The Ex is crazy and is driving us completely apart!
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Anonymous
| Here it goes. Recently moved in with bf after several months of dating, we both have children from previous relationships. He had not told the ex that we were in a relationship before moving in and then she finds out through the kids that we moved in together, hell broke loose. Now she claims to be pregnant with his child, math would make it that she's due in the next couple of months, since they fooled around before we began dating. She calls him crying asking him to take her back, he keeps taking her calls and i've told him how i feel disrespected. He keeps turning it back on him saying how do i think he feels going through all of this. I've hit my breaking point, but we literally just moved in and signed a 12 month lease, where do we even go from here, neither of us could afford this home on our own. I walked in on a conversation he was having with her and i just lost it and told him lets tell her the truth about it all, and obviously she heard the converstion and now claims she's not letting the kids come over until there's a home study because we have problems in the home. He's staying in the basement in the meantime, claims we are done because i walked in on the conversation and blew up. I've told him how I felt and how this whole situation is making me act out of my character and how am i supposed to react. I don't know which direction to go to, he basically says i fucked it all up and that bc of my feelings he has his back against the wall concerning his kids, that i've brought more harm to the situation than help or assitance, unnecessary harm he calls it. I am just lost in what direction I am supposed to go in, any advice is greatly appreciated. |
Anonymous
| I feel for the kids in this situation. Get help so that your kids aren't in these chaotic and unstable situations. Try a parenting course or see a social worker. |
Anonymous
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Oh, OP. You really have to ask for advice? Reread your post, pretend that your dearest friend in the world wrote it, think about how pathetic it all sounds for all involved (innocent children, especially) and act accordingly.
But since you did specifically ask for advice: Notice how many times in your post you write about "feelings" and subesquent actions based on those. You, he and her all seem guilty of that. Major sign of immaturity, which is what has created this mess. You know what to do. Get you and your kids out of there. Go home to your parents, or whatever it takes. Buy him out of the lease. And STOP STOP STOP dating around, moving in with boyfriends "of several months" and focus on raising your children. |
Anonymous
| To the last post, I was single for 2 years before getting into this serious relationship, prior to that I was with the father of my child for over 7 years, so please do not judge without knowing. |
Anonymous
My math tells me, you met him, barely knew him and decided to shack up with him. Anyone who uses the phrase "he disrespected me", instantly makes me roll my eyes. If you couldn't afford the rent, you shouldn't have moved in. You don't have a permanent relationship and either of you could have been left with having to pay the remainder of the lease. Grow up. Be an adult. Don't subject your kids to this kind of nonsense so they don't grow up believing this is a good way to live. |
Anonymous
| Oh man, when I read your first line -- moved in after only a matter if months, both with kids from prior relationships, I felt for you because this DCUM community has zero tolerance for that and will rip you a new a-hole. |
Anonymous
Get out. Pay whatever money you have to pay to get off the lease. No one is judging you. Just advising you that with kids, you have to take things REALLY slow as in even slower than "I was single for 2 years..." It's about moving in, mixing money and setting up house. When you have kids, you only move in when there's a ring on your finger. Not a promise or a hint of a ring, but an actual ring and an actual date. You got into this mess, and you'll get out. Whether you make the same mistake again is up to you. |
Anonymous
| He's just not that into you. |
Anonymous
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Just to add, you seriously, seriously, seriously jumped the gun moving in together so soon. If his ex is truly pregnant he has to deal with it. You have all behaved like children from the get-go and the solution is to take 100 steps back and find a different living situation for yourself and your kids.
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Anonymous
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Break the lease, break up, and get into therapy. Seriously. The ex isn't breaking you up. This relationship is a disaster and it was a HUGE mistake to move in with someone so soon.
It doesn't matter that you were single for two years. You can't just shack up with some guy you've been dating for a few months who is still involved with the mother of his children!!!!! At the very least, you need to go through at least a full cake sat year of being in a committed, monogamous relationship - all four seasons, all major holidays - before you even consider setting up home with your CHILDREN with another man!!! This is not fixable. Just break the lease today and find a place you can afford by yourself. |
Anonymous
| *calendar year! A full calendar year. (Autocorrect sucks.) |
Anonymous
Honey, you asked us to "judge." You asked for advice. Believe me, you're going to get it here. I just hope it has some impact. I just really, really, really feel for your kids, who are watching every bit of this and thinking this is the normal way to live and love. So, so sad. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Damn straight. And we know what we're talking about. |
Anonymous
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The problem isn't the ex.
The problem is that you think the ex is the problem and don't see the actual problems. The ex doesn't sound crazy. Most people would react in this scenario. The ex isn't driving you apart. |