s/o statistics of affairs ending in marrying the OW

[Anonymous]

OP is the OW and she wants some reassurance that she will beat the odds.

Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In an ongoing thread, someone mentioned that less than 5% of men leave their wives for the OW, and if they end up marrying the OW, 75% of those marriages fail. I have seen similar numbers elsewhere.

But, what are the numbers for men who were already over their marriages and already in the process of divorcing when they began the affair with the OW -- they were already discussing divorce terms, even if they were still living under the same roof for the kids' sake or the like? I'd imagine the first number is much higher and the second noticeably lower...

Poor dear. If he started the affair with you before leaving, and I mean physically leaving, wife #1, even though they are "in the process of divorcing," you are in for a letdown. He is not ready to get married again. You are a rebound affair, but he won't marry you once he comes to his senses. Sorry, but that's the way it is. You shouldn't take up with a married man who is living with his wife, no matter what the circumstances, if you want a long-term, serious relationship with him. If you really like him, wait until his divorce is final and he's understood what went wrong and wants to avoid making the same mistake in marriage #2. It's not likely to be you in that scenario, so I'd get out now and start looking for your next relationship -- a real one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is the OW and she wants some reassurance that she will beat the odds.

Sorry, OP.

Wrong -- sorry.
My DH thinks that quite a few men with affairs would beg for forgiveness. However, men pursuing divorce would be less concerned. Hence, the likelihood of the man ending up with the new woman is higher for men pursuing divorce, resulting in a different statistics.

[Anonymous]

I have never seen that oft-quoted statistic sourced in any reliable way, but my sense is that the success rate is higher. Affairs happen for all sorts of reasons. Obviously if you hook up with a philanderer, the odds will not be good. But I believe that lots of second marriages are born ... at least quietly ... while and unhappy first one is winding down. Sure it would be best if we all took our one year waiting period before venturing out, but that is often not the way life works.

[Anonymous]

No, OP you won't. That's why you had time this weekend to write the post. While he was with his wife and family. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not that 5% of men leave their wives for the OW....

It's 5% of men that divorce because of an affair marry the OW. So if 75%of men that get caught in an affair divorce, 5% of those marry the OW.

Men don't "leave their wife" for the OW. They get caught and kicked out, or leve because they don't want to deal with family #1, but the idea that men leave for the OW is false. They usually go to the OW when kicked out because men who have affairs are not the pillar of society and it is the easiest, cheapest way to go.

Also,the older (aka closer to death) the man is the more likely he will not divorce the OW. It the need for a care giver syndrome. When men feel their mortality, they want to know somebody will be there to change the bedpan.

I disagree with your second paragraph. I know 2 men who left their wives for the OW, married them and are still married. There were no kids involved but they were most definitely not kicked out.