Boyfriends mother got a DUI on her way to pick him up

[Anonymous]

We are young (22/23) and have been together 3 years . While headed to my families for Thanksgiving, I was stopping half way to drop
My boyfriend off to his mom (we are purchasing a new car and have only one for the moment) in a town an hour from
His home town. His mom was to meet us, when she didn't show up
After an hour and a half (after answering the phone once saying she was otw) my boyfriend had me just leave him
At a diner and continue my drive, as I had 3 hours ahead o me..


Shortly after leaving him, he called to tell
Me his mother had been picked up for driving drunk (she is an alcoholic but refuses help or to aknowledge it). Leaving h
Stranded on thanksgiving - thankfully a friend came toget him.

Fast forward to Saturday, my boyfriend tries to talk to her and she flips out, cancels
His insurance(it was cheaper for him to pay her instead of get his own policy). Accuses him of using heroin in front of his grandparent(thankfully, they know she's a nut). Then went on to say the reason he and i had problems
A while ago was because of xy and z (she was making things up to hurt him). He was very hurt and still is.

Although she's a bitch, she loves me and has told me time and time
Again... I'm now wondering if I should reach out to her and let her know she can still get help. I believe everyone is redeemable, she's fucked up bad but I see how much my bf hurts over this.


If I did do this, I would tell
Her to seek help and remind her that we plan to marry and have kids but refuse to have her in our or our children's lives if she can't take Controll and seek treatment. I just want to see this family heal... But I don't know if it would be wrong of me to get involved...

[Anonymous]

I think your boyfriend needs to take the lead and you need to be supportive of his direction.

And I advise against using grandchildren as an ultimatum. It will probably cause her to turn against you, threatening your relationship with the boyfriend, and in any case you can't make commitments about what you will or won't do on behalf of children who aren't even born yet.

[Anonymous]

Wow. You are far too immature to even think about having children right now, never mind using them as pawns to control your potential future MIL.

No, you should not reach out to her. What kind of question is that? This is an issue for her family members to address, not her son's girlfriend...

[Anonymous]

You are also naive if you think that you telling her to get help will somehow be more effective than other's family members previous attempts. Support your boyfriend and let him handle his family business.

[Anonymous]

Repeat after me, OP: "this is not MY problem, this is a problem for my BF."

Learn now to stay as far out of this situation as possible, OP, or you'll never be able to handle IL relationships.

[Anonymous]

Honestly..This is a red flag in my book.

Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who was raised by someone as you state is "fucked up" as this woman??

There must be men out there who come from better families....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly..This is a red flag in my book.

Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who was raised by someone as you state is "fucked up" as this woman??

There must be men out there who come from better families....

Ignore that poster's advice. You don't live with or marry your BF's mom or siblings. You marry the man.

[Anonymous]

I know it sucks to see him upset, but you should stay out of it. If she's toxic, she could very well listen to you and bitch him out for him letting you contact her.

My mother goes nuts every time she thinks she's being criticized. She'll heap that abuse on me and my siblings if I say something that upsets her. Rational conversation is fucking useless with people like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm now wondering if I should reach out to her and let her know she can still get help. I believe everyone is redeemable, she's fucked up bad but I see how much my bf hurts over this.


If I did do this, I would tell
Her to seek help and remind her that we plan to marry and have kids but refuse to have her in our or our children's lives if she can't take Controll and seek treatment. I just want to see this family heal... But I don't know if it would be wrong of me to get involved...

You're not in the family yet, so it's not your job to heal it. Support your boyfriend--that's your role here.

Once you've been married, say, 10 years, you can get more involved in her life.

[Anonymous]

Are you living with this man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly..This is a red flag in my book.

Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who was raised by someone as you state is "fucked up" as this woman??

There must be men out there who come from better families....

Ignore that poster's advice. You don't live with or marry your BF's mom or siblings. You marry the man.

I totally disagree with this statement. It is very important what type of family a person comes from when considering who you want to marry.

How can someone totally disregard a potential spouse's family?

For instance, when someone gets engaged and comes from a good stable family, people tend to mention that to others, right? Like when Prince William asked Kate Middleton to be his betrothed...Many commented on how she came from a very good and successful family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly..This is a red flag in my book.

Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who was raised by someone as you state is "fucked up" as this woman??

There must be men out there who come from better families....

Ignore that poster's advice. You don't live with or marry your BF's mom or siblings. You marry the man.

I totally disagree with this statement. It is very important what type of family a person comes from when considering who you want to marry.

How can someone totally disregard a potential spouse's family?

For instance, when someone gets engaged and comes from a good stable family, people tend to mention that to others, right? Like when Prince William asked Kate Middleton to be his betrothed...Many commented on how she came from a very good and successful family.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly..This is a red flag in my book.

Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who was raised by someone as you state is "fucked up" as this woman??

There must be men out there who come from better families....

Ignore that poster's advice. You don't live with or marry your BF's mom or siblings. You marry the man.

I totally disagree with this statement. It is very important what type of family a person comes from when considering who you want to marry.

How can someone totally disregard a potential spouse's family?

For instance, when someone gets engaged and comes from a good stable family, people tend to mention that to others, right? Like when Prince William asked Kate Middleton to be his betrothed...Many commented on how she came from a very good and successful family.

I have to agree with this.

Based on my own personal experience...Not to be judgmental or anything, just my own personal experience here, but I prefer to date men who come from stable and normal families. I have dated men who have had parents with substance abuse issues or legal problems and it has never been a good experience.

[Anonymous]

Why are you on DCUM. You are young. End this and get away from all this drama

[Anonymous]

Why are you on DCUM. You are young. End this and get away from all this drama