Wedding Invitation Etiquette

[Anonymous]

I would tell your parents they can't host unless they're paying the vast majority (80%?). My parents gave us 20k, but we put both of our parents on the invite. Mainly because I wanted to show respect to my inlaws. My in laws gave me nothing for our wedding.

[Anonymous]

We did not put either set of parents on the invite.

[Anonymous]

If you are following old school rules the correct wording in this situation is:

Mr. and Mrs. John Michael Smith
Request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Jane Claire
to
Mr. Thomas Andrew Jones
Son of Mr. and Mrs. Bob Edward Jones

At three o'clock in the afternoon
Saturday, the tenth of May two thousand fourteen
Christ Church
Alexandria, VA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell your parents they can't host unless they're paying the vast majority (80%?). My parents gave us 20k, but we put both of our parents on the invite. Mainly because I wanted to show respect to my inlaws. My in laws gave me nothing for our wedding.

+1, and my parents did not object to this at all. Actually, it's kind of crazy that OP's mom is demanding this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell your parents they can't host unless they're paying the vast majority (80%?). My parents gave us 20k, but we put both of our parents on the invite. Mainly because I wanted to show respect to my inlaws. My in laws gave me nothing for our wedding.

+1, and my parents did not object to this at all. Actually, it's kind of crazy that OP's mom is demanding this.

Agree. Said another way, your parents are contributing, not hosting. You are too and so are you soon to be in laws. Thus, you will prepare a "neutral" invite and seek their input but not approval for the final content. Keeps them involved but not in control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell your parents they can't host unless they're paying the vast majority (80%?). My parents gave us 20k, but we put both of our parents on the invite. Mainly because I wanted to show respect to my inlaws. My in laws gave me nothing for our wedding.

+1, and my parents did not object to this at all. Actually, it's kind of crazy that OP's mom is demanding this.

Agree. Said another way, your parents are contributing, not hosting. You are too and so are you soon to be in laws. Thus, you will prepare a "neutral" invite and seek their input but not approval for the final content. Keeps them involved but not in control.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't list anyone:
"The honor of your presence
is requested at the marriage of
Heather Marie Smith
to Michael Francis Jacobson
Saturday, the seventeenth of May
two thousand and eight
at half past four in the afternoon"

This. Seriously, no one other than your parents will care.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for most, his parents gave us a little money towards it. They were both named on the invite as hosts. It's just the right thing to do. The guests dont care who is actually hosting, and both families giving money should be acknowledged.

[Anonymous]

Ceremony invite:
The honour of your presence is requested...wedding of Larla Louise, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, and Brayden Hunter, son of Mr. and Mrs. James Smith...

Reception card:
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe request the pleasure of your company at a reception immediately following the ceremony...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ceremony invite:
The honour of your presence is requested...wedding of Larla Louise, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, and Brayden Hunter, son of Mr. and Mrs. James Smith...

Reception card:
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe request the pleasure of your company at a reception immediately following the ceremony...

Perfect!

[Anonymous]

To a lot of people of my parent's generation - apperanaces do matter. So this would also cause a big deal in my family. BUT that said, if my parents weren't footing the entire bill, they would understand they will be combined hosts. Talk to whomever you get your invitations from, they know what the correct wording should be. That said - recgonize both sets on the invitation and tell your parents that b/c the in laws and you & DH are also making a large contribution and cannot be omitted. If your parents want to pitch a fit over this, be prepared to trim their random people from the guest list and do it w/o their money. Or tell them if the fund the entire thing, they can be the sole hosts. Don't let them manipulate you on this - this is only the first battle of many you will be fighting over the years. Just wait until you have kids. Do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ceremony invite:
The honour of your presence is requested...wedding of Larla Louise, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, and Brayden Hunter, son of Mr. and Mrs. James Smith...

Reception card:
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe request the pleasure of your company at a reception immediately following the ceremony...

Perfect!

This really is a clever tactic, and it reflects the truth. The wedding is put on by multiple parties, but a particular high-ticket and socially important item is being put on by one party.

[Anonymous]

I like 17:15's wording. We had a similar situation. My parents contributed about 40-50% of the budget, we paid the rest. My MIL who was on a fixed income provided a very small amount to cover the rehearsal dinner.

Our invitation read:
Together with their families Larla Smith and Aiden Jones request the honor of your presence at their marriage....


I know my parents were unhappy, but then again, there was a lot of passive aggressive unhappiness surrounding our wedding planning so take my advice with a grain of salt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To a lot of people of my parent's generation - apperanaces do matter. So this would also cause a big deal in my family. BUT that said, if my parents weren't footing the entire bill, they would understand they will be combined hosts. Talk to whomever you get your invitations from, they know what the correct wording should be. That said - recgonize both sets on the invitation and tell your parents that b/c the in laws and you & DH are also making a large contribution and cannot be omitted. If your parents want to pitch a fit over this, be prepared to trim their random people from the guest list and do it w/o their money. Or tell them if the fund the entire thing, they can be the sole hosts. Don't let them manipulate you on this - this is only the first battle of many you will be fighting over the years. Just wait until you have kids. Do the right thing.

Wow -- people really need to grow up -- that is so ridiculous -- and I say this as a person with parents in their late 60's. gifts are not gifts if they come with strings. Last I looked marriage was about coming together in a covenant, not an opportunity to show your friends what you did for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like 17:15's wording. We had a similar situation. My parents contributed about 40-50% of the budget, we paid the rest. My MIL who was on a fixed income provided a very small amount to cover the rehearsal dinner.

Our invitation read:
Together with their families Larla Smith and Aiden Jones request the honor of your presence at their marriage....


I know my parents were unhappy, but then again, there was a lot of passive aggressive unhappiness surrounding our wedding planning so take my advice with a grain of salt!

We were in a similar situation and also used "Together with their families..." I have seen this a lot lately.