Mom keeps making comments about baby weight. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I'm about six months pregnant with my second kid. First pregnancy, every time I saw or talked to my mom, she'd talk about how much weight I gained, how huge my calves were, how I should never white, how big I was, etc.

Now, of course, her weight comments are ramping back up and it's driving me insane. What would you do? I've said stuff in the past (to no effect), but I'm willing to give it another shot.

[Anonymous]

Well, act like a grown up and ask her not to make the comments.

If you can't do that, realize the comments say more about you than about her, and just let it go.

This is an annoyance, not a problem.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to shut the hell up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm about six months pregnant with my second kid. First pregnancy, every time I saw or talked to my mom, she'd talk about how much weight I gained, how huge my calves were, how I should never white, how big I was, etc.

Now, of course, her weight comments are ramping back up and it's driving me insane. What would you do? I've said stuff in the past (to no effect), but I'm willing to give it another shot.

Tell her to spahut the fuck up. Sorry OP my mom was a totally bitch while I was pregnant me and the thought of her returning for Christmas already has me on edge. Your health is most important and these comments can impact you not just psychologically but physiologically and that is not good for the baby. So , again, fuck her.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to stop. Then when she makes a comment, respond in one of these 2 ways every.single.time.:

"Mom, you just made a comment about my weight. I'm hanging up the phone now." Then really hang up. No negotiating.

Or
"Mom, you just made a comment about my weight. I'm leaving now." Then really leave, whether it's leaving the room or leaving her house or walking out of a restaurant. Again, there's no negotiation.

If you say nothing as you leave, it will be more effective. Hopefully she will figure it out after no more than 2 times. You've got to be consistent.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Last pregnancy I said things like stop calling me fat and stop talking about my weight. This time, I've started with no one likes to hear how much weight they've gained and I really dont like you talking about my weight.

I don't mind acting like a "grown up" , but I want what I say to be effective, so I thought I'd ask for advice.

Agree it's just an annoyance, but it's an annoyance that is working my nerves. And it does affect my relationship with mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Last pregnancy I said things like stop calling me fat and stop talking about my weight. This time, I've started with no one likes to hear how much weight they've gained and I really dont like you talking about my weight.

I don't mind acting like a "grown up" , but I want what I say to be effective, so I thought I'd ask for advice.

Agree it's just an annoyance, but it's an annoyance that is working my nerves. And it does affect my relationship with mom.

She's being rude OP. Actions speak louder than your words. Walk away or hang up when she does this.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing you can say. She thinks that you are gaining too much weight. Maybe you are but that's your problem. She could just be trying to help you though. There's healthy pregnancy weight gain and there's additional weight gain that is just going to make you fat. You need to figure out which one is you.

[Anonymous]

So are you really putting on the pounds OP? It could be your mom has a valid point. She may not be subtle about and it may come across as rude, but it might be the truth.

If you're not in danger of GD or pre-e and your doc is ok with your weight and bloating than tell her you have the ok from your doc, (a professional) and get over it. Otherwise, she may be telling you the ugly truth to eat healthy and stay active.

[Anonymous]

Next time she says it say " Thank you for reminding me that I want to be the kind of mother that loves and supports her kids and treats them with kindness". That'll shut her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So are you really putting on the pounds OP? It could be your mom has a valid point. She may not be subtle about and it may come across as rude, but it might be the truth.

If you're not in danger of GD or pre-e and your doc is ok with your weight and bloating than tell her you have the ok from your doc, (a professional) and get over it. Otherwise, she may be telling you the ugly truth to eat healthy and stay active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Last pregnancy I said things like stop calling me fat and stop talking about my weight. This time, I've started with no one likes to hear how much weight they've gained and I really dont like you talking about my weight.

I don't mind acting like a "grown up" , but I want what I say to be effective, so I thought I'd ask for advice.

Agree it's just an annoyance, but it's an annoyance that is working my nerves. And it does affect my relationship with mom.

You have the right idea but like the PP said, you need to be more firm and be willing to walk away or hang up. I would be annoyed too.

[Anonymous]

I will tell you what not yo do. Don't gain extra weight just to spite her. You are only hurting yourself. Also, maybe your mom has a point. Only you know if the extra weight is healthy pregnancy weight or tonnage that you will regret later on when it doesn't come off.

I'd say listen to her and be honest with yourself. Then tell her to fuck off. In a nice way.

[Anonymous]

My mother is like this, OP.

She will comment on how fat I look (I was underweight even when pregnant), make personal and inappropriate remarks of every kind, and then accuse me of being "too sensitive" or pretend it was "just a joke" if I seriously ask her to stop.
It. drives. me. insane.
It seems to be a narcissistic trait, and I realize that my mother has always been this way and won't change. DH just tells me to ignore her - which is extremely hard to do, her words have to power to seep under my skin.
So in 10 years, 2 kids, and a few job losses and health scares, DH and I have learned to limit contact and divulge as little as possible while still maintaining friendly contact. Not the deep trusting relationship I was envisioning with my mother, but it's the best we can do.

No advice, just sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Op again. I am well within normal weight gain, and my Dr has never expressed any concern. I was very, very bloated at the end of my first pregnancy, but it was not a sign of anything negative (low/normal blood pressure, no signs of pre-eclampsia).

My mother had never said anything about my health in regards to my weight gain, although she is far from a good communicator and perhaps that might be part of it.