law won't be coming now until July 4th week. Why would she ask her mother in law to pack and carry presents with her from a birthday that was 7 months before...when no one wants to carry extra stuff on a plane? So I'm slightly annoyed...and can't understand her thinking. Trust me, this isn't eating me up - just wondering if I should be bothered in the least?

[Anonymous]

"Hey sis, why not just ship them right to us?"

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness, you love drama.

[Anonymous]

This is what's wrong with exchanging gifts. It gets people all worked up for no good reason. Unless your children are crying daily, just explain to them their aunt isn't always the best at being on time with presents, but they'll eventually come, and it'll be a nice surprise when they do.

If your MIL is bothered by this, she can say something or you can say something for her I suppose. But otherwise, what's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Hey sis, why not just ship them right to us?"

I specifically asked this. My mother in law is 69 years old. She doesn't check a bag. Why the heck would she want to carry on the plane presents? It bothers me most of all because she asks her mother to do this. It isn't a drama thing. I can't understand when shipping is free why she wouldn't ship them here rather than ask someone to hand carry them?!?!

[Anonymous]

Nope, no need to be bothered! Aunts & uncles are not required or obliged to sent birthday gifts. A call is nice but gifts are not necessary, especially if they live out of town. It's nice that you do but that doesn't change the fact that it's not rude not to.

[Anonymous]

Let me get this straight. Your SIL purchased gifts for your kids, and you are annoyed because she doesn't get them to you quickly? Wow. You should be thankful she buys them anything. My SIL has never once in 14 years purchased a gift for my kid's birthdays. I would be tickled even if one came 6 mo. late. Maybe she want MIL to give the gifts to the kids so that MIL can tell her how they reacted to the gifts. Are you bad at sending thank you cards? Maybe she wants to make sure you got them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what's wrong with exchanging gifts. It gets people all worked up for no good reason. Unless your children are crying daily, just explain to them their aunt isn't always the best at being on time with presents, but they'll eventually come, and it'll be a nice surprise when they do.

If your MIL is bothered by this, she can say something or you can say something for her I suppose. But otherwise, what's the big deal?

I could care less if my kids get a gift on time or 12 months late. I care most about the position my mother in law is in. She arrives and says things like, "my bag was heavy" or "I don't have many clothes because I had to carry the presents from X" I don't say anything but feel awkward about it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds just like my SIL. She is like this with everyone - no matter the age or where you live. It got to the point that we sent an email saying we were no longer exchanging gifts with the adults. I'd really like to do the same with kids.

It is frustrating. I get it. Just know, though, that your kids will know how their aunt is without you having to say a word.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you are still buying her kids presents. It really sounds to me like she'd prefer not to bother with it.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL bringing the gifts is on her, she can tell your SIL no - so you can't be annoyed if she isn't.

Shipping to herself instead of you - Does seem odd but maybe she forgot to change the address before completing the sale.

Gifts coming 6 months late - kids don't care when they get a gift.

Not regularly giving gifts or at a much lower price point? If that bothers you, give less expensive gifts to her kids next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me get this straight. Your SIL purchased gifts for your kids, and you are annoyed because she doesn't get them to you quickly? Wow. You should be thankful she buys them anything. My SIL has never once in 14 years purchased a gift for my kid's birthdays. I would be tickled even if one came 6 mo. late. Maybe she want MIL to give the gifts to the kids so that MIL can tell her how they reacted to the gifts. Are you bad at sending thank you cards? Maybe she wants to make sure you got them.

Uh - again, it is NOT about the presents on time - it is about burdening my mother in law. I don't feel it is my place to say something to my mother in law or sister in law, but feel weird that my mother in law is clearly annoyed to carry these gifts. Since it is my husband's sister, should he say something to her like, "Mom shouldn't be put in the position of having to carry these gifts in her carry on. S he doesn't like to check a bag so she is squeezing a week's worth of stuff into a small suitcase that is filled with presents. Could you ship them here?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I could care less if my kids get a gift on time or 12 months late. I care most about the position my mother in law is in. She arrives and says things like, "my bag was heavy" or "I don't have many clothes because I had to carry the presents from X" I don't say anything but feel awkward about it.

You are internalizing someone else's problems, tell MIL, "I don't know why SIL won't ship them. Next time tell her you don't have room."

[Anonymous]

100% of the time my kids write a thank you note within a day of opening a gift. So this is not the issue. I can't get why you would burden your mother with this - just seems so odd to me. In my family we'd call each other out on something like this but my husband's family just tip toes around things sometimes. Odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Uh - again, it is NOT about the presents on time - it is about burdening my mother in law. I don't feel it is my place to say something to my mother in law or sister in law, but feel weird that my mother in law is clearly annoyed to carry these gifts. Since it is my husband's sister, should he say something to her like, "Mom shouldn't be put in the position of having to carry these gifts in her carry on. S he doesn't like to check a bag so she is squeezing a week's worth of stuff into a small suitcase that is filled with presents. Could you ship them here?"

Again, you are making your MIL's problems your problems. They aren't. She is a grown woman, if it is an issue she should deal with it.