Has anyone had it out with in laws?
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Anonymous
| My MIL is staying with us and she had a blow up with DH tonight. She is an emotionally irresponsible person who can say some pretty nasty things to get her way. I'm just at the end of my rope dealing with her day to day and knowing that we will be in for more blow ups for this very long stay. Needless to say she's ruined any holiday cheer in the house. I've never confronted her but after 13 years I've really just had it with her manipulation of DH and treatment of me. Anyone else had that big confrontation with ILs? How did it go? Are you estranged or did it help thins? |
Anonymous
| I had it out with my MIL ( I finally told her I had enough of her terrible treatment and if she wanted to be a part of our children's lives she need to respect our parenting choices) and to my surprise she's come along way. It wasn't pretty when it happened, she left our house in a huff but it's been 2 years and she's altered her behavior dramatically. |
Anonymous
Last Xmas, after 22 years of biting my tongue, I had it. We were on vaca in FL and MIL just finally went too far. She always snipes and baits me - not sure if she's trying to prove she can do whatever she wants with impunity or if she's trying to get me to punch her in the throat!  Anyway, I got up, told her if she felt that way, I was taking my kids and leaving (we were staying in another condo, thank god) and I haven't spoken too her since. Best. Decision. EVER.
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Anonymous
| My ILs are lovely, but I had it out with my mother. Like 4:55 said, she's been careful since (it's been 6 months). But I will never trust her. |
Anonymous
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Yeah I did after 2 years of marriage and no kids. It was that or divorce. I dont think it was "having it out" like yelling, but I aired ALL of the issues with her and FIL and did not hold back.
Best thing DH and I ever did. |
Anonymous
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It helped things - but her smark was directed at me and I responded. And I had DH's prior approval to speak up for myself. But in my family, MY parents are 10X worse than my IL's.
In your case, if there is any confrontation about this blow-up with DH, your DH should be the one in the lead. |
Anonymous
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PPs - thanks for the advice. Like 09:22, I'm trying to understand where DH fits in here. Is this going to be just me or is it "us" - should it be?
And for those of who who say you haven't had to deal with ILs since, so they never try to come for holidays, birthdays, anything? My problem is that they come and stay with us for several weeks at a time. Those extended stays cause serious friction. I think she feels better after one of her episodes, but DH and I are miserable afterwards. |
Anonymous
Your husband absolutely has to be on board. The two of you can decide whether it makes the most sense for you or him to actually confront them (generally, I think the child of the parents in question should be taking the lead, but there may be special circumstances), but he should be there and clearly supportive. Your in-laws need to know that you guys are a team on this. |
Anonymous
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Sounds really hard OP. I have a MIL who was very difficult. We didn't "have it out" per se, but we have taken some serious steps to manage the dynamic. Our rules are :
- husband and I are a united front. - he is the first responder w/ his family, I with mine - no one is allowed to visit for longer than 1 week unless someone has died or they crossed an ocean to get to us - the schedule/rules/system that we use to run the house (bedtimes, nap schedules, mealtimes) do not change. If family dinners or events work within the household schedule - great. If they don't then we will not disrupt the kid's world to accommodate the adult wishes. (This was a major issue w/ twin infants and inlaws wanting family dinners out at 8 pm etc...) - our nuclear family comes first - period. - husband and I are a united front. Worth repeating!
Good luck! |
Anonymous
+1000. I think having twins (or higher multiples) has a way of solidifying a family unit early on. Like your use of "first responder", too! |
Anonymous
Good for you, 22 years is a long time to walk on eggshells! I don't know why people put themselves through such persistent pressure for the sake of avoiding confrontations with in-laws. It is so unhealthy. |
Anonymous
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I confronted FIL over favoring my first born two years ago. As for SIL, I didn't have to do it because my DH got fed up and confront her himself, and no he's not speaking to SIL or FIL because idiot FIL sided with SIL. I don't think either FIL or SIL is capable of learning anything from it, however.
All I can do is help DH in anyway I can and protect my kids. |
Anonymous
| I hate my DIL. She's a stupid ho. |
Anonymous
| I told off my MIL at Thanksgiving about 7 or 8 years ago. Should have done it way sooner. She is *much* better now. |
Anonymous
Cindy? |