BIL visiting for winter break. Keeps insulting my children.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 boys, 2yo and 4yo. Yes, they can be loud, whiny and sometimes annoying. My 24 yo BIL is visiting us and he is constantly trying to discipline the boys and saying that they are annoying and spoiled. He is staying with us for break from grad school. Even when the boys are playing and being generally good, BIL will tell them they are being too loud. Their loud shrieks and laughter bother him. I want to tell him to leave if he is going to continue to insult my family.

WWYD? Just bite my tongue since I don't see BIL often?

I'm afraid if I start to say something, I will end up just blowing up at him.

[Anonymous]

Is it your H's brother? If so, have him talk to him.

[Anonymous]

He's not insulting them. An insult would be "your mother wears combat boots" not complaining that your children are too loud.

He literally doesn't know any better and isn't used to being around small children. Treat his behavior as ignorance, not insult.

Is this your spouse's brother? Or a sibling's husband? Whoever has the primary relationship to tell him to relax a bit and enjoy the boys, who are likely being rambunctious because they are delighted to see him. This approach rather than indignation over perceived insults will be far more productive.

[Anonymous]

This is your spouse's brother? I would ask my husband to tell him to knock it off. I don't like it when other people try to discipline my kids, that seems way out of line. Maybe your BIL is storing up some bad karma, ensuring he will one day have 6 or 7 little hellions running around screaming.

[Anonymous]

Take him to a room away from the boys. Be calm. Say:
"I understand that you may not be used to being around younger children. However, in our house, their behavior is my business. If there is an issue with their behavior or noise level, Bob and I handle it. It may not be in the way you would, and when/if you have children, you will get to decide how to deal with them. It's not okay for you to make comments about them being spoiled, annoying or too loud. I need you to back off."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your spouse's brother? I would ask my husband to tell him to knock it off. I don't like it when other people try to discipline my kids, that seems way out of line. Maybe your BIL is storing up some bad karma, ensuring he will one day have 6 or 7 little hellions running around screaming.

BIL is my DH's younger brother. I do know that he is having some relationship problems with his girlfriend. he chose to come to our house vs going to her house for Christmas. His relationship troubles should not give him an excuse to be a poor guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take him to a room away from the boys. Be calm. Say:
"I understand that you may not be used to being around younger children. However, in our house, their behavior is my business. If there is an issue with their behavior or noise level, Bob and I handle it. It may not be in the way you would, and when/if you have children, you will get to decide how to deal with them. It's not okay for you to make comments about them being spoiled, annoying or too loud. I need you to back off."

No, don't do this. It is incredibly condescending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your spouse's brother? I would ask my husband to tell him to knock it off. I don't like it when other people try to discipline my kids, that seems way out of line. Maybe your BIL is storing up some bad karma, ensuring he will one day have 6 or 7 little hellions running around screaming.

BIL is my DH's younger brother. I do know that he is having some relationship problems with his girlfriend. he chose to come to our house vs going to her house for Christmas. His relationship troubles should not give him an excuse to be a poor guest.

Ah, he wants to brood in peace. Got it.

[Anonymous]

He is just acting his age and so are the kids.

Just tell him straight. "Dude, they are acting their age. This is what kids do in their own house. If you need extra quiet, put on your headphones or go to Starbucks for a while. Or better yet, take them outside and play with them and then they will be tired out and you can all chill out and watch a movie together."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is just acting his age and so are the kids.

Just tell him straight. "Dude, they are acting their age. This is what kids do in their own house. If you need extra quiet, put on your headphones or go to Starbucks for a while. Or better yet, take them outside and play with them and then they will be tired out and you can all chill out and watch a movie together."

This is FAR better than the condescending lecture scripted by the previous pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is just acting his age and so are the kids.

Just tell him straight. "Dude, they are acting their age. This is what kids do in their own house. If you need extra quiet, put on your headphones or go to Starbucks for a while. Or better yet, take them outside and play with them and then they will be tired out and you can all chill out and watch a movie together."

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is just acting his age and so are the kids.

Just tell him straight. "Dude, they are acting their age. This is what kids do in their own house. If you need extra quiet, put on your headphones or go to Starbucks for a while. Or better yet, take them outside and play with them and then they will be tired out and you can all chill out and watch a movie together."

Exactly. You can add that being around small kids is the form of birth control.

[Anonymous]

I have a question. Is this too loud behavior in the middle of the day,or at 6am? Middle of the day, brother should joke with him that that is how kids are. Early in the morning, kids should be told to try to be quiet near the brothers bedroom.
Not just as a common courtesy, but also to benefit your family - if bil gets more sleep, he will be less cranky during day.

[Anonymous]

He's probably extra irritable because of his girlfriend problems. I would try not to take it too personally.

[Anonymous]

I was the same way when I was 24. Hell, I am the same way now. I don't like little kids. However, I know this and understand it and would *never* ever agree to stay in the same house with ones that aren't mine. I also did not purposefully spend time with little kids when I was young and single. So when I encounter this attitude I *completely* get it. My BIL chastised my 7 year old for not reading a card appropriately before opening a birthday present at her birthday party. I ignored it since I knew that he was a douche with a 1 year old. I just said something like, "Kids don't care about cards or manners for far longer than adults are comfortable with and, no offense, but we won't be forcing this manners issue for you." My husband was incensed and still gripes about it to this day. You certainly can say something to him about it, but he likely just has no experience with kids.