Family vent

[Anonymous]

My parents gave my brother, a successful attorney, a 2+ carat diamond for him to have made into an engagement ring for his girlfriend. My sister and I are married and neither of us were given any jewelry. I am extremely annoyed and cannot seem to get over this. I have a prenup but my brother will not and the stone could potentially leave the family. How do I just let this go?

[Anonymous]

Contrary to Debeers and all diamond commercial advertising, a diamond's value and size does not correlate to love and care.

Let it go. It's just an overpriced piece of a rock.

[Anonymous]

let it go.

[Anonymous]

stay out of it. if you are assigning an emotion to it they love him more, forget it. it could be just something they want to do, just like they will want to give you a vacation in 2 years.

let it go.

[Anonymous]

You just do since it wasn't your decision. I have had frustrating sibling/family inequalities like this but in the end you'll drive yourself crazy if you try to control what is not in your control. The ship has sailed. Also- technically, the diamond ring the family tends to give to the men since the women would get engagement rings from their future husband or his family.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they knew they couldn't give it to you without upsetting your sister, and vice versa, so thought they'd welcome their new DIL with a family ring. Hopefully you can also welcome her to the family and realize there is no winning by making a big stink about this.

[Anonymous]

I think some parents/families have certain things that they plan to do for either all of their kids, their daughter, their sons, their first borns, etc. I am sure your parents decided at his birth he would someday receive this diamond for his future wife.
My grandmother saved a ring of my birthstone for me but not any of her other grandchildren, at least none received family jewelry that I know about. She didn't have much jewelry and she never played favorites, it was just a birthstone that connected me to the ring.
I often think about what I would pass down to my children. Jewelry I want to collect for myself over the years that can one day be passed on to my children and/or grandchildren.

Is your issue with his girlfriend?

If you had a son, would you not want him to have any family jewelry? If he and his wife gave birth to your first granddaughter, would you want the diamond to someday be passed on to her?

[Anonymous]

OP, my brother got a wedding present and I did not. When I confronted them, they flat out said that that's because my brother had a wedding reception and I didn't.
I did let it go, but it was a sign for me that I don't need to make any sacrifices fir them. If I want to give them money, I do, but if I don't, I don't. Same with phone calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some parents/families have certain things that they plan to do for either all of their kids, their daughter, their sons, their first borns, etc. I am sure your parents decided at his birth he would someday receive this diamond for his future wife.
My grandmother saved a ring of my birthstone for me but not any of her other grandchildren, at least none received family jewelry that I know about. She didn't have much jewelry and she never played favorites, it was just a birthstone that connected me to the ring.
I often think about what I would pass down to my children. Jewelry I want to collect for myself over the years that can one day be passed on to my children and/or grandchildren.

Is your issue with his girlfriend?

If you had a son, would you not want him to have any family jewelry? If he and his wife gave birth to your first granddaughter, would you want the diamond to someday be passed on to her?

I actually really like his girlfriend. Don't appreciate that she and her mom are looking at wedding venues before she even gets engaged, but that is another story for another time. I want the stone to stay in the family for sure.

[Anonymous]

I would be slightly miffed, but let it go. FYI, unless you get certified conflict-free diamonds, many diamonds come from conflict zones, and are mined by people terribly abused by various paramilitary troops. It this what you want to keep in the family?

What's wrong with looking at wedding venues before the engagement if they know it will happen? Some venues can be booked very far in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some parents/families have certain things that they plan to do for either all of their kids, their daughter, their sons, their first borns, etc. I am sure your parents decided at his birth he would someday receive this diamond for his future wife.
My grandmother saved a ring of my birthstone for me but not any of her other grandchildren, at least none received family jewelry that I know about. She didn't have much jewelry and she never played favorites, it was just a birthstone that connected me to the ring.
I often think about what I would pass down to my children. Jewelry I want to collect for myself over the years that can one day be passed on to my children and/or grandchildren.

Is your issue with his girlfriend?

If you had a son, would you not want him to have any family jewelry? If he and his wife gave birth to your first granddaughter, would you want the diamond to someday be passed on to her?

I actually really like his girlfriend. Don't appreciate that she and her mom are looking at wedding venues before she even gets engaged, but that is another story for another time. I want the stone to stay in the family for sure.

Why do you even care? Maybe she and your brother have talked about getting married for a while. Or maybe not. Either way, if your brother got a stone, I guess she wasn't too far off.

You have no control about what happens to the stone, so what you want is moot. Don't hold this against your future SIL--it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with what you think you are entitled to. Which, apparently, if not the stone.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I think the reasoning probably was:

The man gives the engagement ring to the woman. Thus, it makes sense for the man to get the diamond so that he can create an engagement ring.

When you got engaged, didn't your husband give you a diamond ring? Wouldn't it have been weird for you to turn down his ring and say you wnated to use your family diamond?

2 carats divided three ways isnt very big. Someone had to get it.

[Anonymous]

Did they pay for your wedding? And your sister's wedding? Maybe they're thinking that this sort of evens things out?

Who cares if some purchased diamond stays in the family??

[Anonymous]

Did your parents pay for all or part of your wedding? If so, there is "fairness" in giving your brother the ring.

[Anonymous]

OP, did your parents pay for your wedding? If so, I'd call it even..