MIL was nice; getting nasty in the last few years

[Anonymous]

Have you experienced this? Help! Should I just stay out of the picture? I know I have not done anything to cause it.

[Anonymous]

Can be common with aging. Can be a sign of depression. And sometimes dementia. Don't take it personally without more to go on.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids, and do you see her often? My MIL is 2 hours away and has always been hot/cold, but I have noticed that her passive-aggressiveness is more now that my kids are older. Perhaps she doesn't agree with how I'm raising them, or perhaps she's just sad that they're getting older. Who knows. I just don't put up with her bullshit anymore.

[Anonymous]

once the kids are no longer cute and fun..then Grandma realizes that she no longer has to stay on your good side because she doesn't want to spend time with them anyway. So she starts treating you like she has always wanted to. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's age, how old is she? Does she have health problems?

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a pain in my side. However, I am down to seeing her only a few times per year. This is my "busy" season. We host her for Thanksgiving. We take her out for the day around Christmas and she comes over on Christmas morning. Now I will see her maybe one time for a birthday and that will be it. She is mean when other people are around, like my parents. Which is fascinating because she says vaguely insulting things about me or to me and thinks that my parents will agree with her. It's kind of hilarious to see my gentle dad put her in her place when she starts mouthing off.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked her? "Joan, you seem upset and ticked off. Is something going on?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can be common with aging. Can be a sign of depression. And sometimes dementia. Don't take it personally without more to go on.

This happened to me when my grandmom/granddad got older. They had been so kind to me my entire life. Now I realize it was dementia.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't jump to dementia so fast - could be, but also could be other things. I personally think the MIL-DIL relationship has got to be one of the hardest in the world, and in many countries the MIL is assumed to be a witch - horrible to DIL. Seems in this country we assume everybody should just be friends.
If you think of a MIL as very invested in how she raised her children, and has strong hopes that the son's new family will put her at the center, there is so much room for disappointment and resentment. It may be the early "nice" phase before everyone is disappointed that may be the anomaly. Doesn't mean she should be nasty, but may be more normal than you think. (I was lucky, my MIL and FIL made a pact they would stay out of their son's and my business. They did this in reaction to their resentment at their own MIL's complaining and meddling. My ILs stuck to it. But I think that is really unusual.)

[Anonymous]

Can you give some examples? Any mental status or personality changes should be evaluated - could be the onset if dementia. Your post is too vague for us to get a sense if her behavior and what might be at the root of it.

[Anonymous]

Did she have an injury a few years ago for which she received pain meds? Prescription pill addiction can make someone a b$%tch.

[Anonymous]

OP Early dementia signs don't look like dementia. In my case a grandmom who had done everything for me (paid college/wedding/car)..no longer had interest in me. I was really surprised. It startued when I was pregnant with DC and I was told that her family was finished ie DC would not be accepted. She couldn't remember whether I was having a boy or girl. I was married late and am responsible so it was really weird.

[Anonymous]

She is not your mom. Have your husband deal with her.

[Anonymous]

It could be early dementia. This is how my grandmother acted. She got more and more aggressive as time passed. It's very sad watching the progression.

[Anonymous]

She should be checked for diabetes. Have her get a physical. Can look at dementia the, too.