WtF - miscarriage vent
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Anonymous
| I had a miscarriage earlier this year and was due right around now. I'm not pregnant again despite actively ttc for half a year. Happily married, successful, educated, financially secure, blah blah blah. Just saw on Facebook that my college roommate who has two older kids, is recently divorced, has been using serious drugs for the past year, barely knows the baby daddy, and is otherwise a total wreck had a baby today. I realize I should be grateful not to have her effed up life but all I keep thinking is where is the justice in the universe if she is now a mother of three and I am having such a hard time having a baby. How do I get past these feelings?? |
Anonymous
| No advice but I'm sure that is really hard to deal with. I wish you peace OP |
Anonymous
| I am sorry for how you are feeling. I was in your friend's shoes (minus the drugs). I had an unplanned pregnancy despite being on the BCP for years. I decided to keep the baby and hated telling my friend who had been trying to conceive for years. This was many years ago. We didn't keep in touch but I found out recently that she and her husband had adopted a child through the foster care system and have that child's sibling living with them too. I know you are angry and confused now but things will work out in the end. Your friend is not going to have the life that you are imagining for yourself so keep that in mind too. Those children didn't hit the parental jackpot. |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry OP. It really sucks. I remember standing online at some park, seeing a teenager pregnant and smoking. I had been struggling for over a year to get pregnant, including a miscarriage. It was all I could do to manage all my feelings of anger, sadness and frustration.
Hang in there. I had a happy ending, and so will you. In one way or another, you will have the family you want. It may not be in the time frame or in the way you thought, but it will happen. Here's to a positive in 2014. |
Anonymous
. There is no justice in the universe. That's how you get past it. So much is random, even success. It's not like someone who is financially secure is somehow a better person and is being rewarded and the person who is destitute deserved the ir poverty. I have a cousin who meets a similar profile to your college roommate. And I don't get upset with the universe. I actually get angry with her. She should have been using contraceptives. It's fine if she lives the life she lives, and I don't judge about that. But I do get upset when people who are in no position to raise a child well don't at least practice birth control. For me, my overwhelming sympathy for the poor kid she is having would override my feelings of jealousy. But beyond that, stop seeing fertility as a reward/punishment. It is just a circumstance, an unfortunate one at that. Every now and again I get upset about how some shallow, superficial, greedy people always have things go their way, but other perfectly nice people get so much heartache and grief. I've realized fairly recently that I'm less inclined to dwell on such things when I accept that the universe isn't a just, perfectly fair and reasonable place. there is no great and powerful Oz who monitors the affairs of humans and doles out good things to those who behave and bad things to those who don't. Instead, our universe is only order at the macro level of systems but chaos at the micro level of individual organisms. |
Anonymous
| Nothing breeds faster than crazy. |
Anonymous
| I feel you OP. I had a miscarriage last month, TTC our first for over a year. We did things "right" as well in regards to education and financial stability. This girl I went to high school with just had her 4th baby - the other 3 are in foster care bc she's a meth addict. She was also, admittedly, using 7 months of the last pregnancy and baby appears to be perfectly healthy. Totally not fair. Such is life. |
Anonymous
Just to clarify I wouldn't want the baby to be sick - just pointing out her pregnancies were completely healthy despite her lifestyle. Feel terrible for those kids though. |
Anonymous
| PP- You never know. Sometimes babies appear to be healthy and develop learning problems later on in life. I used to teach in a school where a lot of kids had learning problems due to exposure to drugs/alcohol during pregnancy. They didn't have health problems but many of them needed IEPs for their learning problems. Also, quite a few of them had ADHD. |
Anonymous
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[quote=Anonymous]I had a miscarriage earlier this year and was due right around now. I'm not pregnant again despite actively ttc for half a year. Happily married, successful, educated, financially secure, blah blah blah. Just saw on Facebook that my college roommate who has two older kids, is recently divorced, has been using serious drugs for the past year, barely knows the baby daddy, and is otherwise a total wreck had a baby today. I realize I should be grateful not to have her effed up life but all I keep thinking is where is the justice in the universe if she is now a mother of three and I am having such a hard time having a baby. How do I get past these feelings??[/quote]
Maybe someone else looks at you and says who the eff is this jealous bitch to judge me or anyone else? Jealiusy and envy are two horrible character flaws. Get rid of your attitude and stop making arbitrary judgments about other women. |
Anonymous
| OP it sucks, it really does. I had a miscarriage 7 months ago after 3 years of infertility. My close friend and coworker is due same month I would have been. Every single day I have to face this. Try to take care of yourself. It is really hard but we will survive. We can't let this unfairness destroy us. |
Anonymous
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a miscarriage earlier this year and was due right around now. I'm not pregnant again despite actively ttc for half a year. Happily married, successful, educated, financially secure, blah blah blah. Just saw on Facebook that my college roommate who has two older kids, is recently divorced, has been using serious drugs for the past year, barely knows the baby daddy, and is otherwise a total wreck had a baby today. I realize I should be grateful not to have her effed up life but all I keep thinking is where is the justice in the universe if she is now a mother of three and I am having such a hard time having a baby. How do I get past these feelings??[/quote]
Maybe someone else looks at you and says who the eff is this jealous bitch to judge me or anyone else? Jealiusy and envy are two horrible character flaws. Get rid of your attitude and stop making arbitrary judgments about other women. [/quote] Oh shut up. |
Anonymous
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a miscarriage earlier this year and was due right around now. I'm not pregnant again despite actively ttc for half a year. Happily married, successful, educated, financially secure, blah blah blah. Just saw on Facebook that my college roommate who has two older kids, is recently divorced, has been using serious drugs for the past year, barely knows the baby daddy, and is otherwise a total wreck had a baby today. I realize I should be grateful not to have her effed up life but all I keep thinking is where is the justice in the universe if she is now a mother of three and I am having such a hard time having a baby. How do I get past these feelings??[/quote]
Maybe someone else looks at you and says who the eff is this jealous bitch to judge me or anyone else? Jealiusy and envy are two horrible character flaws. Get rid of your attitude and[b] stop making arbitrary judgments about other women[/b]. [/quote] They aren't "arbitrary" judgments, you idiot. OP's judgments about a woman who has been using drugs and has a baby with a man she barely knows are extremely well grounded. |
Anonymous
| I'm in your exact place. Been trying for #2. Miscarried in May and actively TTC since with zero success. Obviously I can get pregnant, but it's just not happening. It seems like every single one of my friends and many coworkers are pregnant, which makes it even harder. I know that on any impartial scale I have an enviable life and I am not prone to self-pity, but it's hard not to feel sorry for myself right now and wonder what the hell I did wrong. I think I'm finally going to call SGF today. |
Anonymous
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