Spouse and I argue over everything
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Anonymous
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My spouse and I have always had our differences. We were raised differently (one with strict parents and one with not-so-strict parents). Sometimes we both wonder why we even got married. But, in the end we have a three month old baby who's healthy and growing up very quickly. Yet, we argue over everything to the point where last night we said "We don't see eye to eye on anything, why are we even together anymore?". This saddens me but at the same time I think about my life if we were divorced and how happier I would be. We both honestly do not see eye to eye on so many issues including how to spend (or not spend) money, eating habits, raising our baby, household chores, etc. It's gotten worse each week and even though divorcing with a baby is the last thing we both want...we are driving each other crazy.
Long ago I always wondered how parents could divorce when they had kids. How the parents could do that to a child. Now I know. I can't believe I'm even thinking about this...but it hurts that much to be in this relationship. |
Anonymous
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Have you done marriage counseling to try and learn how to communicate with each other? Something about him make you think this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, something about him made you think you wanted this man to be the father of your children.
It sounds like you have created a bad dynamic of how you communicate and interact. You can change that if you want to. |
Anonymous
Yes, you do. And that should be the end of your wondering about the "what ifs" and the start of working a little harder on your ability to communicate. Get yourself some serious help now. As any parent will tell you, the first year of a new baby's life can be hell on a marriage. Welcome to reality. |
Anonymous
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http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/2013/01/14/7074935a-5ea8-11e3-bc56-c6ca94801fac_story.html?hpid=z3
Here you go, OP. Read this, from today's Post. You think these people never had any problems? |
Anonymous
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My DH and I have a lot of problems, and we fight about everything. we have a very hard time communicating with each other about or around our DS, who is 3. But when you take him out of the picture, we have a great time together, and still can talk fine when we are out alone.
you've only had a baby for a few months. your relationship is going through major changes. try getting some alone time with your husband and see how you are when it's just the two of you. |
Anonymous
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I don't know if this is even related, but OPs story resonates with me.
We were always quite different with H, we had arguments. I tried therapy, I tried different strategies, but I am finally realizing that we are just different, period. And that he will never be a someone I could call a great dad. Not because he isn't great, but just because his ideas are very different from mine (and honestly they sound stupid and backward to me). Sometimes it is what it is, people are different. I wish I knew it while the baby was still small and not attached to him. |
Anonymous
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I would recommend marital counseling.
I'm a very decisive person. I almost always have a picture in my head for a party, a present, how I picture a project going. My X and I are divorced so I may not be a good person from whom to take advice, but in my current relationship we've agreed to have domains where someone is the lead. Like, I expect to always have the lead decisions over my child, (this was not true in my marriage and a source of major discontent), and lead decisions about how we spend out weekends, but we've agreed he can get lead decision making over cars, gardening, and laundry. I know it sounds weird, but it's hard for me sometimes. I always want to butt in about the garden and laundry. But I recognize that it's not reasonable: I appreciate input in the things I get ultimate say over, but in general I really do know what and how I want that stuff done. It's not reasonable that Every Last Thing goes my way and in my way, unless I want to live by myself. So that is just my two cents. |
Anonymous
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Life may not be easier divorcing though.
For starters, you will see your kid only 20-80% of the time, and your husband can now have another woman is his life (and your kid's) -- and you don't get to say boo about it. |
Anonymous
| If you divorce, you'll still be fighting with him about your kid. Only you'll have a court involved. Get counseling. Now. Frankly, you should have worked this stuff out before you had a baby, but you now have an obligation to make a real effort to learn to communicate and compromise in an adult manner for the sake of this kid. |
Anonymous
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Or you could just drop your end of the rope. This helps me half the time to step back, take a minute, get some perspective and decide if what DH and I are arguing about is really necessary. Especially with a new baby, pick your battles. As long as your end goals are the same, there will be several, perfectly acceptable, methods of achieving them.
Give this baby A CHANCE to have a family under the same roof. Good Luck. |
Anonymous
| There's nothing harder on a marriage than a new baby. Get some sleep and go to counseling. |