TTC and can't have sex

[Anonymous]

I have an embarrassing problem Ever since we've decided to TTC DH simply can't sustain an erection. He somehow feels all this pressure now and he's having performance anxiety. I'm not sure what I should be doing. I haven't been telling him when I'm ovulating because I'm sure that will make him more anxious. He's never had problems before and I'm starting to get worried because no sex = no babies

[Anonymous]

He can masterbate, and you can do the turkey baster. This is actually quite a common problem. If he's on board, you can also go to an RE and do an IUI.
Lots of guys don't like to perform on demand.

[Anonymous]

Having the same problem. DH and I have been trying for over a week now (every other day) and he's really not able to get it up any more. I feel so bad.

[Anonymous]

If it's performance anxiety I'm not sure IUIs are the way to go. Since then he has to do his business into a sterile cup in a random room at the clinic. It's not romantic or nice.

I'd say talk to him about it outside the bedroom. Have a glass or two of wine and just rip the band aid off what's going on there. Does he have reservations about having kids? Is he scared of something? Give him a safe place to share with you and see what he says. Will he see a doctor if this persists? That's an important one.

It sounds totally mental though, so tend to his mind!

[Anonymous]

it's not mental. it a lot to ask a guy to perform every night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He can masterbate, and you can do the turkey baster. This is actually quite a common problem. If he's on board, you can also go to an RE and do an IUI.
Lots of guys don't like to perform on demand.

Can you be explicit about how exactly to do this?

[Anonymous]

You could always tell him that you want to take a break from ttc for whatever reason and that you are back in the pill. Don't take the pill.

[Anonymous]

So we tried last night and while it was going pretty well during foreplay DH just puttered out at the end and couldn't go. He was SO FRUSTRATED (he threw his phone across the room) bc this was our last day of my "window" for trying. He said he wanted to go out on a good note, and it just made me feel so bad for him. The pressure DHs are put under in these situations is just awful. I suggested trying again (watching some videos online for encouragement) but that was not happening. He was not into that idea. It was the first time I'd every suggested it (we've never watched together before.) Do other DHs turn down that kind of offer? I almost feel like he thinks it's dirty for me to suggest that kind of thing.

(I posted this on another related thread too.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we tried last night and while it was going pretty well during foreplay DH just puttered out at the end and couldn't go. He was SO FRUSTRATED (he threw his phone across the room) bc this was our last day of my "window" for trying. He said he wanted to go out on a good note, and it just made me feel so bad for him. The pressure DHs are put under in these situations is just awful. I suggested trying again (watching some videos online for encouragement) but that was not happening. He was not into that idea. It was the first time I'd every suggested it (we've never watched together before.) Do other DHs turn down that kind of offer? I almost feel like he thinks it's dirty for me to suggest that kind of thing.

(I posted this on another related thread too.)

Depends on the guy. DH and I watch porn together from time to time. Honestly though, I think it is wise not to use porn in this type of scenario. To easy to accidentally/subconsciously start thinking that DH can finish only while watching porn but not with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we tried last night and while it was going pretty well during foreplay DH just puttered out at the end and couldn't go. He was SO FRUSTRATED (he threw his phone across the room) bc this was our last day of my "window" for trying. He said he wanted to go out on a good note, and it just made me feel so bad for him. The pressure DHs are put under in these situations is just awful. I suggested trying again (watching some videos online for encouragement) but that was not happening. He was not into that idea. It was the first time I'd every suggested it (we've never watched together before.) Do other DHs turn down that kind of offer? I almost feel like he thinks it's dirty for me to suggest that kind of thing.

(I posted this on another related thread too.)

Why is he using his phone during sex?

I would be worried about these outbursts of throwing and aggression. Has he been verbally abusive in the past?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, should have clarified: he is insanely busy with work this week and his phone has been attached to him. He had it on vibrate, but he kept hearing it buzz when emails came in while we were trying, and I think he blamed that on not be able to concentrate. He took his frustration out on the phone and said "that is never going to be in the room again during ___"...I think the stress level of work, lack of sleep from working late/getting up early, and after a week of trying is just getting to him.

[Anonymous]

Yeah he needs to leave the phone outside the room for the 20 minutes (or whatever) it takes. Knowing I have work emails waiting for me would throw me off too.

[Anonymous]

There was a thread on this some time ago. I recommended using the Instead cups. They are normally for your period, but have DH do his thing into the cup, then push the cup in and all the way to the back so it covers your cervix. This wasn't normally an issue but when the opk is positive I hand a cup to DH and he takes one for the team. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I think that this happens to lots of people. We have been experiencing the same thing, it isn't fun for either of us. Sex has become a chore and we just took a month off from trying, now it's back and it's great. Make sure that you still participate in foreplay and lots of kissing and cuddling, it really does make a difference. GL

[Anonymous]

This is OP. So we tried again last night had no issues this time Hopefully this means he's feeling less anxious. For those of you going trough the same thing, allow I did was change into my regular boring pajamas and went to bed. I think he felt less pressured because he knew I wasn't expecting anything. I told him afterwards that we should just enjoy ourselves and just have sex when we feel like it - no pressure.