Wedding Invitation Etiquette

[Anonymous]

Please help -- as a bride need advice on Wedding Invitation Etiquette.

My fiance and I have been engaged for a few months. Both sets of parents have been amazing dedicating their time, emotions and money into this event. We have found a venue and are ready to secure the date -- only problem is what is the etiquette of wedding invitations....

My fiance and I are working professionals and while we are more than grateful with the amount of money my parents are contributing we would not be able to have the wedding that is currently being planned without the help of all parties (my parents, my fiance's parents, my fiance and I). My parents have certain things they want their money to go to (dozens of friends/family whom I do not know are being invited, they want to treat everyone to breakfast the next day, etc). Since my parents are contributing money I have to respect this whether I agree with it or not.

On the other side my fiance and I have certain things in mind that need to be included from our view (certain friends of ours - who at this point are all married or in serious relationships, a band and an extended reception). My fiance and I are also contributing so we can have these additional items but to ease the financial tension his parents have offered to chip in too.

One snag I am running into is that my parents (bride's parents) want to be the hosts and the only set of parents listed on the invitation.

As a bride I feel I am being put in a rough spot. I want to recognize that my parents are paying for the majority of the wedding (over 50%) but at the same time there are other parties/hosts involved - my fiance, his family and I are paying for the remainder. As someone who is actually close to their in laws I feel my fiance's parents need to be recognized as well. The amount of money my fiances parents are contributing is nothing to disregard plus I feel this day in age it is a sign of respect for everyone to be included.

Trust me- I know what a small thing this is to stress over but I am stressed. Family is important to me and I want to do the right thing. How do I tell my parents how much this means to me without hurting their feelings? Or are my parents right - am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Put both sets on the invitation. Tell your parents they can "host" the brunch.

[Anonymous]

My sister just ran into this. Solution? Make two different sets of invites. One set for your family and their friends, the rest for everyone else.

[Anonymous]

wow. I thought you just put daughter of XX, son of XX on the invitations no matter who was "PAYING".

I didn't think it had anything to do with paying.

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter how much each family donates? List both sets of parents and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow. I thought you just put daughter of XX, son of XX on the invitations no matter who was "PAYING".

I didn't think it had anything to do with paying.

It has pretty much always had to do with who was paying.

[Anonymous]

I think the issue is more that OP's parents want to be the only set listed. If it was as simple as putting both sets of parents, I'm sure OP would've done that.

If your parents are paying around 50%, they are 50% hosts. You might have to do the invitations behind their back if they are insisting on being the sole parents listed.

[Anonymous]

"You might have to do the invitations behind their back if they are insisting on being the sole parents listed. "

Bad idea that could easily backfire.

[Anonymous]

Does it matter to the other parents or just to you?

If it matters to the parents - put both sets of parents. If it doesn't move on.

I say this from the perspective of someone who has been there. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.

In the whole scheme of life - move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You might have to do the invitations behind their back if they are insisting on being the sole parents listed. "

Bad idea that could easily backfire.

Ok then what's your suggestion? She can't list both sets because her parents want to be listed. Yet they aren't the sole hosts.

[Anonymous]

Don't list anyone:
"The honor of your presence
is requested at the marriage of
Heather Marie Smith
to Michael Francis Jacobson
Saturday, the seventeenth of May
two thousand and eight
at half past four in the afternoon"
I really don't get this -- I really don't understand parents who give gifts with strings. I was married late 30's and we paid for most of the wedding, but what our parents contributed -- they did so without strings. here is what we can do -- end of story. Why do people do this to their kids, who cares what the invite says, who cares if your friends don't get invited. People need to grow up. Best of luck OP -- I wish you were in the position to tell them no - thanks -- ur cash not needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You might have to do the invitations behind their back if they are insisting on being the sole parents listed. "

Bad idea that could easily backfire.

Ok then what's your suggestion? She can't list both sets because her parents want to be listed. Yet they aren't the sole hosts.

Grow a back bone. Duplicity rarely turns out well.

[Anonymous]

"Best of luck OP -- I wish you were in the position to tell them no - thanks -- ur cash not needed. "

OP can always say no and have a wedding on a smaller budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is more that OP's parents want to be the only set listed. If it was as simple as putting both sets of parents, I'm sure OP would've done that.

If your parents are paying around 50%, they are 50% hosts. You might have to do the invitations behind their back if they are insisting on being the sole parents listed.

13:13 here- no no. You TELL them. "Mom, I'm going to make 2 sets of invites - I know you are concerned about this and we'll send your set out to your friends and our family. I know this is important to you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't list anyone:
"The honor of your presence
is requested at the marriage of
Heather Marie Smith
to Michael Francis Jacobson
Saturday, the seventeenth of May
two thousand and eight
at half past four in the afternoon"
I really don't get this -- I really don't understand parents who give gifts with strings. I was married late 30's and we paid for most of the wedding, but what our parents contributed -- they did so without strings. here is what we can do -- end of story. Why do people do this to their kids, who cares what the invite says, who cares if your friends don't get invited. People need to grow up. Best of luck OP -- I wish you were in the position to tell them no - thanks -- ur cash not needed.

+1 million. This situation is ridiculous.