BIL visiting for winter break. Keeps insulting my children.

[Anonymous]

I tell my nephews to use their inside voices sometimes when we are all at grandmas. I have kids and I know how they are and sometimes these boys are out of control loud. But sounds like the BIL just doesn't know how kids can be. Totally send him out on errands. Tell him to pick up some beer and chill out.

[Anonymous]

Drop kick his ass out the door. You don't want him coming back during Spring Break!

[Anonymous]

It's your house so your kids get to behave as you see fit but I will tell that I have a friend with two boys who are so unbelievably loud and bouncing off the walls all.the.time. we've stopped visiting at their house because it's too the point where you actually have to shout over the kids when they are in the same area, which is most of the time. Friend also allows them to do this when they come to visit us. She believes this is normal boy behavior and can't figure out why her socializing opportunities have dwindled. My point is, it may be beyond normal kid/boy noise level and your BIL could have a legitimate "holy crap" complaint.

[Anonymous]

to the point not too the point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is just acting his age and so are the kids.

Just tell him straight. "Dude, they are acting their age. This is what kids do in their own house. If you need extra quiet, put on your headphones or go to Starbucks for a while. Or better yet, take them outside and play with them and then they will be tired out and you can all chill out and watch a movie together."

This is fine but you should not say it.

Your husband must say it.

His family, his responsibility. Dad needs to step up and be the one to tell this kid (and he IS a kid) to lay off. It's especially annoying that brother is trying to discipline these kids when he has no idea what he's doing.

If brother continues, then your husband needs to be more forceful and tell him he is welcome to stay in a hotel if the noise bothers hima nd he can't resist making comments. Can't afford it since he's a grad student? Then you can put him up in a hotel if you really want. But I bet the hotel offer would shut him up fast.

[Anonymous]

Manners start at home from the parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your house so your kids get to behave as you see fit but I will tell that I have a friend with two boys who are so unbelievably loud and bouncing off the walls all.the.time. we've stopped visiting at their house because it's too the point where you actually have to shout over the kids when they are in the same area, which is most of the time. Friend also allows them to do this when they come to visit us. She believes this is normal boy behavior and can't figure out why her socializing opportunities have dwindled. My point is, it may be beyond normal kid/boy noise level and your BIL could have a legitimate "holy crap" complaint.

Yes, these kids could be so out of line but parents don't see it. Always worth considering that OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is just acting his age and so are the kids.

Just tell him straight. "Dude, they are acting their age. This is what kids do in their own house. If you need extra quiet, put on your headphones or go to Starbucks for a while. Or better yet, take them outside and play with them and then they will be tired out and you can all chill out and watch a movie together."

Exactly. You can add that being around small kids is the form of birth control.

In case you didn't notice, we have a winner here. No unnecessary drama about who sets the rules in "my house," just a dose of reality.

[Anonymous]

He knew going there you had kids. What did he expect.

Show him a quiet room and tell him the kids will be kids and he can go in there to be alone. If he doesn't like it, tell him to deal with it. Kids are loud. Fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's your house so your kids get to behave as you see fit but I will tell that I have a friend with two boys who are so unbelievably loud and bouncing off the walls all.the.time. we've stopped visiting at their house because it's too the point where you actually have to shout over the kids when they are in the same area, which is most of the time. Friend also allows them to do this when they come to visit us. She believes this is normal boy behavior and can't figure out why her socializing opportunities have dwindled. My point is, it may be beyond normal kid/boy noise level and your BIL could have a legitimate "holy crap" complaint.

Yes, these kids could be so out of line but parents don't see it. Always worth considering that OP.

The kids aren't out of line. Kids' job is to follow the expectations their parents are setting, and it seems clear that whatever level of noise they are creating, it's within what their parents expect and accept. BIL is a guest. When you come to someone's house as a guest you don't get to change their parenting or set new expectations.

If the OP were having the BIL babysit, or telling him he can't retreat to his room, or ambushing him when he decides to go out for a walk or a Starbucks and insisting he take the boys, then I might feel differently. But it doesn't sound like that's happening.

[Anonymous]

As long as if I took a good look at my kids' behavior and it was "normal", I would tell BIL what the PP said about it just being the way life is with little kids. Encourage him to get out and away from the ruckus when he can. If I did think my kids were overly rambunctious, I would remind them that they need to use house manners and even more so because we have company.

I would NOT ask him to take them out to play though. He's not a sitter and would do it voluntarily if he wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as if I took a good look at my kids' behavior and it was "normal", I would tell BIL what the PP said about it just being the way life is with little kids. Encourage him to get out and away from the ruckus when he can. If I did think my kids were overly rambunctious, I would remind them that they need to use house manners and even more so because we have company.

I would NOT ask him to take them out to play though. He's not a sitter and would do it voluntarily if he wanted to.

You sound like a very reasonable mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is just acting his age and so are the kids.

Just tell him straight. "Dude, they are acting their age. This is what kids do in their own house. If you need extra quiet, put on your headphones or go to Starbucks for a while. Or better yet, take them outside and play with them and then they will be tired out and you can all chill out and watch a movie together."

This is fine but you should not say it.

Your husband must say it.

His family, his responsibility. Dad needs to step up and be the one to tell this kid (and he IS a kid) to lay off. It's especially annoying that brother is trying to discipline these kids when he has no idea what he's doing.

If brother continues, then your husband needs to be more forceful and tell him he is welcome to stay in a hotel if the noise bothers hima nd he can't resist making comments. Can't afford it since he's a grad student? Then you can put him up in a hotel if you really want. But I bet the hotel offer would shut him up fast.

I'm sorry, but a 24 MAN is NOT A KID!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Gently pull the large stick out of his butt. Damn, for a guy who is 24, he sounds like he has control and tolerance issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to a room away from the boys. Be calm. Say:
"I understand that you may not be used to being around younger children. However, in our house, their behavior is my business. If there is an issue with their behavior or noise level, Bob and I handle it. It may not be in the way you would, and when/if you have children, you will get to decide how to deal with them. It's not okay for you to make comments about them being spoiled, annoying or too loud. I need you to back off."

No, don't do this. It is incredibly condescending.

What planet are you from? This is exactly what needs to be done except by the husband.