s/o statistics of affairs ending in marrying the OW
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Anonymous
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In an ongoing thread, someone mentioned that less than 5% of men leave their wives for the OW, and if they end up marrying the OW, 75% of those marriages fail. I have seen similar numbers elsewhere.
But, what are the numbers for men who were already over their marriages and already in the process of divorcing when they began the affair with the OW -- they were already discussing divorce terms, even if they were still living under the same roof for the kids' sake or the like? I'd imagine the first number is much higher and the second noticeably lower... |
Anonymous
| I don't know if they break it down to that degree of detail, but second marriages in general, regardless of their beginnings, fail 60% of the time. |
Anonymous
| I think if you are divorcing, you need to take some time to heal. Especially if you are divorcing with kids. It is the huge loss of a dream no matter who you are, for you and your kids, and you need to get your shit together before you attempt another relationship. If you in a serious relationship before you divorce, it just seems like you are numbing the pain and avoiding dealing with issues. Chances are slim it will last. |
Anonymous
| How about women leaving for the OM? Happened to my husband. |
Anonymous
I tend to agree. However, how about if paperwork is almost ready, and it's just the legal process of finalizing the divorce what is still TBD? At what point it's just a technicality? Or would you say that, after the divorce is over, it's still necessary to take some time, even if the man has found a potential partner? |
DS63
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| generally, divorce without post-divorce growth does not end well |
Anonymous
Yes. Next person could be rebound/transitional. What's the hurry? 
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Anonymous
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It's not that 5% of men leave their wives for the OW....
It's 5% of men that divorce because of an affair marry the OW. So if 75%of men that get caught in an affair divorce, 5% of those marry the OW. Men don't "leave their wife" for the OW. They get caught and kicked out, or leve because they don't want to deal with family #1, but the idea that men leave for the OW is false. They usually go to the OW when kicked out because men who have affairs are not the pillar of society and it is the easiest, cheapest way to go. Also,the older (aka closer to death) the man is the more likely he will not divorce the OW. It the need for a care giver syndrome. When men feel their mortality, they want to know somebody will be there to change the bedpan. |
Anonymous
The point is that he got divorced for a reason and that reason is because he is not compatible with being a married guy. If he goes to a bunch of individual therapy that might change. But I he marries you, you will eventually be the same bad wife he blamed his wife to be and he will repeat the pattern. |
Anonymous
| Interesting. Reminds me of the story of the older man, father of four kids, who, still not fully divorced, hooks up with a young naive woman and, after a few weeks of dating, claims he wants to marry her and have children - and gets her pregnant shortly after. A good case study of why men may need to take some time of post-divorce growth. |
Anonymous
Really? How about all the men whose wives cheated on them, took the kids, all the money and they were basically out of luck due to the court. |
Anonymous
+1, but my ex husband. |
Anonymous
This is true. My father tells my mother that he wants to grow old with her, it is just that he is not quiet old enough to give up the younger chick...haha 
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Anonymous
| But, the point is: are the numbers different for a man having an affair and hiding it from his wife (who presumably would be devastated), vis-a-vis a man who is in the process of divorcing and begins a relationship while the paperwork is not yet completed (and presumably the wife doesn't care as she is also seeking the divorce)? |
Anonymous
| what does it matter? |