MIL was nice; getting nasty in the last few years

[Anonymous]

Thanks PPs!

It has always been an effort to get along with her. She doesn't have any good friends, and her family has moved on. Her marriage was hostile, and she was never valued in her birth family or in her marriage.

I try to remain positive and look for her good side, as I believe everyone has one, even if it is just for appearances (sadly).

I am quite sure she is depressed, but may have some other issues as a result of how she was treated, or perceives that she was treated. She is a little on the bitter side. I'm trying to be nice here.

All I can do is be myself. I like surrounding myself with happy people, so it can be a challenge when se try to include her. Everything is about her, somehow. For example, she has a tendency to make a mundane subject (say, movies) tense. It's not like we are talking politics! She will say things like - well, I hear that (actress she doesn't identify with) is crazy (or anything negative here). I know, it sounds crazy - you kind of have to hear it to believe it.

Whenever I hear her harshly judge someone she has never met (she does it more and more), I always think "I don't know, I've never actually lived with that person, so I have no basis." It makes it worse that she is just so negative about everything, especially if she thinks we favor it. Again, it could be something totally mundane.

I do appreciate any constructive input. I am trying to be as "even keeled" as possible here. She does not get much joy out of life, and has been this way in all the years I have known her. It seems she has always been this way, sadly. I know there is depression in their family.

It gets worse if she goes to a Bingo game (for example), where everyone is b*tching about their DIL's, and she can't wait to join in. I find it odd, because I feel like I have kept it as neutral as possible.

Maybe my trying to be nice just gets me no where. We only see each other a few times per year. I just don't want my kids to pick up on it, now that they are older (I think they already have). She is 85, FWIW. Clearly she thinks someone wronged her somewhere.

[Anonymous]

OP here - sorry for the long post!

[Anonymous]

Thanks, OP, for clarifying. Sounds like you may just have to tolerate her - let it roll off like water off a duck's back. You're not in the position to change someone so bitter, and making a big effort to accommodate may just stir the pot. So minimize time spent? And try to make sure hurtful things she says to the kids doesn't hurt them.

[Anonymous]

Thanks again, PP. I guess my real question is how to deal with depressed people who hate happy people; and can't wait to try and p*ss on their parade? Maybe this is another thread.

[Anonymous]

That's my MIL: depressed, no interests, sometimes surly, and the world done her wrong. Everyone has done something bad to her in her mind. We avoid her as much as possible. She's either a real downer or mean. DH says she has been this way his entire life. Very sad.