being alone again as an older woman

[Anonymous]

My DH and kids stayed at my MILs through New Year's, I had to come home earlier. This is the first weeklong period I've had away from them, at home in several years. It made me think about what it's like living alone, as a woman. I had two grandmothers who spent most of their lives as widows--one lived for 60 years after her husband died, the other for 35. My MIL has also been widowed for almost 20 years. My DH is several years older than me and it just sort of suddenly occurred to me that I could and probably will be alone again, for a significant stretch of my life. I'm not really sure how to prepare for this. I of course hope that doesn't happen and want to live in the here and now, but I realized I rarely socialize and, if my boys, who will be leaving for college in a few years, don't stay in the area after they go to school and grow up, and if my husband isn't around, this could become a really lonely existence really quickly.

Have any of you thought of this and what you might do to structure your life so you can still live fully even if you find yourself on your own again in your old age? It's pretty scary. I now really respect my relatives who are living this way and my grandmothers, who both passed. It takes guts to keep chipper and busy on your own, I think I'd become a weird hermit who talked to herself.

[Anonymous]

It is interesting to me that this just now occurred to you.

I am unmarried and childless. Many women ditch their single childless friends when they get married and have kids. I wonder if that comes back to haunt them when their kids leave the nest and the husbands die or divorce them.

[Anonymous]

Except for society's safety net for older men, I would think it must be harder for older single men at least in the past. Their wives stayed at home and were usually the one with all the social connections and were used to being out of the workforce. So a suddenly older man who was retired might be pretty lonely and lost without a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Except for society's safety net for older men, I would think it must be harder for older single men at least in the past. Their wives stayed at home and were usually the one with all the social connections and were used to being out of the workforce. So a suddenly older man who was retired might be pretty lonely and lost without a job.

Except older men have an easier time finding a female companion than vice versa

[Anonymous]

Just because you're alone doesn't mean you'll be lonely. You can always find someone to talk to. I would never date or remarry. ONE AND DONE.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I made a pact many years ago that when/if this happens to us we will live together. I told a friend about it - who lives distantly but with whom i keep up - and she said she's in - in fact, we could do it at her place (where she's lived alone since her divorce 20 years ago). That's my plan. Both ladies live in very nice places.

My mother has lived alone since I moved out 25+ years ago. I couldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

My friends and sisters and I have planned for this. We've agreed we're going to go back to our 20's, and all live in the same building, two to an apartment, we're each going to have a dog, and we're going to have a BLAST!

[Anonymous]

Travel the world with my best girlfriends! Can't fathom getting married again.

[Anonymous]

I figure that one or more of my three good friends or my sister will be also widowed by then, so we can hang out together. I wouldn't mind living with any of them, either. I also have begun cultivating more friendships with older women with empty nests who also are seeking female adult companionship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I made a pact many years ago that when/if this happens to us we will live together. I told a friend about it - who lives distantly but with whom i keep up - and she said she's in - in fact, we could do it at her place (where she's lived alone since her divorce 20 years ago). That's my plan. Both ladies live in very nice places.

Golden Girls!

OP, as your kids leave the nest, start cultivating and nurturing friendships more. Catch up with old friends, too.

I'm a super introvert, and have found the coupledom and family-raising years draining, so I think I might like living alone one day, but will work at having a network of friends.

[Anonymous]

I don't even want to think about this, yet. Dh & I are not quite 50, so it just isn't something that I do think about - in my mind we're still pretty young. And I do have visions of us spending our golden years together with visits from our kids and grandkids.

I suppose I would find women who were in a similar circumstance - either at a grief support group, maybe at some sort of 50+ social group. I don't think you can assume that you and your siblings/friends will all go through something like this together at the same time. I guess you handle it when you have to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to me that this just now occurred to you.

I am unmarried and childless. Many women ditch their single childless friends when they get married and have kids. I wonder if that comes back to haunt them when their kids leave the nest and the husbands die or divorce them.

Interesting. I found my some single childless friends didn't want to come over to our house anymore. They wanted things the way they were and were unwilling to get to know our children and barely made an effort to get to know DH. They just wanted the one on one time.

The ones the welcomed DH and my children are still in my life and we still do things together and we do things with the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

I always wanted to be like the Golden Girls when I was older. In addition, I think working (part-time) would definitely help fill any voids.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to have a family compound, with my adult kids and their families in their houses. I'd live in a little bungalow on the edge of it all.

[Anonymous]

I fantasize about this.....